Even Hikigaya Hachiman can write a Love Letter
by God Emperor Penguin
Summary: Valentine's Day - a day of love, pink, and chocolates. In the spirit of the coming holiday, Hiratsuka-sensei gives her Modern Japanese periods an assignment: write a love letter. So naturally, Hikigaya writes a love letter to the person he loves the most.
1. Love Letter

**Summary:** _Valentine's Day - a day of love, pink, and chocolates. In the spirit of the coming holiday, Hiratsuka-sensei gives her Modern Japanese periods an assignment: write a love letter. So naturally, Hikigaya writes a love letter to the person he loves the most._

_Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru_

**Even Hikigaya Hachiman can write a Love Letter**

**oO oOoOo Oo**

**Table of Contents**

1\. _Even Hikigaya Hachiman can write a Love Letter_

2\. _Affairs are a Yukinoshita Haruno Specialty_

_3\. Can Yukinoshita Yukino even write a Love Letter?_

_4\. A Hotpot from Totsuka Saika with Love_

_5\. An Interview between Hikigaya and Yukinoshita_

_6\. Still, Yuigahama Yui tries to make Chocolate_

_7\. __And so, He Speaks to Everyone but Her_

_8\. A Date with Orimoto Kaori is Fatal_

_9\. It's a Kouhai Duty to Cheer Up a Senpai!_

_10\. Finally, Hayama Hayato disrupts the Equilibrium_

_11\. ?_

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Dear Hikigaya Hachiman,

I love you.

Love-something everyone mistakes as an absolute goal, something worth risking everything to protect. They've deluded themselves into thinking love is worth braving sickness or injury or death to protect your beloved like some main character in a battle manga.

'_Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all_' is said by people to justify poor decisions. After spending all that time and money on a romantic tryst, only to end up with one partner going: 'haha fooled you!' People don't want to admit the relationship was a mistake so they shrug it off as experience.

For example, when a woman marries a man and the man runs off to wed a younger, and hotter, employee working at the family business, well that's just how love rolls. Instead of remaining single, it was better I had spent a good part of my life with a piece of trash, cooked his meals, and bore his children.

_After all, that's love~! Tehehehe_… would be their logical response.

What a bunch of delusional idiots. Love is an excuse.

Pretty flowers, candlelight dates, and long walks on the beach will not break down the AT field inherently separating us all and it certainly won't advance the goals towards the Human Instrumentality Project. We are all lonely creatures, living isolated from one another terrified of the prospects of being alone. That no one will acknowledge your existence: no one will say 'hello' or 'good morning' to you. The most deranged of love fetishists dream of a world where they come home from their corporate slave hours to be greeted by 'welcome home dear. What would you like first: dinner? A bath? Or… perhaps… _wa-ta-shi_?'

Sick people. They're sick people.

The sick minded should just keep pursuing love. Afterwards they should jump into a volcano-holding hands of course.

Still, that doesn't change my pure feelings for you.

Love you bro,

Hachiman

**Teacher comments:**

Hi**KK**ig_ay_a I sWe_**A**__**R**_ _1f_ y0u d0N'T **fIX a**_N_**d r**3DO _t__**h**__is_ $**$gNM**En+ _I_'**LL** pi**LED**rive y0u to the n_**EX**_t _(EN__**Tu**__ry_.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

_Even Hikigaya Hachiman can write a Love Letter Fin_


	2. Affairs

**Summary:** _Valentines' Day - a day of love, pink, and chocolates. In the spirit of the coming holiday, Hiratsuka-sensei gives her Modern Japanese periods an assignment: write a love letter. So naturally, Hikigaya writes a love letter to the person he loves the most._

_Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru_

_Chapter 2_

**Affairs are a Yukinoshita Haruno Specialty**

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Women have always been the downfall of men. It has been true throughout history: Napoleon and Josephine, Lu Bu and Diaochan, Mark Antony and Cleopatra, Henry the VIII and his six wives. [1] Women just seem to have a habit of screwing up perfectly good empires.

The Book of Odes says the superior man does not fraternize with women, but Hiratsuka-sensei cannot understand superior reasoning. Probably because she's a single overripe woman which no sane and mentally sound man would want to pick which has caused her to experience irrationality at the terror of living alone for the rest of her life - a woman who had the audacity to make me redo an assignment over the weekend. It's as if she thinks I have nothing better to do… wait. I don't.

_Damn._

It was the beginning of February and the cold showed no sign of letting up. The cafe had turned up the heater, as well as the background music which is good thing. It drowned out the noise coming from other people, especially couples. With Valentine's Day approaching, Hiratsuka-sensei gave us an assignment to write a love letter to someone. She said it could be _anyone_, anonymous or specific at our own discretion. Apparently she didn't like my idea of writing a love letter to myself.

When I was doing the assignment at home, my sister Komachi wouldn't relent her intrusions into my room. Repeatedly asking me 'hey hey Oniichan, who's that letter for!?' and stuff. It's embarrassing enough to have a love letter but risking the chance that my sister might throw the thing on Twitter or make flyers out of it only exacerbated the problems.

Thus I took a tactical retreat to a cafe to write a love letter. Well, technically I was rewriting the love letter.

What is love anyway?

I chewed the eraser head of my pencil, struggling to think of a decent opening. I had to write a love letter to someone… but who? Who?

'Dear… Dear who? Dear Miss X? Dear Miss Yu-'

A warm metallic sensation pressed against my cheek causing me to yelp. I turned to face my offender, a devious catwoman. This woman had pressed a cold can of soda to my cheek. She had a vicious smile. Standing before me was the last person I wanted to see while writing this love letter:

_Yukinoshita Haruno._

"Haro haro, Hikigaya-kun. Fancy meeting you here~!" Her voice was sickenly sweet and her fragrant perfume did her no additional favors. The woman began poking my face, oblivious to the annoyance she was imposing upon me.

It's like this woman has me on a GPS tracking device.

"Greetings…" I shifted my body to cover my letter, but it couldn't fool Haruno-san's keenly trained eyes.

"Whatcha writing there- Oh! A love letter… how scandalous. Mhm… Dear Yu-" Haruno-san had snatched the letter from the table and with a single palm to my face kept me out of reach of it. "Yu-… I wonder who could this letter be for! Is this letter for Gahama-san…? Or perhaps… it's for Yuki-"

"No," I said, finally recovering my letter.

Haruno-san gave me look like a sly fox. She had taken a seat already without asking, her hands folded and tucked under her chin like a certain plotting commander. She waved down the worker for some black tea and turned her attention back towards me.

"Say, Hikigaya-kun. Would you like to attend a wedding?"

"No."

Marriage is the graveyard of life. Things go there to die, and perhaps be resurrected by aphrodisiacs, cheap plastic toys, or gimmicky late-night psychics. Nothing says dead end like marriage. People prioritize it like a hallmark of adulthood but it's a trick. Then again, my dreams of being a househusband depends on such naivety from a nice rich ojou-sama who adores me for my other qualities while tolerating my vices, of which there are many.

Such a woman exists. I simply must believe in the path I have chosen.

"So the son of an associate of my family is getting married…" She continued on ignoring me.

"No…"

"And it seemed rather appropriate for me to invite some local Chiba residents after all…"

"I'd rather not go."

"But aren't you interested?"

"In what…?"

"My world. My family's world. _Her_ world." The emphasis on the last one was noted. Her eyes focused on me, like a cat with a plan. Before I could lie, I answered.

"… yes," I said truthfully.

That was a mistake.

"Oh?" Haruno-san's eyes glowed. I knew I was caught in her trap. She wouldn't let my answer being anything but…

"I'm interested," I admitted. "When is it?"

"Tonight!"

Looking up from my letter, I looked straight into her smile. "Tonight? Isn't that a bit too sudden…?"

"Nonsense!"

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Families with power can be scary.

They have the power to erase you and they mean it. It was a fancy reception area… I think it's called a foyer? I have no idea what the proper word for it is but it was fancy. Whatever it was, it was massive. There were people in suits and slick hair and silk dresses and kimonos and every single person wore a mask like makeup.

If I messed up here, I'd lose more than a pinky. My family would probably force me to honorably end myself by self-immolation and my ashes would then be flushed down the toilet.

"Oniichan! Komachi wants to try some of the-the… whore the oars?"

"Hors d'oeuvre," I corrected my sister Komachi. She had decided to tag along in the search for free food. It is well known that wedding food is the best kind of food. Mostly because it's free. Also because whenever a bunch of rich people come together, they always try to outdo each other and the quality of dinner is no exception. Hence why it's delicious… and also because it's free.

The meeting could have easily doubled as a fundraiser for the Yukinoshita family and no one would be able to tell the difference, aside from the wedding cake and the giant portraits and flowers… okay, maybe it did seem a lot like a wedding but everyone there was introducing themselves as an associate of the Yukinoshita this or Yukinoshita that. The Yukinoshita family, whose family head was in the Chiba diet, seemed deeply rooted in these parts. There was an ulterior purpose in attending this gathering: building and reaffirming existing relationships between their many associates.

And at the center of this critical mass of self-congratulatory family pride was the latest scion to the Yukinoshita clan.

While her mother and father were elsewhere, Haruno-san was the center of attention.

"I didn't expect to see you here," came a smooth voice.

"A-ah," I replied. It was Hayato Hayama. Looking to my side, I found Komachi had already made a bolt for the nearest food server. She was tugging on some poor minimal waged servers sleeve begging for some crackers with smoked salmon on top.

"Your sister seems to be enjoying herself."

"Hn. Who doesn't appreciate free food?"

Free food is the heaven-sent reward for the righteous. It spares my poor wallet while exhausting others'. It is the perfect strategy, a perfect combination.

Hayama smiled. "I suppose you're right," he said.

"Are these things usually so self-congratulatory…?" I noted, watching a nearby couple introduce themselves as associates of the Yukinoshita family.

"Yep," Hayama said softly. His eyes swept the floor. "Nobody wants to be considered anything less than a family friend or else they'll be thought less of. It's just how it is."

"So everyone here is a liar," I said. A world full of lies and masks, where nobody is honest.

"Haha, that's true. But that's the world we live in."

"I'm not a part of your world," I said.

"I suppose you aren't-_ah_!" Whatever thought Hayama was going to make got interrupted. A girl had latched onto Hayama's arm with a vicegrip that could crush steel and eyes that said '_caught me a big fish_!' "Um… hello…"

Hayama looked my way. As if I could do anything, idiot.

Hayama eventually got pulled away for a dance by the random floozy, a business associate daughter or something. He might have a gift for perfect diplomacy with the way he did he best to not hurt her feelings but at the same time trying to say no. On second thought, he'd be a terrible diplomat, the guy couldn't get what he wanted.

Welp, time to invoke one of my One-Hundred-and-Eight Skills: Blending in Unseen while Sipping Juice in the Corner watching my Little Sister bring Eternal Shame and Dishonor to the Family by Taking Entire Trays of Appetizers for Herself.

Oh dear sister, will there ever be a public occasion where shame and dishonor hasn't been brought upon our ancestors?

"Hikigaya-kun," came a voice behind me. A shiver struck my spine. Despite this gathering being a wedding with her family playing a prominent role, I hadn't expected her to arrive.

I turned around, expecting Yukinoshita Yukino.

Except it wasn't her.

It was Yukinoshita Haruno.

She had a cold smile. With eyes that pierced my soul, as if wondering if I was worthy enough to be in her presence. I saw my reflection in her eyes, one that was both mesmerizing and terrifying. The words came back to me, that Haruno-san was one who either toyed with something to death or go the extra mile to crush whoever stood in her path. For a brief moment, I thought of myself as a pet in her grasp, like a child who has discovered a new game that could only end in irreversible destruction.

She touched my hand gently with her fingertips. They were cold and made me shudder before she pulled them back and bowed.

"H-huh?"

"There is something I'd like to ask of you." Her voice was crisp and polished and cold.

"Wh-what is it?"

Haruno-san did not lift her head when she made a request of me. There is said to be a psychological effect wherein a person puts their foot in the doorway making a passionate and unreasonable demand for help. However, when the person is offered something less outrageous, they feel more inclined to assist out of guilt.

This wasn't one of those times. The snake had slithered its way into the house.

"Would you do me the honor of escorting me through the gardens?"

And for the second time that day, I found myself saying '_yes_' to this woman.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

The gardens were green and full of flowers. There were stone steps and bamboo walls that resembled the gardens in the old capital like some forgotten temple for blown off course onto Chiba.

Yukinoshita Haruno led the way.

It was only now, following her brisk short steps, that I noticed what she was wearing. Elegant and colorful, with a cool blue kimono that appeared a softer shade in the moonlight. Her hair was bound up, and being behind her I was given an exquisite view of her pale nape.

For a while, we said nothing. Then we turned a corner.

In an instant, she pulled me close, the distance between our lips were nearly zero.

I'll admit, for a moment my heart fluttered.

"You know Hikigaya-kun… when a girl asks a man to be alone with him… there are always other motives." Her breath was sweet. Her skin was smooth, and without pores. It looked ethereal in the pale moonlight.

I gulped.

Her hand was pressed against my chest. The scent of her air was causing my mind to wander.

_Flash._

Huh? What?

"Oh wow! This is a great picture!" Haruno-san giggled to herself. In her free hand, she held her phone that now possessed a picture of myself and her. If anyone else saw it without the proper context they'd definitely get the wrong idea.

"H-hey now…"

"Wow! This is going to go on my Twitter…"

"That's a bit much… no…" I tried reaching for her phone. I just wanted to hold onto it long enough to delete it.

"There, there, don't be such a prude," Haruno-san smiled. "Aren't men supposed to be happy they are taking pictures with lovely women? Or perhaps you aren't into women…? Or maybe you think I'm an old onee-chan that's too withered for you, eh? _Eh_?"

The self-deprecating humor suited her as the flower patterns on her bosom blossomed with each jest. It appeared that Haruno-san was a master of masks, able to take any form she so desired or needed. The garden was her natural habitat, full of tall grass and plants, that hides the viper that is her beneath.

"I just think people might get the wrong idea here…" I said looking around, worried I was getting caught up in her rhythm. If things continued at this pace, I think the situation could become irreversible.

The woman didn't pay attention to me as she fiddled with her phone.

"_Voila_! Uploaded! I'm going to be Twitter famous," Haruno-san giggled to herself. "Aren't you excited Hikigaya-kun? You'll be known as the latest and only in my list of lovers…"

"Latest… wait, only? Does that mean you've never-?"

A finger silenced my lips.

"Feel special now, don't you?" She tucked the phone away into her carry-on bag and walked away to the beat of her own drum. She was happy.

I cringed.

The Rubicon had been crossed the moment she had uploaded the picture. Though I cared little of my personal reputation being in the gutter, I was sure that being in a picture with a desirable woman like Haruno-san would immediately rebound my status. Depending on how weak other gossip traffic is, students would be asking me '_who is this girl_?' and '_can you introduce me?_' and '_what's your relationship!_' and make it sound like a threat or '_does she have a sister?_'

Scratch that last one. I'll definitely send any would be suitors Yukinoshita's way.

"Hey, why so glum chum?"

"I imagine you exist only to torture me…"

"Haha! Almost there. Teasing actually," Haruno-san said with a soft smile. "There, there. I didn't upload it onto Twitter you big baby. My precious little Hikigaya can remain unpopular with the ladies… for now."

I didn't want to think what she thought of me later.

"I'm heading back." Shoving my hands into my pocket, I began making my way back to the party where hopefully by now food would have been served.

A tug on my sleeve stopped me.

"Say… Hikigaya-kun…"

"Huh?"

I turned back. In her kimono the pale moonlight made her smile less sinister than it actually was. It actually looked vulnerable and extremely alluring. If I had a taste for the vulnerable elegant rich girls, this would cause blood to gush out of my nose. This isn't a romcom however, and therefore the best I could muster was walking the dinosaur. Her hand tugged on my sleeve, pulling me towards a stone bench in the hotel gardens and a sudden urge to go camping fell over me.

She took a seat and patted the space next to her as if to say 'sit, come and join me.'

It was a smile I couldn't refuse. Not finding myself hungry anymore, I took the seat next to her. We sat like that for a moment, the silence sinking in between us like a void. Then she asked me a question.

"Ever think you'll get hitched?"

"… no."

It was my honest response. I don't believe I'll get married. I would like to be a househusband but with declining marriage rates, marriages occurring later and later in life, and rising divorce rates, I significantly doubt I could go through all the pomp and ceremony. Marriage is an act after all, and I'm a poor excuse of an actor.

"Don't say that! Yukino-chan will die a spinster with an attitude like that."

"My answer remains unchanged."

"You little… oh! I see how it is! The legal one is Gahama-chan isn't it?"

"That's not it at-"

"You know I can't appreciate a man who has affairs… but I can definitely sympathize."

She was definitely not paying attention to me. Haruno-san continued to pass the time talking about her various travels throughout the world. Places I've only read about.

"Then there's the Swiss Alps… they have great cheese there. Then after that we arrived in Venice. You've heard of Venice right? Ah… such a romantic city… but shame there weren't any fine young men around." Haruno-san gave off a sigh that reminded me eerily too much of a certain sensei.

Her stories came to a pause, before she took in a deep breath. The only light on us were those from the garden lamps. With a flick of her wrist, she checked the time on her phone, then she looked at me with the eyes of a cat.

"Fear not Hikigaya-kun, no one will ever find out about our moonlit tryst," she said with a smile. There was no hint of insincerity but the thought wouldn't leave my mind that it was sent somewhere.

"Is that so?" I said, sounding more annoyed than I should have.

She pressed a hand on my shoulder, as if commanding me to sit. I wasn't some stray dog like Sanjuro! At the very least I didn't have fleas.

Leaning closed to my ear, I could smell Haruno-san's perfume.

"Sit here like a good boy," she said, her words tickling my ear. "Tata for now."

And with that Haruno-san left me seated in the cold.

I couldn't shake off the feeling this was how a man who made an embarrassing purchase at the market store could feel. Normally with things like porn mags or condoms, there are multiple strategies you can employ to secure them. You can use camouflage, buying a bunch of other items, or you can man-up and purchase it. Right now, I felt like a guy who discovered that purchase went to waste. Like the porn mag turned out to be for fujoshis or something.

It did feel a tad disappointing, watching the girl was a mystery wrapped in a bundle of enigma leaves.

"What was that?" I muttered.

"_Hikigaya-kun._"

The voice sent a shiver down my spine. It was a voice I knew so well. It carried an authenticity unlike Haruno-san's earlier imitation. I looked towards the owner of the voice. The moonlight was caught in her raven hair. She wore a soft blue kimono with snowflake patterns that resembled blossoms.

Standing before me was Yukinoshita Yukino.

"Uh… yo? What are you doing here?"

Yukinoshita's eyes were piercing my very soul.

"I could ask you the same question," she said softly. "But if you must know, my mother insisted I come. I had underestimated how much time a previous appointment would take, so I ran."

It was only now that I realized Yukinoshita's cheeks were flushed red and her forehead glazed with sweat, as if she had been running. She brushed some hair away from her ear.

Only Yukinoshita could look so dignified when out of breath.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

We returned to the party and found the food had long been served. Komachi, being such a generous little sister, had graciously eaten my share of everything.

Little rascal, you. She's a growing girl who needed her calories.

… but seriously, I'm hungry.

Yukinoshita stood before me, having followed me back. Her shoulders were hung low, and head kept down as if she was trying to avoid bringing any unnecessary attention to herself. Despite that, she caught a few stares from men and women alike, all whispering and eying her from afar.

"Ah Ah! Yukino-san!" Komachi greeted the person beside me first instead of her older brother. "Want some shrimp? It's delicious!" She said offering a plate of what should have been _my_ shrimp.

"No thank you," she said softly. "Um… is anyone sitting here?" Yukinoshita pointed at an empty seat next to mine. Komachi shook her head and Yukinoshita quickly took a seat. Her head was still hung low.

"Oi… shouldn't you like… introduce yourself to your parents or something?" I looked in the direction of the main table. We were seated in the back tables, far away from the stage where the bride and groom were, but even I could make out the small crowd surrounding the main Yukinoshita family.

"Yeah, yeah! You need to introduce oniichan to the in-laws," Komachi smiled.

Yukinoshita's head twitched in my direction. "I'd rather not."

Looking again at the dense crowd, I felt slightly sorry for her.

"Well you're welcome to sit with us! Everyone else at the table had left during the fourth course because of business or something… so it's just Komachi. Well, Komachi and oniichan now~!"

Wait, wait… you're telling you didn't just eat my share, but the entire table's share too!?

Yukinoshita looked at me suspiciously. "Perhaps they found your presence unappetizing."

"Hey, hey. I'm great company."

"At a funeral parlor, perhaps. They can be reminded that their loss is not surpassed by the horror of having to be seated beside you. Now why don't you make yourself less suspicious and take a seat, hm?" Yukinoshita crossed her arms and tilted her head towards a vacant seat.

Gritting my teeth, I took my seat in between Yukinoshita and Komachi. My little sister filled us in on what had happened. Apparently food was served. Good food. You know, like wedding food which was what enticed me to come on this forlorn expedition into this den of liars and sycophants in the first place.

So in short, Komachi noticed nothing except the food was delicious.

"And they had the most succulent duck…"

"Enough…" I could feel stomach-chan growling. The urge to dispense Hikigaya Justice grew strong within me.

"… then came the pickled appetizers…"

"Stop…" My head was beginning to spin from lack of nutrients.

"Hey… doesn't it look like that crowd is coming toward us?"

"Yes… it does, doesn't it?"

Yukinoshita looked off distantly and sighed. She rose and walked up to introduce herself to the leading figure. A graceful woman who wasted no movements in her steps and followed by a small retinue of attendants. If the age-old Japanese nobility could be personified, it would be in this person.

"Good evening, mother," said Yukinoshita with a bow.

"Yukino… you came," her mother replied touching her daughter's cheek softly. "I thought you didn't want to come."

The exchange between mother and daughter could be more accurately described as a corporate manager talking down to a subordinate corporate slave who had spilled one too many coffees and broke one too many printers. Yukinoshita slouched her shoulders in a posture I've never seen, and touched her arm. She glanced at me and all I could wonder was '_what the hell can I do for you now, woman? It's your mother_.'

"I-I…" She averted her gaze from her mother, and I caught the corner of her eye again. Hey, even if you look at me, I can't explain to her how you got held up and were late.

"Hey hey Yukino-san! Is that your mother?" Komachi looked in awe.

Yukinoshita's mother took notice of Komachi. "Is this your friend?"

"Ah… yes… this is Hikigaya Komachi. She's going to be an underclassman at my school."

With a hand covering her mouth, hiding a surprised smile, Yukinoshita's mother exclaimed, "How wonderful! Raising the next generation and guiding them… as expected of my daughter."

"Yes…" Her fingers were fidgeting at her sides.

"You must be hungry. I'll have another meal prepared. Come, come, the bride and groom would be ecstatic to meet you. The bride has a younger brother I'd also like you to meet…" I had lost the opportunity to introduce myself. Perhaps I had a permanent cloaking field. If I remember correctly, this would be the second time I failed to introduce myself to her mother. Taking her daughter's hand, she gently pulled her along through the crowd back to the front of the wedding.

"You really blend well into the background, huh oniichan? Komach wonders if the bride's brother is going to have a wedding with better food than this."

"Shut it, you."

**oO oOoOo Oo**

After dinner was served, a few tables were cleared to be used as a dance floor. What seemed like a small army of waiters had cleared a rough space as post-dinner appetizers were served. The cake cutting would come soon enough as Komachi so excitedly reminded me every other second.

Yukinoshita had since changed out of her kimono into a cocktail dress. Currently, she was dancing with someone. It was slow and methodical, with one hand on his shoulder and the other hand held in his. They danced for a bit, and all eyes in the room were on them. As one partner left, another stepped to her. It was a short greeting before they were in each other arms, once again waltzing around in circles.

"Doesn't Yukino-san look so dreamy… like a princess?"

"Yeah… I guess…"

I didn't bother watching her continue her dances. They all looked the same to me. Partner after partner came and asked for a dance with her and she would comply. It was like an otherworldly performance, as if I was staring off to a distantly far plane.

People clap, and _Yukinoshita dances_.

Somehow, it didn't sit well with me.

Then finally came Hayama. They danced. And that was that.

"Ah! Ah! Doesn't he look perfect for Yukino-san? Better put more points into your charm stat! Or maybe don't bother. You're probably ten thousand years too young to challenge him in the prince charming class."

Oi, oi, Komachi, don't go making up fake RPG job classes now. "I'll pass."

"You should ask Yukino-san for a dance! It seems she'll dance with anyone who asks," Komachi observed. "Come on oniichan~! It'll be sooo romantic and sooo cool, unlike your usual M.O."

"Do you even know what M.O. stands for?"

"Methods of Oniichan!"

If she wasn't so adorable, I'd smother her in hugs.

I stood up and walked over to the dance floor. It wasn't like I was going to ask Yukinoshita to dance or anything but I figured there might be some abandoned table with food leftover that I could pilfer.

Man, maybe I was a stray dog?

Scratching my neck, I eventually reached the edge of the dance floor halfway across the venue.

"So… you got an interest in that girl?" I looked to the man beside me. It was a suave looking man who had an aura of a wet cat.

"U-uh… no…" I was caught off-guard. People don't normally come and talk to me at parties - especially men.

"Oh. Do you know her?"

"S-somewhat…"

His eyes narrowed, as if I was challenging him or something. "Mhm… I'll have you know she's my betrothed."

"What?"

That stunned me, but only for an instant. Perhaps it wasn't so surprising Yukinoshita was betrothed. Still, this was some random dude at a wedding trying to make small talk and intimate me for whatever reason. maybe he was a Yukinoshita stalker? Whatever he was, his words shook me. Maybe Yukinoshita really was engaged. Maybe she had someone waiting for her when she came of age.

Wait. She's already of age, isn't she?

"Betrothed. To be wedded. Uh… you know, like… me, her… are kind of a thing. You see, we were promised to each other when we were very young and well… one thing led to another and…" The guy rolled his eyes and twiddled his fingers as he gave an as-you-should-know answer to my response.

My dead fish eyes went wide. "You're kidding me?"

"Come now…" He gave me a look that said he wasn't kidding. "A girl like that is definitely engaged. And to me of all people! A ha! I'm the best suitor in this town by far. No one is better than me for Yukinoshita Yukino."

"Well… congratulations?" That's what you say when someone gets engaged right?

"Aren't you jealous?"

"No…?" Should I be?

I could taste the disappointment. "Oh."

"Oh, what?"

"That wasn't as fun as I thought it would be…"

"Are you and her… really?" The thought that he was just messing with me crossed my mind, but I couldn't fathom why he would. After all, how many people are so desperate to impress someone by saying they're engaged to someone?

Looking around at where I was, I felt that I had answered my own question.

"Huh? Yeah yeah! You see when she was little she was always going on like, '_when I grow up I want to marry you-'_"

"_Father._" Yukinoshita's cold voice interrupted him. "Do not embellish my childhood with your fantasy memories."

Huh? Wait. Did she just say…?

"Aha! Now for my awesome introduction~! You may call me Father." You aren't the leader of the homunculus Hohenheim of Light. "Equivalent exchange, something of equal value must be given in return. What's your name, son?"

"You can call him Dead Fish Eyes. And you." That was definitely targeted towards me, "Calling him Yukinoshita-san is fine," Yukinoshita sighed, clearly annoyed. Rubbing the bridge of her nose, Yukinoshita said, "Father… just… I'll be going home now."

"What? But you hadn't had a dance with what's-his-name-with-the-dead-fish-eyes-kun yet." For some reason I wasn't upset he didn't know my name but rather he labelled me based on a peculiar attribute about myself.

"H-hey, I don't want-"

Yukinoshita gave a glare that would take down elephants that added a finality to any response:

"_No."_

"Really? You even danced with Hayato-kun and you _hate_ dancing with Hayato-kun."

"I said '_no'_."

"Wow! You must really like him, _huh_!" Yukinoshita's father nudged me in the ribs. "What did you do? Was it voodoo? Love potion? Oh oh! Was it one of those light night fortune tellers? My wife wouldn't let me call The Psychic Odagiri Kyouko. I think it's because she's jealous that Kyouko's got a bit more _umph_ if you know what I mean. Wink wink. Hint hint."

"I'm leaving."

And with that declaration, Yukinoshita took me by the wrist and dragged me away.

"Yukinooo~! Come back to meee~! At least me introduce me to your boyfriend~!"

Like a cat meowing in the distance, her father's voice slowly faded. By the time we cleared some distance away from the supplier of one of Yukinoshita's X chromosomes, we had found our way back to the table.

"That's your father? A member of the Chiba diet?" How did the tabloids not have a field day with this display is beyond me.

Yukinoshita rubbed the bridge of her nose before turning to me with a look that said: _don't ever ask how he got elected. _"He has his ways…" she said with a pained expression.

"Still, he seems like a nice guy," I observed. There wasn't a sense of falsehood in any of his tone while he was speaking to his daughter. After all, what parent doesn't want their child to be happy?

I looked to Yukinoshita, who had brought a finger to her lip. She was biting it, a habit she seemed to be forming as of late.

"Where's Komachi-san?" She finally asked. That was a good question. I had no idea where my little sister had gone off too. Knowing her, she was off terrorizing a buffet or something.

Pulling out my phone, I texted my sister who was absent from the table. I suspected she was off somewhere ransacking another table's dinner plates but seeing as she wasn't make a big commotion about it, it seemed more likely she had decided to go home. Within seconds, her reply arrived.

'_Decided to leave early. Have fun with Yukino-san, oniichan!_' was what her text read.

"She's gone," I informed Yukinoshita.

"Oh."

That's your response? Oh? Couldn't you have a bit more sympathy? I could have been stuck alone at a wedding where I know maybe three people at best, none of which can be considered friends or even non-hostile! It might be better to say I was stuck behind enemy lines with no supply lines, food, ammo, or even a polite face.

"I guess we'll just get home on our own."

"Yes," Yukinoshita agreed softly.

At that moment, both of stomachs began grumbling. I wasn't sure which one grumbled the loudest but the message was pretty clear:

We were both very hungry.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Fortunately for us, we found a Saizeriya still open in the evening. I was hungry. Looking over at Yukinoshita, I saw she was not in much better shape. Perhaps the running and dancing had emptied out her reserve energy and now she needed a senzu bean to recuperate?

"Didn't you eat?" I asked outside the restaurant.

"No."

"Why…?"

"My mother shuttled me from family acquaintance to family acquaintance. It is difficult to consume food when you're busy being reintroduced or dancing," she muttered as she pushed open the door before turning back at me. "Then you ran into my father and… let's just get some food."

A waitress greeted us and asked us how many.

"Two," I answered for us.

"Ah, this way sir, ma'am." And soon we were seated and handed a menu. "Are you two on a date?"

"Absolutely not," Yukinoshita snapped.

"Oi oi, you don't have to make me sound _that_ repulsive."

"Disgusting. Terrifying. The thought of being considered interacting with you on a romantic level causes me to shudder."

"Um…" The waitress looked at us nervously, and gestured for us to take a seat. Handing us the menus, the waitress asked us nervously "You two are dressed strangely. Did you two-um-perhaps lose a reservation elsewhere?"

"No. I simply lost my appetite."

"You were too busy dancing."

"I do believe I am allowed to do what I want."

"Sheltered rich girl…"

"Self-hating misanthrope."

"Agh…" She got me there.

"Someone like Hikigaya-kun will have a lot of trouble finding someone willing to marry him," Yukinoshita muttered under her breath.

"With advancements in computer algorithms and an increasingly desperate pool of women, I should have no problems with an online dating service," I replied smugly.

The waitress laughed nervously as she began prodding for our drink orders. "Um… are you ready to order?"

"Just… give me one of everything." Wait, wait. Did you mean food or drinks!?

"_Eh_!?" The waitress was surprised.

"I am hungry," Yukinoshita flatly stated.

"Are you planning to enter the Ryōgoku Kokugikan?" [2]

Yukinoshita turned with the glare that launch a thousand ships in the opposite direction.

"Hikigaya-kun, would you like to wake up in the morning tomorrow?"

Gritting my teeth in silence, another realization struck through me.

"Oi… are you planning on making me pay?"

_Does Yukinoshita expect me to fund her girth expansion?_

"Isn't it reasonable to assume the male is going treat the female for this outing? I suppose it is a small price to pay for my company. After all, paid companionship would most likely be the sole avenue of interaction for you once you are thirty, balding, and never-employed. You could say this is a discount service."

_Tch._

"I appreciate how you noted I was never-employed rather than unemployed. The distinction has been greatly noted," I said, gritting my teeth. Yukinoshita considered to stare at me. She wanted me to break.

"Sh-should I come back in a f-few minutes?" the waitress asked meekly.

"Yes," we both said in unison.

"Y-yeah. I'll go get your drinks," she said with a bow before hastily retreating back to the kitchen. She didn't even know what drinks we wanted.

"She'll be back," Yukinoshita said smartly.

"You'd think?"

"I know," was the cool reply.

"Who are you? Cassandra?" [3]

Yukinoshita rested her chin on a palm before her lips curved into a smile.

"I'm the Oracle of Delphi." [4]

"Yeah right," I said under my breath. "And I'm Hades."

The waitress returned. I envisioned her saying with a tongue stuck out, "So… I forgot to get your drink orders," and one of her hands would be knocking her head in a cutesy klutz pose but before she even had a chance to speak, Yukinoshita spoke instead.

"Black tea. And I'll have the seafood pasta after all."

"Me too," I said, giving my order. The waitress nodded before covering the pad over her mouth.

"You two might not look like you get along, but you behave like an old married couple," she said with a low annoying chuckle and a smile that should be seared off her face.

Yukinoshita gave the waitress a look that said '_death comes for you_'. And so, the waitress retreated. I wouldn't be surprised if she retired as a waitress by the end of tonight.

"Oi, I think you scared the wits out of her."

"My apologies. I've just been so used to being around witless people lately," Yukinoshita said with a sad sigh. Hey hey, are you calling me witless? I'll have you know that I'm a world class wit champion… gah, why can't those words just come out through my mouth?

"Either way, you might want to tone it down a bit."

"While my behavior here has little financial consequences, I believe you are correct this one time. Reputation can be a valuable asset after all," Yukinoshita nodded. That couldn't be further from the point I was trying make about trying to not scare minimum wage waitresses who get by on tips and the goodwill of lonely patrons. Then followed by a soft voice, "Sorry."

I almost didn't hear it as the plates clattered onto the table. It would seem that our meal had arrived.

"Just eat," I said, reaching for my spoon and fork.

"Your presence makes the food gross, Hikigaya-kun," said Yukinoshita as she pulled out her fork from the napkin roll. The slight smile on her lips told me she was teasing me. Was she? Could Yukinoshita Yukino even tease?

After the meal, which Yukinoshita graciously paid for, we began walking out into the night. The air was cold and it was quiet. I decided to stick with Yukinoshita, if only because.

"I'm perfectly fine, Hikigaya-kun," Yukinoshita said walking alongside me.

Yeah, right.

"Nothing annoys me more than a liar."

"I don't ever lie."

"The world's a disgusting place full of hypocrites and liars and stupid idiots. That's why I'll be the guy who burns it all down," I declared with a laugh. The carefully constructed house of cards these liars have built will come crashing down upon them with a single match from me.

"I always knew you were a petty criminal," Yukinoshita sighed.

"Hey. Noble intentions…"

"You know what they say about good intentions," Yukinoshita smoothly replied.

"Heh. It doesn't change the fact this world is a cancer. It's like ticks on a dog. You've ever seen a dog covered in giant ticks and you just wish you had a flamethrower that could cleanse the ticks but leave the dog unscathed? That's what I want."

Yukinoshita kept beside me. "I used to think like that," she said softly.

"Huh?" Yukinoshita and I thinking the same? That's… rare.

Yukinoshita looked towards the light post. Moths fluttered in the light. "If you want to be a petty arsonist who does nothing but burns down the world… then I want to be the sun."

"The sun?"

Yukinoshita looked to me with a face I've never seen before. She nodded. "Snow," she said.

"Snow?"

"My name means snow…"

Yuki does indeed mean snow…

"But humans can't feel hot or cold - only extremes."

"Really?" Human physiology was not my forte.

"My name might imply otherwise, but I wish to be the sun. What difference is there then, between being extreme cold and extreme heat?"

Heck if I know anything about the finer aspects of thermodynamics.

"What's so great about being a flaming disco ball?" Okay, in my head that sounded stupid, but saying it aloud it actually sounded a bit awesome. Not that I would tell Yukinoshita that.

The girl beside me rubbed the bridge of her nose, as if she were adjusting some nonexistent teacher glasses. Was I suppose to call her '_sensei_' now?

"The sun burns but its light sends packets of energy called photons to the earth. These photons drive photosynthesis which in turns enable plants to produce sugar and grow. The very same plants are then consumed by animals and we ourselves… making sure life prospers and continues."

"You're just an enabler," I retorted.

"All the more reason I want to stand as the light in the dark, an example for others."

"You're just holding a torch that you'll end up dropping," I said. My thoughts wandered to the Statue of Liberty in America. Yukinoshita wanted to be a symbol, an icon.

Yukinoshita shook her head. "I want to be the flame that inspires others and help others grow whereas you are content with being a spark."

That line terrified me.

It was like a momentary critical strike that stunned me, leaving in awe of her-

… maybe a bit more than just awe.

We stopped in front of her apartment. Neither of us spoke. Neither of us moved an inch.

This was different from then. During the trip to Kyoto and our way back from ramen with Hiratsuka-sensei, the very thought of being near me caused Yukinoshita to shudder. She would keep her distance away from me, like Achilles and Tortoise.

Perhaps I've caught up?

Yukinoshita sneezed. It was pretty bad. She had forgotten to bring a jacket and whatever she had on wasn't enough to keep her warm. The thought crossed my mind of offering her my jacket… but…

Before that…

"H-hey Yukinoshita…"

"Yes, Hikigaya-kun?"

"Can we be…"

She cut me off.

"You know the answer to that."

So I didn't offer.

I looked up at the apartment complex. It hadn't changed much from before. Maybe they had a new gardener or something since a bush looked different but aside from that it was still the same spotless tower.

"I never get a chance to come here," I admitted.

"Maybe I'll show you around some time…" Yukinoshita suggested under her breath, visible in the sheer cold.

"Ah…" My voice caught in my throat. I was unable to form a reply to that.

Entering the lobby, she did not turn around to face me. I figured it was her not even giving me the courtesy of a face-to-face goodnight. I didn't expect her too, but it seemed appropriate from her. Instead she simply said something, in the instant before the doors closed, so soft I almost thought I didn't hear it: "I don't think it wouldn't be so bad… if we both ended up alone."

I stood there, looking at the setting sun as the glass doors closed behind her.

It was then that I realized that I knew nothing of the being called Yukinoshita Yukino.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

_Affairs are a Yukinoshita Haruno Specialty Fin_

**Next Chapter:** _Can Yukinoshita Yukino even write a Love Letter?_

**Footnotes:**

[1] **Napoleon and Josephine, Lu Bu and Diaochan, Mark Antony and Cleopatra, Henry the VIII and his six wives - **_Historical figures whose downfalls could be attributed at partly to women. Josephine's failure to provide a blood heir for Napoleon destabilized the French Empire. Lu Bu betrayed his foster father for Diaochan and was eventually defeated. Cleopatra, the last of the pharaoh, allied with Mark Antony but was rumored to have distracted him from his military duties due to constant lovemaking. Henry VIII spent much of his live in various political-marriage dramas until he became morbidly obese._

[2] **Ryōgoku Kokugikan** \- _"The Sumo Hall" in Japan where 3 of the 6 annual sumo wrestler tournaments are held._

[3] **Cassandra** \- _an oracle who foresaw the future but no one listened or believed her._

[4] **Oracle of Delphi** \- _famous oracle who spoke in cryptic tongue and phrases - her prophecies often had double meanings. A famous prophecy was to a king who asked for the outcome of a potential war. The response was 'If you go to war, an empire shall fall'. The empire to fall was the king's own._


	3. Another Love Letter

**Summary:** _Valentines' Day - a day of love, pink, and chocolates. In the spirit of the coming holiday, Hiratsuka-sensei gives her Modern Japanese periods an assignment: write a love letter. So naturally, Hikigaya writes a love letter to the person he loves the most._

_Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru_

_Chapter 3_

**Can Yukinoshita Yukino even write a Love Letter?**

**oO oOoOo Oo**

There was no shortage of talk in the classroom about the upcoming holiday that is Valentine's Day.

Every Valentine's day ended the same, a year without being acknowledged. Not even obligation chocolate. My sister at the very least has the decency to get me some green tea Kit-Kats [1] from the store. Of course she'd buy a bag of them and only give me a bite-sized package while she keeps the rest of the bag… but at least my adorable little sister kept me in her thoughts.

But the hot topic of discussion was the recent assignment by Hiratsuka-sensei that should have been submitted last week. The assignment that was a love letter, the same one I had been working at the cafe before Haruno had interrupted me.

Naturally those more inclined to discuss love would be those who weren't *_in_* love themselves. After them are the people who believe they have experienced love for the first time. As I've found, the people least likely to discuss romance would be those who are married, seeing as they've reached the graveyard of life and have no more to say on the matter.

As such, topics of love trend towards the virgin population.

"Hey hey, so Tobe who did you write the letter to?" Virgin Ooka asked, initiating the conversation.

"Not telling!" Tobe replied.

"Hey hey, I'm interested," said Yamato, causing Tobe to rub the back of his head like he had lice or something. Either that or he was feigning embarrassment. Either way, it was a shameful display.

The trio were getting along fine without head honcho Hayama, which was all good and dandy.

"So, did you know they're doing the Cupid Express this afternoon?" Tobe said excitedly, changing the subject.

Every year there was an unusual tradition at Sobu High School:

_The Cupid Express._

It's an annual event sponsored by the student council where love letters, both anonymous and signed, were submitted to be read outside the school. Typically they drag a couple of drama students to read them although it's not uncommon to have volunteers or specific people read the letter if asked. They have to be reviewed first to make sure they comply with moral codes but most of the time it's just another grandstanding event for couples. Still, there are a few every year who take the chance to ask out somebody in an extremely public manner.

It's silly considering how weak humans are with their emotions.

They're a vulgar, licentious crowd. They choose to hide behind texts and letters. They send gifts and presents or scream or shout to the world that "hello world! I'm in looove!"

'_Cupid_' is the ultimate manifestation of this inability to take responsibility.

They think love is better left to others to find it for you, either by acts of Heaven or your parents or your three measurements.

No wonder arranged marriages and marriage interviews are so popular!

You aren't doing much work yourself to find love. You leave it to others to play matchmaker. In a few more years, computer algorithms on dating sites will be determining your potential mate based on your favorite fetishes and there's the rub.

Is that really love?

"Really? I didn't realize they scheduled the Cupid Express so early," said the unknowledgable Virgin Ooka who scratched the back of his head. "But I guess it makes Valentine's Day the day you man up and express your feelings. Say say, are you going to request to have your letter read? I'm too embarrassed actually…"

"Same. Too embarrassing," replied Yamato, arms crossed.

"What? Hey hey hey! Don't make me the only one who's going to get his letter read! The Cupid Express helps dreams come true! Come on guys! It's so people can make Valentine's Day the big day!" Tobe jested. Naturally the one closest to Hayato and the one most keen on making a splash that will get him out of his shadow would be willing to make that gambit.

"Oh really? Who's the lucky girl?" Yamato prodded.

"Not telling, hehe!"

"What a bunch of idiots," muttered an undignified voice that belonged to Muira Yumiko. "Getting all excited over some confessions. Such things are better off said face to face between two people. That way if the confession fails the humiliation is private, but if it succeeds it becomes public."

That's great logic there Muira but trust me, failed confessions are not private.

Yuigahama laughed nervously beside Miura. "H-hey now… the Cupid Express isn't all bad."

"It is isn't?" Muira does not handle defiance to her opinions well. It is typical that when in packs, the alpha female will assert her dominance through propagating her opinions as a litmus test of sorts to see who in her pride were still drinking the Kool-Aid [2]. Any disagreement and you could expect to be purged like a Pulse l'Cie.

"Well… like, some people are shy…"

"Then they need to woman up," Muira retorted instantly.

"Um… maybe they like, convey their feelings better in words or something…?"

"Read a script."

"Some people get nervous too…?"

"Then quit school and become a NEET. There's no need for someone like that to waste space and precious oxygen in the presence of sociable, normal, human beings. Having others read your love letters for you is exactly what a sick otaku festishist who will end up marrying his body pillow or cardboard cut-out would do." Muira shuddered as what appeared to be a distantly bad memory crossed her mind. "Those creeps you see on the subway through Akihabara…" Muira finished with a sigh. [3]

"Ah..ah… I see- wait! What if they're just like, innocent and pure hearted young maidens in love!?" Yuigahama's eyes glowed at her response. "Would it be okay then?"

"_Grow up._"

Yuigahama's head hung in utter defeat.

"Such wishy-washy dreams are stupid-"

_Finish her!_

"-immature-"

_Fatality._

"-and completely sick."

Brutal…

As much as I like a good proper cynical beatdown as the next ingrate, I couldn't help but feel bad for Yuigahama.

"Um… ah…" Yuigahama was at a loss for words.

Muira crossed her arms and huffed before standing up. "I need to use the restroom before class starts," she said before walking off, beckoning Ebina to follow her as well. Ebina gave one last look to Yuigahama before following off. The entire scene resembled a master abandoning her pup while having another pup following her around.

The atmosphere became awkward now that Muira left. Some students even left after her to escape the tension filled in the air. Undoubtedly it was going to be one of those days were students scramble inside to their seats before the final bell.

"Oi, Yuigahama," I called out.

As if she woke out of a daydream, Yuigahama's downcast head shot up. She looked straight at me before looking side to side and found no one else looking at her.

With a finger pointed toward herself, Yuigahama mouthed, "Me?"

I nodded in confirmation.

She walked over to me, hesitant and fiddling with her skirt. Each step felt louder, as if she got called by a principal and was about to get scolded for her poor grades. Honestly, that wouldn't be too surprising considering her study habits. Yukino's tutoring may be well and good but she's not a miracle worker.

"Wh-what is it, Hikki?"

"Don't pay too much attention to others," I said.

"O-oh. You saw that…"

No duh, Sherlock. Everybody in class saw that.

"You should try to be more like me," I explained. "Stop caring about what other people think and remind yourself these monkeys will most likely end up NEETs or corporate slaves trudging through filth and muck at the profit of their middle management overlords."

"Hikki… that's gross."

"Gross is relative. Some people don't drink milk the very minute it expires, but tell that to a poor man living on instant noodles and all his money goes to dry-cleaning his only suit for job interviews where he loses to a cute interviewee in the final round. That guy would eat the milk even if it became yogurt!"

"Hikki… that's even gross-er."

Oh Yuigahama. 'Gross-er'? I think Yukinoshita would recommend that you '_study, please… for my sake_.' An expansive vocabulary is the first step in rising above the filth.

"Oh that reminds me, Hikki!"

"You clogged the toilet and forgot about it?"

"H-how did you- no!" Yuigahama stuttered before shaking her head. "I mean like, Yukinon called me yesterday!"

"So? You two are females who are friends with each other and know each other's phone numbers. Am I suppose to be surprised that one called another?"

"It's not that!" Yuigahama said, puffing her cheeks. "The thing I wanted to tell you was what the call was about."

"True," I sighed. "Continue."

"Well, Yukinon said she like, wanted to make us bentos."

"That's great," I said. "Enjoy your bentos." While I remain here, jealous that free, good food is being served. The quality of the food can be ensured by Yukinoshita's highly exacting standards. I glanced over at Totsuka who just arrived, a slight gleam of sweat from morning practice. He smiled at me and waved. I smiled and waved back. A thought crossed my mind: what if Totsuka made my boxed lunches?

Ah… that would be true happiness: Tostuka-certified boxed lunches.

"Hikki? Hey Hikki! Oi oi! Hikki!" Yuigahama was pouting in front of me for some reason.

"What is it?"

"Yukinon made bentos for us."

"Yeah, I'm happy for you. Enjoy your lunch." Is this girl actually stupid or…?

Yuigahama shook her head. "No no. She made bentos for _us_."

Ouch… she's really rubbing it in that I have to suffer the damnable curry bread line and vending machine struggle. "Look… I get that Yukinoshita made a boxed lunch for you and her-"

"_-and you too!_" Yuigahama finished.

Oh.

Oh…

By 'us', Yuigahama did not mean 'Yukinoshita and Yuigahama' but 'us' as in 'Yukinoshita and Yuigahama and _me_.'

Now I felt stupid, but I couldn't say no to free food.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

"You two have arrived," greeted Yukinoshita Yukino.

The girl with sunlight caught in her raven hair sat on a picnic blanket. It was blue and white checkered pattern. As the winter cold hadn't quite left, Yukinoshita still wore the mittens Yuigahama got for her birthday. If Yukinoshita thought it was too cold to eat outside, why did she even consider it?

"We're eating outside when it's still cold?"

"Yes. While it is a bit chilly, the sunlight will warm up the weather. Atmosphere has a strong influence on taste, and I intend for the lunch I have made to produce the most powerful impact possible under the best conditions within reason."

Within _reason_? What if I get pneumonia? Who's going to nurse me back to health?

… You?

"Aside from it being totally out of character from the usual clubroom setting," I said, sitting down on the picnic blanket. "If I get sick, it's your fault," I said nonchalantly.

Yukinoshita looked at me silently.

"Hikki!" Yuigahama gave me a look. "Don't spoil the mood. Did you even thank Yukinon for the food? She went through a lot of trouble to make this, you know!"

"It was nothing Yuigahama-san," Yukinoshita said softly, brushing hair behind her ear. "The dishes I produced, while delicious, were simple."

"Haha… no need to be so modest," Yuigahama said nervously.

"It's not modesty. I-"

"Hey Yukinoshita," I interrupted as I grabbed a pair of chopsticks.

"Yes, Hikigaya-kun?"

"Just eat," I said. "Thank you for the food." And after a clap with my hands I picked at a cucumber roll. It looked rolled well enough with just enough cucumber and avocado, like a delicate little present. Heh, I imagine this might taste pretty-

"-ooh… so good…" came a soft moan.

Wait… what?

Seated beside me was the perpetrator of the crime. Sitting there beside me enjoying the morsel of food meant for me. There she was sitting there, one who was stroking her cheek in delight from the deliciousness of the morsel of food I was about to eat - for me. There, right beside me, as if completely unashamed by her illegal act of not allowing me to eat my food.

The underclassman that has incurred the Hikigaya ire: Isshiki Iroha, the student council president.

"Isshiki-san," Yukinoshita addressed. "I had forgotten to prepare a boxed lunch for you."

"It's fine, it's fine," Isshiki waved off. "I'll just share with senpai, here," she giggled. What? Don't I get a say? "That would be fine right senpai? We can share?"

Ugh! We aren't in kindergarten. The entire 'sharing is caring' mantra is just an excuse for the haves to pilfer sweets and fried chicken pieces from the have nots.

"Iroha-chan, we can share," Yuigahama suggested.

"Nah nah," Isshiki waved off enjoying more of my lunch. "Senpai, feed more another piece."

"What? First you eat my food and now you want me to feed you?"

"Senpai, please… I promise I'll return the favor."

"I-I…"

"Yeah yeah," Yuigahama agreed, trying a perfectly round bread-covered item. "This fried shrimp is really good!"

"Yuigahama-san…" Yukinoshita sighed. "Slow down. You might-"

"Ack!"

"-choke." Yukinoshita held two fingers to her temple. "Here, have some tea," she said as she began pouring a cup from a thermos. Isshiki leaned over to Yuigahama's side, rubbing her back. The entire exchange reeked of such 3D that I felt like a Rook in a checker's set.

"Tehehe…" Yuigahama gave a sheepish smile after drinking the tea. "Thanks, Yukinon."

"Yuigahama-san, perhaps it might be best if you invested some time in chewing your food. If you made the same effort in eating as you did studying, I would fear for my position as the top academic student here at Sobu High School."

"Yeah… w-wait! What's that supposed to mean, Yukinon!?"

The meal continued on well enough. Yukinoshita had made each of us a boxed lunch complete with our own side dishes, portion of rice, and a small personal thermos filled with bacon and lettuce miso soup.

"Ah… this is so nice," Yuigahama said, rubbing her stomach with a satisfying expression on her face. "Really Yukinon! That was delicious. Thank you very much for the meal!"

"No need to thank me," Yukinoshita said with a smile. "I suppose that means the bento was good, no?"

Yuigahama nodded vigorously.

"It passes," I said lazily. The bento was indeed good. Superb even. But I was not going to give Yukino the satisfaction of letting her get one over me.

"Umpf. I see," Yukinoshita said disapprovingly. Her eyes narrowed. "You lick your bento clean, yet suggest it was merely acceptable."

"It's hard for me to refuse free calories."

"So you'll drink anyone's miso soup?"

"As long as it's free."

"Then what's your criteria for a dish being good?"

"I'll know it when I taste it."

"I see. The solution is simple then."

"It is?"

Yukinoshita let out a soft sigh. "The solution is that I must simply make you miso soup every day." [4]

Yuigahama looked over at Yukinoshita.

"Yu-Yukinon…"

"What?"

Yuigahama leaned over and whispered into Yukinoshita's ear but she might as well said it out loud since I could hear it from where I was seated.

"You see… when a girl tells a boy they want to make miso soup for them every day it means she wants to…"

The red cheeks told me that an epiphany had dawned on Yukinoshita.

"Terrifying. Mortifying. The very thought of me being a slave to this dead eyed fish man makes my stomach unsettled."

Oi oi, you didn't have to be that harsh… and why the extreme reaction?

"How scandalous," Isshiki gasped with her hands covering her mouth. "Hehe, maybe Yukinoshita-senpai may want to consider her letter to the Cupid Express, eh?"

"No."

"A-ah…"

Yukinoshita utterly rejected Isshiki's suggestion.

"Say Yukinon, who did you write yours too?"

Yukinoshita looked at Yuigahama before glancing at me and finally Isshiki. She eyed each of us carefully, as if measuring our reactions. Finally she sighed.

"I've ran through all the scenarios mentally. First I will say, 'Yuigahama-san, there are other things to be concerned about rather than love affairs.' You will then reply, 'but Yukinon! I'm curious!' This will be followed by Isshiki-san doing much of the same in joining your pandering while Hikigaya-kun runs off to buy a Coffee MAX."

Wow. Yukinoshita nailed that scenario right down to my drink of preference.

"Uh… um… hey no I wouldn't… but like, I am curious… ohh! Yukinon! You're so smart!"

Yuigahama went from denial to acceptance to complete admiration. It's like she skipped three of the five stages of death and reincarnated in the span of a single fragmented sentence.

"Well, the Cupid Express is interesting," Isshiki noted. "Which is why I'm here!"

"Oh?" I said turning to my hopeless underclassman. "What's so interesting about a bunch of people who can't even confess their feelings face to face? Resorting to texting? That's low."

Yuigahama fumed in the background. "Take that back for every text message confession ever!"

_Text message confessions_. Is that a thing? Is this real life?

Okay, hold up. So what I am hearing from Yuigahama is that in the real world there exists people who believe in the concept of love. Sure, whatever, why not. But there are people out there who, in their pursuit of desperate happiness, can't even bring themselves to speak face to face? Ha. At least when I confessed it was face to face… albeit indirectly by suggesting the first letter of my name… but… argh - where was I going with this?

Oh yeah, that's right - text message confessions? Man up and do it face to face behind the gym.

An authoritative cough cut my thoughts short. "Ignoring Hikigaya-kun's controversial opinions on love in the age of instantaneous messaging, is this a matter of personal interest or that of the service club?"

And as expected, Yukinoshita maintains her uncompromising professionalism.

"Ah-ah," Isshiki said, holding her fingers together. "I submitted my letter to be read, you see… so I was hoping the Service Club could come and support me!"

Yuigahama squealed. "Ah ah! Is it for you-know-who?"

Idiot, everybody and their grandmother's cat knows who 'you-know-who' is. Just say his name. Jeez, girls pretend things are a secret when they really aren't. The worst kind of people are liars who join up with other liars in propagating a terrible lie.

"Yep!" Isshiki squealed in response.

"Didn't you fail a confession already?"

"Hikki! That's rude!"

"It's true," I retorted.

"Yes…" Isshiki said quietly. "But love knows no limits! Try and try again! Fight and fight!" Isshiki stood up in dramatic fashion, as if this were a rounin trying for the university exams for the fourth time in a row and his parents would cut him off if he failed to get into a sixth-rate school.

"Whatever floats your boat," I said, rolling my eyes.

"See? Even Hikki doesn't mind. Let's go support our adorable little kouhai, yeah Yukinon?" Yuigahama leaned over, her face nearly to Yukinoshita's. They were close but Yukinoshita didn't seem to mind the distance.

"So yes yes, Yukinoshita-senpai?" Isshiki pleaded, now performing a low bow of respect. "Come and support me?"

Cupping a thermos cup in her hand, Yukinoshita looked down. There was a brief moment of contemplation before she set aside the thermos and crossed her hands. She had shed her face as Yukinoshita, the Famed Genius from Class J, and had taken on the look of Yukinoshita, President and Leader of the Service Club.

Though to be fair, they look identical.

"The Service Club accepts."

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Clubs have been cancelled today as requested to by the Student Council.

The reason being the very special event being held after school in the gymnasium.

The Cupid Express, the annual event for the Student Council to stay relevant in the Cultural Festival off-season.

"Ara ara… what do we have here?"

I felt a cold presence behind me.

"Yukinoshita Haruno," I muttered. "I suppose you're here to see if someone might break your record for the most confession letters received?"

Haruno-san gasped, rather surprised.

"How did you guess? Do you have psychic powers, Hikigaya-kun?" Haruno-san began tapping my head. She must have thought she looked playful, like a kitten with a ball of string. I felt like a piece of meat being played around with by a tigress.

"I'm not an ESPer. If I was, I would be a useless Level 0." If I had the Imagine Breaker, I'd probably end up punching everyone happier than me until I was the happiest person on the planet. Then I'd make myself some curry and fried chicken.

That'd be bliss.

"Ara ara, if you're a Psychic-type then I would be… an Onee-chan-type! And we're super-effective against Psychic-type monsters. Neh, neh!" Hey hey, are we even playing the same game? Gah! A barrage of pokes came at me like a machine gun punch combo. Jab after jab. A sweet perfume assaulted me with each strike, spearheaded by a pointed jab of her finger. Damn, another round of hits struck my elbow - there were more hits than an Omnislash.

"Oi, Haruno. I don't like seeing my students fight," came Hiratsuka-sensei's command.

Saved from a tigress by a cougar.

"What's wrong with teasing an adorable little underclassman?"

"He's the sort that won't take your teasing the wrong way." Damn right I won't. This woman would give me a run for my life.

"Yes yes," Haruno-san sighed dejectedly. "Ara… so Hiratsuka-sensei. Any good letters this year?"

"It's a good batch," Hiratsuka-sensei nodded. "Unfortunately I had to have a few students - _actually just one in particular_ \- redo the love letter because he completely misinterpreted the spirit of the assignment."

"Oi oi, I redid it didn't I?"

"You just resubmitted the same letter but addressed it to your little sister!"

A fist shot through the air.

It landed on a concrete pillar behind me.

"Y-you… could have killed me," my eyes glanced sideways towards a smoking crater.

"My hand is burning red. It's burning grip tells you to redo this assignment!"

Just how old are you, woman? To quote a finisher from a mediocre franchise spin-off!?

"There there, Hiratsuka-sensei," Haruno-san interjected. "I'm sure Hikigaya-kun meant well. After all, who doesn't love their little sister?"

"Oi… are you really in a position to make that kind of statement…?"

"Aren't I more than qualified? There's no little sister more lovable than Yukino-chan," she said with a smile.

I didn't bother giving her an answer. "I'll be waiting over there until this whole thing blows over."

"Ah… I was hoping to enjoy your company more as we did back in the gardens."

Hiratsuka-sensei whose eyes have been wandering absentmindedly shot back into the conversation. "What company? What gardens?"

Taking advantage, I activated my stealth camouflage [5] and blended in with the crowd. I'll definitely esca-

"_You aren't going anywhere!_" Hiratsuka-sensei had me in a vice-grip.

"Ah! Hello hello!"

A voice called out from the podium. Everyone's eyes in the gymnasium turned towards the adorable senpai with pigtails.

"This is Shiromeguri Meguri!" Meguri-senpai said. "I am here to present the Tenth Annual Cupid Express! As you all know, students are asked to submit love letters to be read. This is a special occasion where we recognize the overflowing feelings of friendship and affections on campus!"

Meguri-senpai thrusted her hand into the air and the student body bought it.

"So without any further ado… let's have the drama club read the letters!"

A skinny little girl and a bespectacled boy both got on the stage. Their names weren't important and they were clearly nervous. Heck, why join the drama club if we can see you guys sweating under the spotlight? Well, I guess it makes sense you want to work on your nerves but hey, be like me and accept your faults are beyond your control.

"S-So… the f-first love letter i-is… um…" the boy stammered.

The girl beside him coughed. "Read the letter first," she urged him. Unfortunately, the mic was on so everybody heard it. Laughter followed soon afterwards.

"A-ah… yes," the boy said, clearing his throat.

"_Dear Hayato Hayama. You are my bro for life. I love you bro. P.S. I love you guys too, Ooka and Yamato."_

I already knew who that one belonged to.

Everyone began snickering and clapping. Tobe was standing off to the side awfully full of himself, with everyone patting him on the back for the joke.

Thinking on it, this was a sound strategic decision on whoever was organizing these letters. It was best to start off the event with the stupid letters first. Otherwise reading a sloppy letter followed by a cheesy joke letter would spoil the mood.

And so the letters were read, one by one.

Each time a letter was read, the crowd squealed or laughed or chuckled. They were making light of love - why? Because people are afraid of commitment. It's only natural. So if you're afraid of something you have to mock it.

That's what this whole thing is, a mockery and Hayama Hayato's the biggest fool of them all.

Each time a letter to addressed to him, he does a nervous smile - like he doesn't like the attention. People clap his back or apologize to the girl he invariable declines to court. I saw Ebina patting Miura's back in comfort. Poor girl. I once knew the feeling of being infatuated with the most popular person in the school… well, somewhat popular… maybe?

It was now in hindsight that I realized that I knew nothing of the girl called Orimoto Kaori.

Then again, some couples are formed. More often than not though, couples are simply being affirmed. Previously acknowledged boyfriends and girlfriends, self-consciously in denial about the stability of hormonal teenage relationships, desperately need that clarification: _we're still together, right? We're happy right? Our relationship is steady, ne ne?_

And of course, some people get rejected.

Those poor ducks…

All in all, Hayama Hayato received 18 love letters.

"One more and he'll tie my record!" Yukinoshita Haruno shouted from the audience.

"Nobody cares about your stupid record! Just because you're more popular with men doesn't mean I'm not!"

"I never said such a thing, Hiratsuka-sensei…"

Those two get along so well.

"U-um," said the girl in glasses. "So we have one more love letter to read…"

"_Dear Hayama Hayato-senpai! I have admired you for a long time. Please go out with me!"_

The drama student sat down reading the letter, fumbling through. "It's signed from… from… um… ah…"

"What's wrong?" asked the student beside her.

"There's no name on this one."

I heard a squeal off towards the side.

Isshiki was trembling, her face flushed red, and looking incredibly embarrassed.

Wait.

Was that Isshiki's letter?

That was it? That's her letter? She wrote two sentences with a greeting and forgot to sign her name on the thing? Oh man, Isshiki. I suppose the Service Club is a chore but shouldn't one take pleasure in their work? Then again, I love it when confessions fail - it helps me forget mine ever occurred… and now I'm remembering again.

Woe is me.

"Oh… um… that's it?" the bespectacled boy muttered to himself. "Guess there's no more to this one… alright that's all the letters we have for this year! Whew!" He dropped the mic and followed the girl backstage. I hope that guy takes a shower because he looked like he walked through a typhoon.

"Ha! A tie! Well, normally when there's a tie the defending champion keeps the title!" I could hear Haruno cheering out in the front of the crowd.

What ridiculous wrestling program have you been watching with Hiratsuka-sensei?

"Like I said, no one cares!"

"Now now, Hiratsuka-sensei…"

Truly, the two of them do care. More so than the anyone else in the auditorium.

"Hikigaya-kun," said a cold voice.

Yukinoshita appeared beside me.

"Yo," I replied. "Your mood seems sour."

Yukinoshita gaze averted from mine and went towards the stage. "Isshiki-san," she murmured.

Ah, maybe she was feeling sympathetic?

"Seems Isshiki's confession failed. Again." 0-2 is not a record to be proud of. I mean, I'm just 0-1. Although if you consider how many times I asked Yukinoshita we could be friends we would probably be 0-2… or 0-1-1. I technically didn't even get to finish my sentence one of those times so I'll just call that a draw.

"Indeed. I suppose I should stay away from her for now."

Yes. It would make the most sense to stay away from a freshly rejected maiden in love… wait…

"What did you blurt out to her just now?" Knowing Yukinoshita, she probably ran her mouth and said something insensitive.

Yukinoshita shot a glare at me before continuing. "I said, 'how forgetful can you be? You forgot to sign your own love letter?' It's far from a legitimate mistake. Even kindergartners are taught to write their names on their assignments. My goodness," Yukinoshita said with a sigh, rubbing her temples.

"The mistakes of mortals get to you?"

"More than they should," Yukinoshita agreed. This woman knows nothing of modesty.

"Well, I think Hayama can do without another one…" I scoffed. Despite a 100% rejection rate, the University of Hayama Hayato was still having applicants apply - desperately showing off their resume, transcripts, and test scores. And by resume, transcripts, and test scores, I meant unbuttoning the top three buttons and leaning in really close to him.

Hayama Hayato's world must be like a marshmallow cloud.

"Ah ah! Wait wait wait everyone!"

People were already preparing to leave the auditorium.

Yuigahama was still consoling Isshiki. It's just a failed confession. Get over it. Then again, it took me a few years to get over mine… okay, on the other hand the therapy might be helpful.

"We actually have one more letter!" Meguri-senpai had taken a hold of the mic. "It seems there was a letter left behind in the pile we forgot to add in… And we can't let any feelings of love go unsent, right!?"

A small chorus of cheers followed the president. It would seem that she has really high charisma stats.

"So… without further ado…"

"Dear H.H…" Meguri-senpai stopped speaking as if confused. "H.H… Hayama Hayato?"

Another letter to Hayama Hayato?

"Hayato-kun! You've beaten my precious record!?"

"Haruno! Silence! Besides, you're both ten thousands years too young to enter into the realm of love. You haven't had the agonizing experience of realizing all men want is a woman with a house and car and to make meals for him and to pay all the bills while he tries to get his music career to take off…"

"U-um… Hiratsuka-sensei…"

Someone please write a love letter to Hiratsuka-sensei or else she'll make me write one to her!

"Ah… I'll start again," Meguri said with a slight flush on her cheeks caused by the distraction from the two older women.

"Do we really need another Hayama letter?" I muttered to no one in particular.

"It cannot be helped," Yukinoshita answered. "There are those who receive the affections of others regardless of whether they desire them or not."

"Love sounds like a pain."

"It is," Yukinoshita said, almost as if in a whisper.

Meguri cleared her throat and began reading the letter.

"_Dear Hayama Hayato,_

_Viewed from an overall standpoint, the written medium is an inefficient method of communication." _

For some reason, the opening line made me laugh. It made me think of Yukinoshita who was standing right beside me. A small number of snickers could be heard in the crowd.

"Is whoever writing this trying to get rejected?" I asked Yukinoshita.

She remained silent.

"_Thoughts must be etched onto paper, which must be made, using pencils or pens, which must also be made. Paper itself is relatively weak. Water, fire, storm, snow, and the ravages of time can in but a single instant wipe out the memories of people and the legacy of civilizations. Even still, despite this, words can be misinterpreted and misunderstood and their meaning changed or lost to time."_

Whoever wrote this must love to talk…

… and desperately wants to be understood.

Yuigahama was near the front, her eyes glued to President Meguri who continued reading. Isshiki was next to her, no better. Hayama looked impressed as his grouping around him paid closed attention to the words that would come next.

"_If there was a more clearer method to express my feelings for you I would use it, but for now, this shall suffice."_

Heh. "Hey Yukinoshita. I kind of like this letter," I said. Crossing my arms, I thought it was amusing how unromantic it was, especially for a letter to the prince of pretty boys himself - Totsuka not included.

"Nugh…"

A soft gasp came from Yukinoshita.

"Oi." I looked over and saw that she was clutching her heart. "What's wrong?"

"_When you entered my life, I thought nothing of you. But as time went on, we became… closer, yet distant. It's as if our relationship was a Schrodinger's Cat, existing when you look one moment yet it would be dead the next moment."_

"Hey, come on," I muttered to Yukinoshita. "Eyes open."

Yukinoshita averted her gaze from mine.

"Ara ara…" I heard Haruno-san say under her breath.

"Haruno." Hiratsuka-sensei's voice was serious. "Were you behind this?"

"Sensei, how can you accuse me of such a thing…?"

What were they talking about? Some kind of Machiavellian Scheme? [6]

I looked to Meguri-senpai, still narrating the letter.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Yuigahama turn to look towards us. Her eyes were wide with disbelief.

"_Our philosophies couldn't be more different. What I want is a world where there is no poverty or malice or lies. You wanted a world that didn't change, or perhaps… you yourself didn't want to change. You… you wanted a world where everyone is happy."_

A world where everyone can be happy, huh…? That's certainly something Hayama would want.

Following Yuigahama's eyes, Isshiki turned around too, also staring at us. Her gaze was confused, like she was missing something. Then suddenly, it was like she had received the Holy Spirit at Pentecost, [7] and began urgently tugging on Yuigahama's sleeve.

Yuigahama remained still.

I didn't understand. Why were they staring at us?

Looking away from the stage, I returned my eyes back to Yukinoshita. She was shivering, like it was the arctic in the cramped and stuffy gymnasium. Her hair hid her face - for a moment she resembled a Grudge more than a person.

"_I think one of those things is a lie… but apart from that I know that one day, maybe, you'll save me."_

"Nugh ugh…" The sounds Yukinoshita made were grotesque. They were like a cat struggling to breath, choking on something caught in her throat.

"D-do you need water?" I asked nervously. I wanted to take a step back, but Yukinoshita continued to draw me in. Her head hung low and her arms held herself.

"H-hey," I said.

I could feel Hayama Hayato's eyes on us now, too. I turned to meet them. They were filled with surprise and… pity?

"_You always desired an ideal world. Please, let me part of it."_

Wait…

No…

Yuigahama, Isshiki and Hayama… they weren't looking at us.

To be precise, they weren't looking at _me_.

Yukinoshita's eyes looked up from the floor. They met mine. They were glossy, the sort that looked like the wet calm before a storm.

Did that mean - Yukinoshita. Hayama. Were they…?

Was the power of a childhood friendship and precious memories that great?

"Hey, did you write-"

"_Affectionately yours…"_

Yukinoshita gave a sad smile. She didn't need to answer. She knew she didn't need to answer.

An urge to touch her came over me.

A wish to make sure she was alright.

But the reality is, she was far from alright. She wasn't okay. She wasn't… Yukinoshita.

The urge faded.

I'm not blind. I'm not stupid.

Maybe I was the last person Yukinoshita wanted to be around right now.

With a final dramatic pause, Meguri took in a deep breath before revealing the author of the letter which had touched the hearts of the student body. The same letter written to Hayama Hayato as a confession of love. With a smile on her face as fake as a candle to replace the sun, she exclaimed:

"_Yukinoshita Yukino"_

Head after head of students turned towards the writer of the letter.

Haruno-san was looking at her younger sister with eyes filled with… something, I couldn't decipher it.

Hiratsuka-sensei shared a similar expression. What was that emotion? Regret maybe?

Yuigahama was shaking her head, as if she couldn't believe it. I guess even Yukinoshita Yukino kept her secrets from her closest friends… no, friend.

Isshiki… it looked like she was in mid-tug on Yuigahama's sleeve. Her eyes were filled with hurt. I couldn't blame her for feeling this way.

After all, who'd have thought that the person who aided her most would be her greatest rival?

The virgin trio had their mouths wide open and were pointing excitedly in Yukinoshita's direction.

Miura looked like she was about to commit a murder and the only one restraining her was Ebina.

Hayama himself didn't smile. He didn't frown either.

He looked lost.

"Yu-Yukinon…" I heard Yuigahama call out.

Wordlessly, Yukinoshita Yukino left. Stares followed as her footsteps echoed through the silence of the gymnasium.

The message in her heart had been delivered.

Thanks, Cupid.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

_Can Yukinoshita Yukino even write a Love Letter? Fin_

**Next Chapter:** _A Hotpot from Totsuka Saika with Love_

**Footnotes:**

[1] **G****reen Tea Kit-Kats **\- _magical stuff._

[2] **Drinking the Kool-Aid **\- _an expression used to suggest someone has submitted to propaganda or surrendered to a failing system and is now part of it. Originated from a cult mass suicide._

[3] **NEET, Body Pillow, Akibahara** \- _the dream lifestyle._

[4] **"I must simply make you miso soup every day."** \- _A variation of "I want to eat your miso soup every day" which is sometimes said by male protagonist characters offhandedly to heroines who cook for them. It's an implied marriage proposal._

[5] **Stealth Camouflage - **_Metal Gear Solid item that allows the user complete invisibility._

[6] **Machiavellian Scheme** \- _a cutthroat plan for political or underhanded gain._

[7] **Holy Spirit at Pentecost** \- _Pentecost happens 40 days after Easter. It is said in the Acts of the Apostles that on this day, all of Jesus' apostles were gifted with the gift of speech, and spoke freely and energetically to all those who would listen._


	4. Hotpot

**Summary:** _Valentines' Day - a day of love, pink, and chocolates. In the spirit of the coming holiday, Hiratsuka-sensei gives her Modern Japanese periods an assignment: write a love letter. So naturally, Hikigaya writes a love letter to the person he loves the most._

_Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru_

_Chapter 4_

**A Hotpot from Totsuka Saika with Love**

**oO oOoOo Oo**

I sneezed into my miso soup.

"Oniichan! Don't sneeze into your breakfast!"

Komachi rattled on to the side, taking advantage of me wiping my nose to seize my rolled eggs but leaving the tomato slices. Sheesh, she's merciless when it comes to hostile takeover of food.

"Not like I wanted to," I replied, tossing the tissue into the trash can.

"Hehe, maybe someone's thinking of you this morning?"

"Highly doubt it," I said, finishing my breakfast and heading my way to school.

I walked a bit faster that day. Maybe I was expecting something - like a package awaiting my at the front door or the shoebox at school. I hastened my steps, anxious.

But the gossip swirling around answered my question for me.

Yukinoshita didn't come to school today.

Such an absence is rare, perhaps even unnatural. She might be dead. In fact, the only other time I recall her ever being absent was because she had overworked herself during the cultural festival. She had a one-track mind, and would commit everything to beat it into submission, like a hammer that has but one solution to a problem: to give and give until it relents.

She's selfless in that way…

Damn noblesse oblige.

The girl's too perfect for her own good and it's a hassle sometimes, but at least I could sympathize. Regardless, everyone has their own demons. Some embrace theirs more than others.

To say the day was quiet would be a lie.

High school students are immature, tribal and barbaric and little better than savages. Give them a taste of something good and they begin to turn into children. One moment they're keen on talking about the next karaoke bar or barbeque joint and the next they're spreading rumors.

"Oi oi! Did you hear about the latest rumor?" Virgin Ooka once again initiated the conversation.

"Yeah yeah! Everybody knows, man!" said Tobe. "Still, did you learn anything new?"

"Yeah yeah! So listen up…"

Tobe leaned closer as Virgin Ooka began whispering the secret to him like it was the United States' nuclear arsenal codes.

And so the three stooges began retelling the same rumor for the umpteenth time that morning.

It was spreading to everyone, from each pair to passing couple. There hasn't been such a rise in the rumor mill since… since… well, just _ever_. Cliques were slowly dissolving, a temporary state in the usually rigid high school hierarchy, as students fluctuated between groups to spread whatever new tidbit of gossip they came across. Students from other classes would come in without the usual announcements, eager to spread the latest word.

"Hey hey, I heard Yukinoshita-san didn't come to school today!" a student said.

"Really? Hayato-kun's not at school today either…" said another.

"Seriously? No way, I saw him at soccer practice this morning," a third student replied.

The other two laughed. "Maybe they do the lovey-dovey stuff after school, haha!"

Thus was the state of Class 2-F this morning.

Humans are pitiful creatures, if they weren't so stupid I think I'd feel sorry them. But it's because of their stupidity that they continue to wallow in their day to day affairs, unable to see the larger scheme. Who wants to be stuck listening to the same people over and over, wondering who will be the next to be sacrificed for the sake of the spider's amusement?

Murmurs begin reaching a crescendo.

Ah.

There he was, the catalyst.

People's stupidity climaxes when patient zero arrives.

A wild Hayama Hayato has appeared.

"Good morn-"

A gatling gun of questions began firing at his direction.

Poor guy got shot down with so many 'Shout and Ask Repetitive and Annoying Questions' attacks that I was worried if he'd have enough HP left to stand. Maybe that kind of stuff is not very effective against him?

Before long, whatever semblance of order and public decency began degrading as people began piling to get closer to Hayama to ask their questions, which were indistinguishable from each other. All the questions pertained to the newly rumored relationship with Yukinoshita. They were like children who had seen a car accident and began to rudely point at it. Haven't their mothers taught them that it was rude to point?

Whatever.

I had nothing to ask him.

If Hayama was even answering the questions at this point, I doubt anybody could hear him.

Then, in an instant flash of blonde drills, a sudden wave of heat dominated the room.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Out of my way! All of you… **SHUT UP**!"

Hell hath no fury like a Miura Yumiko scorned.

Miura cleared the path for her clique of Ebina and Yuigahama. She had taken up the mantle as the prophet of the Church of Hayama. With her sheer presence, she had parted the students like the Red Sea.

"You! Back up! And you get your ugly-buck-tooth butt back to your seat."

Ouch.

"Greasy haired otaku, go play your Yugi-Poke-mans-whatever in the corner."

The Queen of the Castle was utterly merciless…

"And you… _what do you even want me to say?_ Get a mirror before you put on that eyeliner, you filthy casual."

Shots fired.

Shots fired.

Shots fired everywhere.

Everyone dropped down to their seats. Miura's kill streak was l-l-l-ludicrous.

"H-hey, Yumiko… maybe that was a bit harsh?"

Indeed, Miura's limit break went on a 17-hit combo for 9999 with TRIGGER to KO the entire class. The atmosphere was tense and thick, but I doubt Miura cared at this point.

Well, chaos is a ladder after all and Miura has no problem pushing people off to climb it.

"If any idiot bothers Hayato, then they're bothering me. And I will cut down whatever in this world causes any disturbances to me." Miura took a seat upon her throne and went on her phone. "Even if it's Yukinoshita…"

Woah there, you aren't Celestial Being.

"Eh… I-I don't think it's Yukinon's fault…" Yuigahama said softly.

A loud slam thundered through the classroom.

"Not. Her. Fault?"

Each word was emphasized. Yuigahama just committed a capital offense.

"Hey hey, Yumiko, why don't we go to the arcade after…?" Ebina stepped in with a smile, her glasses fogged up from her rising temperature. With red cheeks she went on, "We can go see some pretty boys and we can decide which one is more uke and seme-"

Miura shot Ebina a glare.

"O-or not… hehe…" Ebina laughed nervously.

The class was silent. It's as if nobody was breathing. Well, except for one.

"That's rather unnecessary, Yumiko." Hayama placed a hand on Miura's shoulder. "But I appreciate the thought, even if you were a bit ruthless."

"H-Hayato…" Miura looked like a princess completely lost in the eyes of her prince.

"I see you meant well. But please, be less critical of others."

It was a charming and diplomatic response, one that relaxed the class atmosphere.

"Still…" Miura continued biting her fingernail. "Isn't it all _her_ fault?"

"I doubt it," Hayama said with a smile. "I think I'll go take a walk. _Alone_. Please try to relax, Yumiko," he said.

With a final pat on her shoulders, Hayama left the classroom.

Nobody said anything. Like rushing water, tension once again filled the room and overwhelmed it. It was like drowning in the ocean.

I swear I could have heard my own heartbeat.

Miura looked at the doorway where Hayama was just at moments ago.

"She said… she said she didn't like him…" she said to no one in particular.

"Yumiko…" Yuigahama whispered. Ebina placed two hands on Yumiko's shoulder. Physical reassurance is a useful tool when calming down hysterical women. Or a sexual harassment charge. But Yumiko made no reaction. It was as if she was dead to the world.

"I'm sure Hayato's fine," Ebina said reassuringly.

"She said there was nothing between them…" Miura murmured distantly. In the silence of the classroom, the murmur might as well have been well broadcasted on the P.A. system.

"W-well, Yumiko…" Yuigahama began.

"What?"

The death glare from Miura could kill.

"Yukinon… she said-"

"Ah, that's right… you're _her_ friend, aren't you?"

"Yes!" Yuigahama affirmed. "But I'm your friend too!"

Miura looked at Yuigahama. "You've changed…"

"I-I don't think I did…"

Miura's eyes narrowed. "You're probably too dumb to see it yourself," Miura huffed. She turned to Ebina. "Hasn't Yuigahama changed?"

"Um… ah…" Ebina was at a loss for words.

When the alpha leads her pack into starvation, it's expected that the alpha will begin cannibalizing its own. This is done in order to quell one's frustration. This is seen in corporate recalls where people begin blaming and pointing others or doctors in malpractice lawsuits. High school girls are no different. If anything, they adhere more to the tribal principles. These girls weren't a wolf pack - they were a bunch of vultures, ready to tear each other to pieces.

High school girls are cruel in that sense, and so poorly understood. They should make a nature documentary about them narrated by some quaint British fellow.

"There we have it," Miura said, somehow reasoning Ebina's lack of coherent response as an acceptable form of proof.

"Ah…" Yuigahama's eyes became downcast.

Poor Yuigahama. It was like she was carrying a wrestling feud on behalf of a part-time World Heavyweight Champion who never shows.

"So," Miura continued. "What did _she_ say?"

"Yu-Yukinon said the initials were H.H. T-The president made a mistake reading the name…"

"That's it?"

"Yeah."

"So it could have been him, couldn't it?"

"There there Yumiko," Ebina assured. "A lot of boys have names with initials H.H. right? How do we know she meant Hayato? She could have meant anyone else, ne?"

Miura sat silently.

That woman is a swirling vortex of the worst vices of females. She reeks of cheap perfume and gaudy magazine accessories. Any good qualities, on the generous assumption she has any, is overshadowed by her untold thousands upon thousands of faults. She cooks and brews and thinks. Miura is a woman who knows what she wants, has always gotten what she wants, and finally can complain her way into getting what she wants.

I pitied her a little.

The bell rang.

Hayama Hayato was still not in class.

"There's only one person with the initials H.H. who matters…"

Miura's eyes went to Hayama's empty seat.

"… and he might be too far for me to reach."

**oO oOoOo Oo**

The cold hasn't left yet.

Lunch had come but choosing between the annoying classroom and the frigid cold I sought the best of both worlds: the warm comfort of the Service Room. Though Yukinoshita was absent, I was still a member of the Service Club. It was convenient to have a place to stay and all it took was convincing some newbie teacher that I was the vice-president of the Service Club to get a hold of the key.

Walking to the unused classroom serving as the clubroom, it was strange to feel the keys in my pocket.

Unlocking the door, I entered the room.

My eyes instinctively went to the seat by the window. It was unoccupied today.

Sitting on my usual chair, I took out my lunch; a curry bread and some milk. I also had a can of warm Coffee MAX for the daily helping of caffeine in my diet.

Then, the door began to creak open.

"Yu-Yukinon!?"

The door flung open.

Yuigahama bursted into the room. I had begun eating my lunch. I didn't need to look at her to know she didn't find what she had expected.

"O-oh… Hikki…"

"Yo."

"The door was unlocked… I thought Yukinon was… but…"

"I borrowed the key."

Yuigahama began fidgeting. In her hands was a lunch box wrapped in a flowery pink cloth and another one wrapped in a plain blue one. I assume she thought she could make lunch for Yukinoshita to cheer her up but that scenario would not come to fruition… wait.

"Did you buy those bentos?" I asked.

"N-no!" Yuigahama said. "I-I…"

"You had your mom make them?"

Yuigahama nodded. _What a shamefur dispray._

I rose and went to the window.

The sky, despite the cold weather, was still clear.

But on the edges of the horizon, there were clouds gathering. If I remember the weatherman it was supposed to rain, or maybe hail, but my instincts told me it would snow.

Ah… nothing beats a hot drink on a cold day.

Taking the Coffee MAX, still fresh and hot from the machine, I took a sip. Such bliss. It really cleanses the mind.

"Y-you seem like you're in a good mood, Hikki…"

Oh that's right, Yuigahama was still here.

Turning around to face her, I took another swig of my Coffee MAX. "Saying it like that implies I shouldn't be a good mood."

"N-no, what I mean is… Yukinon… and Hayato-kun, aren't you concerned at all?"

A chill crawled up my spine and through my chest.

"No. Should I be?"

Yuigahama stiffened. "I-I see…" She lowered her head into a frown. I caught a slight smile but it formed for a fraction of a moment. A snowflake in on a sunny day probably lasted longer than it. "W-well, you promised me that you'd help her, right!? So we gotta do something!"

"Yukinoshita can handle it herself," I said, returning to the view.

Some girls on the tennis team were playing. I could see my beloved Totsuka carrying water bottles to the ungrateful players. _Argh_! Look at them, crowding around him all smiles… Totsuka's smile is like a sun compared to their candlelight grins!

"A-ah… is that so," Yuigahama said taking a seat. "Yukinon said it's not a problem…"

Turning around, I saw that she was still unconvinced.

"If she has something to tell us, she will" I said. "If she doesn't tell us, then it's not our problem."

Yuigahama looked to me, angry.

"Everyone has secrets, Hikki!"

"Yukinoshita doesn't lie," I replied, confident in my answer.

I said Yukinoshita doesn't lie.

That woman can sideswipe the truth. She can walk around a lie. She can go a number of mental gymnastics to, by the barest definitions that would make lawyers cry, justify whatever she is saying isn't a lie. She is a woman with absolute conviction in her duty. Yukinoshita doesn't lie…

But did I really believe that?

Yuigahama looked at her feet.

"Take a seat," I said.

"I'll make some tea," said Yuigahama.

She moved slowly towards the water heater. The thought came over me that Yuigahama might not be able to brew tea. I mean, if she couldn't make cookies, then was it a stretch that she couldn't brew tea either? Hopefully Yuigahama had enough points in her INT stats to master the [_Brew Tea_] and [_Pour Tea_] skills…

As Yuigahama began fumbling through the buttons (was it that difficult to press 'Boil'?), the room became quiet. The only noises were her mumblings about what she could do. Yuigahama was usually the one who eased the atmosphere whenever the situation became tense… now she was the one who was uneased.

Yukinoshita was gone. Yuigahama was uneased.

Is this how awkward situations develop?

… was it always this awkward?

"So… did you hear anything from Yukinoshita?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Um… 'Boil'… mhm…"

H-hey now… did my presence just revert back to nothingness? "Oi Yuigahama…"

"But what does 'Unlock' mean? Do I press 'Unlock' first…?"

"Yuigahama…" Rising from my seat, I walked over to her. I guess she was so enthralled by the a simple water boiler that Yukinoshita regularly operated that Yuigahama herself never learned how to use it. I walked over behind her to tap her on the shoulder.

"Maybe I should-"

"Yui-"

"Eh?"

Yuigahama turned her head towards the sound of my voice. Our eyes met briefly. I could smell her breath - still minty from the little remnants of toothpaste. Her eyes were wide and I saw my reflection in them, a reflection of myself staring at her. Like an endless cycle, we were caught up by the proximity and lack of distance.

"_Eeep_!" Yuigahama reacted instinctively, pushing me away.

"Argh!"

"Hikki! Too close! Penalty!"

Her cheeks were flushed red. Her breathing was heavy with a hand over her chest.

"S-sorry," I said. Mea culpa.

"N-no… it was my fault," said Yuigahama, her voice calming down. "I overreacted, hehe…"

"No, it was really my fault," I said.

Yuigahama smiled. "No need to apologize, Hikki," she said cheerfully. She waved a hand in front of her, as if to clear away the bad air. "Come on! We can figure out how to make tea together," she suggested.

Seriously, if you're going to be a girl, at least know how to make tea.

When the tea was brewed and finished, Yuigahama went to pour the tea into the cups.

"Are you sure you got that?" I asked, skeptical of her skill level in [_Pour Tea_].

"Yes! Even a dum-dum like me can pour tea, Hikki," Yuigahama said carefully pouring a cup into the mugs. Well, at least she was in good spirits. After setting aside the tea cups, she took a seat on the other side of the table across from me.

I took a seat and looked at Yuigahama's book.

It was Kenji Miyazawa's _Night on the Galactic Railroad_.

"Did you rent this from the library?" I asked.

"Oh?" Yuigahama set the tea down. "I picked it up before… that was what Yukinon liked to read. I know some people from Library Committee so I got them to look up what Yukinon was checking out… and, well…" Yuigahama nervously laughed, "… I just thought if I read what she read, I'd understand her a little more, ya know?"

"I understand. May I?"

"Ah, sure!"

Opening the book and flipping through the pages, the familiar scenes went through my mind. My mind experienced one of those grainy black-and-white footage moments complete with cigarette burns. It's an old book. I'm surprised I even remember Giovanni and Campanella.

"I wonder if the letter was really meant for Hayato-kun…" Yuigahama's voice sounded distant. "Maybe Yukinon didn't want to upset the class? And like, Yumiko is really annoyed because Hayato-kun doesn't want to talk about it either."

"It sounds like their problem," I said.

Yuigahama puffed her cheeks up. "It's our problem too!"

I eyed her carefully. Setting aside the book, I crossed my arms.

"If Yukinoshita wants our help, then she better ask."

"Friends don't need to ask!"

The words struck me to the core. Friends don't need to ask? What are friends, some sort of ESPer clique led by Mental Out? Is Yukinoshita somehow our Level 5 Queen of Sobu High that we're all magically supposed to know what are her explicit orders?

"Yukinoshita isn't my friend."

Yuigahama eyes narrowed on me before they softened.

"Still, I want to do something for her."

"Go visit her like you usually do," I said. "Cook dinner with her and watch a movie together, like a date but between girls. Don't they call that a girl's night out? I hear they're pretty popular with middle-aged office women. You're well on your way to gracefully aging."

My comment was not taken with much fanfare as the paper cup to my face would suggest.

"Ah," I said, thinking of things too close to my face. "That reminds me. Isshiki."

"Eh?" Yuigahama tilted her head sideways.

"Yesterday must have been a surprise for her," I said, referencing the unexpected love letter.

"A-ah! Yes!"

"Well, I guess Yukinoshita did kind of ruin her big day." Then again, she also committed seppuku by not writing her name on the letter.

"Aha… but like, at least Iroha-chan's brave enough to try in the first place, right?" Typical Yuigahama, always looking to the brightside. That sort of outlook won't last too long in the rainstorm of the corporate slave world. "Well, I spoke to her."

"Really? I'm surprised you weren't counselling her over a therapy session."

"H-Hikki! Iroha-chan doesn't need a psychiatrist!"

"True. She forgot to sign her own name on her own letter… she probably needs a tutor."

Resting my chin on my palm, I felt that was a fairly Yukinoshita thing to say. 'Isshiki-san, please study this and practice writing your name on your assignments ten billion times, please.'

"Yukinon already volunteered," Yuigahama sighed. "Anyway, I ran into her this morning and told her that the whole thing was a mixup."

"And? How'd she take it?"

"She said that she'd put her faith in us."

"Huh."

What a naive girl. It's a common rule of life to always keep your cards close to your chest. For Isshiki to put her trust so easily in the hands of strangers only shows a weakness that can be exploited and manipulated. If she trusts us this much, I bet we could convince her that Hayama's actually a shinigami and has a girl living in his closet, and they have wacky adventures defeating demons with holes in them. And then Isshiki can live her life honestly believing that and move on from Hayama.

"Yeah! So everything should be okay… well, at least by like, a little bit, you know?"

The room became quiet again. The wind outside was a gentle but chilling breeze. The tea was slowly cooling as time passed by.

Yuigahama turned her head towards the window.

"We don't know what Hayato-kun is to Yukinon… and what Yukinon is to Hayato-kun… but…"

"What are you getting at?"

"It's… just like, speculation, but…"

"But?"

"Yukinon never said it wasn't Hayato-kun… only that the initials were H.H…"

"I thought you said the president made a mistake," I said.

Yuigahama laughed nervously.

"I… kind of lied…"

My heart sank.

"You lied."

"Well, Yukinon… she like, wouldn't tell me anything, you know? Only that the person she wanted the letter to reach… got it."

"Which means it was for Hayama," I said. A bit of bitterness may have come out. Yuigahama sat down, staring at the floor and kicked her legs absentminded in the air.

"Maybe it was for Hayato-kun," Yuigahama suggested in a soft voice.

"What's your point?" I said getting more irritated than I should.

A slight smile formed on her lips.

"We know they're childhood friends… and we know that they spend a lot of time together because of their families. Maybe, just maybe, they had something back then… and both of them still want to return back to that time…"

The implication of what Yuigahama was getting at didn't sit well with my stomach.

It was true, though.

Yuigahama had brought up something I didn't - or maybe I just didn't want to - think about.

I've only known Yukinoshita for less than a year.

Hayama had known her for almost his entire life.

They shared memories together. They grew up together. There's probably things between them that only they would know about; a relationship so intimate that a loner like myself couldn't possibly understand.

I'm not even her friend. I'm barely an acquaintance. So…

So what did I mean to her?

Probably nothing. 'I'm alright with that,' I would tell myself.

Yeah, I'm alright with that.

Yuigahama sat across from me. It was just us alone in the clubroom now. The room seemed a emptier without Yukinoshita. In the end, the room is just place - I imagine that's the next goofy goodie thing to come out of Yuigahama. 'Yeah! It's just a clubroom! What matters is our friendship!' like some Saturday morning cartoon character going on about morals.

Cartoon characters live in a fantasy, a fantasy that has no basis in reality.

Reality is harsh and cruel. Reality is the truth we all live by. Once upon a time I was okay with that. I liked it, even. After all, we live in a world where the law is give and take, but…

"Maybe Yukinon really does love Hayato-kun…" Yuigahama whispered in thought.

But for some reason, reality was really annoying me right now.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

"Ah! Hachiman! Yuigahama-san!"

Returning to class we bumped into Totsuka in the hallway.

He was still wearing his beautiful green track jersey. A soft sheen of sweat glazed his skin… the thought of Totsuka serving me tea began filling my mind. Yes, yes… he would do it gracefully with every elegance worthy of a Heian-era princess.

Swinging in his hands was a water bottle carrier.

"Let me get that for you," I offered. Picking it up, I found it heavier than I had anticipated. Damn, how could a couple of water bottles be so heavy? Totsuka smiled at me.

"Thanks Hachiman!"

Ah… such bliss… so angelic… I wanted to protect that smile.

"Sai-chan, yahallo!" Yuigahama greeted. "Just finishing tennis practice?"

"Yes!" Totsuka affirmed with his two hands pumped into the air. "We're training really hard for our next regional competition!"

His enthusiasm was infectious. If I wasn't holding the water bottles, I'd cheer with him.

"Ah! So since you two are here, do you mind I ask how Yukinoshita-san is doing?"

Yuigahama smiled. "I got a text saying she has a slight cold," she said. "But she should return to school soon…"

"Ah! That's good!"

"Hey." The two of them turned their heads towards me. "Speaking of a slight cold, can we get into the classroom? The hallway heaters aren't as good as the classroom heaters and well…"

"Ah! That's true, Hachiman!" Totsuka said, clapping his hands. "That's what we should do!"

His adorable expression caught me off guard. The case of plastic bottles in my grip nearly slipped.

"Do what?" Yuigahama asked.

"It's been cold lately. We should try to warm up Yukinoshita-san!"

O-oi… is it really okay for an angelic being to be saying such lewd things?

Yuigahama waved her hands. "N-no that's not necessary…"

Totsuka shook her head. "I won't take no for an answer!" He said pressing a finger onto my nose. "I still owe you guys for helping me out with the tennis club way back, after all."

"A-ah… sure… but how can we warm Yukinoshita? Are we going to dump a pot of boiling water on her?" My mind turned to a crude American practice where coaches are dumped with a barrel of iced sports drink as a celebratory act. Americans are weird…

"Mhm… boiling water… pot… that's a great idea, Hachiman!" Totsuka looked to Yuigahama and they began clapping excitedly.

H-hey now, don't leave me out of the loop.

"Uh… what did I say?"

Silence.

"Sai-chan's talking about a hot pot, Hikki. Even I got that…"

Coming from Yuigahama… ouch.

"Yeah! A hot pot is a definite must in the last days of winter. To warm us up and keep our spirits high. We can get mushrooms and seafood and beef slices…" Totsuka listed on and on.

"Mhmm… sounds good," I said. The thought of Totsuka's cooking made my mouth water.

"Ah! My brother, Hachiman!"

Oh crap.

"Ah, Zaimokuza… " I said, annoyed. While the plans for hot pot memories with Totsuka had concluded, here comes the one who was the most deluded. "What do you want?"

"Gufum, gufum! Are you not curious as to why I decided to come to you after lunch?"

"No."

"A-ah!" Zaimokuza stumbled backwards. "So crude, Hachiman!"

"Well? Spit it out."

"R-right!" he said, clearing his throat. "After my lunch, I found my stomach to still not be full!"

"And?" How on earth was this my problem…?

"And then I remembered a promise we made eons ago on the battlefield!"

H-hey, people are looking at us weirdly…

A finger was pointed straight at my face. "You still owe me ramen!"

Seriously? "That was from way back!" Well, a couple of weeks to be precise.

"A Hachiman always repays his debts!"

That's not my House's words!

"Garoo! I want ramen!" Thought it was to be expected, Zaimokuza had a very childish side to him as well… "Ramen! Ramen! Ramen!"

"Zai… Zaimokuza-kun," a voice timidly spoke up. "We… we can have ramen in the hot pot if that's alright with you…?"

The tantrum stopped immediately. No! Totsuka! Don't be such a good mother to him! Spoil him too much and he'll grow up with a rotten heart!

"Acceptable," Zaimokuza said with a sniffle.

Wait, was this guy crying for real?

Yuigahama looked at Zaimokuza, then at Totsuka and then finally at me. Her lips curled into a smile before she threw a fist into the air.

"So we are going to go have a hot pot at Yukinon's place!" She said excitedly as she pulled out her phone. "I'll tell her that we're coming after school."

"I'll get the ingredients!" Totsuka offered.

Oh. A chance! "He-"

"Gufum! Such ingredients much weigh a lot. Luckily I've been pumping a lot of points into my STR lately so I shall help Sir Totsuka out with carrying such ingredients…"

D-damn you Zaimokuza…

"H-hey, I'll help too!" Yuigahama pipped up.

"Hey… that's great and all," I said slowly. "But can we go into the classroom now?" I sneezed. "I'm freezing out here."

**oO oOoOo Oo**

"So… whatcha doing here Kawasaki?"

The silver haired girl beside me turned her head away from me. Her ponytail slapped my face and I nearly dropped the groceries I was carrying. What have I ever done to deserve this attitude…? Maybe I just forgot what exactly I did.

Why was I thinking of black lace…?

"I-if you must know, I'm n-not here because of you! It's because Yuigahama-san invited me."

"That's… wonderful…" I gritted my teeth saying that. Zaimokuza was telling Totsuka about Azuchi-Momoyama era cuisine and how most farmers back then ate millet while samurai ate rice while peasants occasionally feasted on venison, other wild game, and fish. It would have been a fascinating lecture if he didn't punctuate with how certain types of food gave himself magical buffs.

Yuigahama pressed a button on the intercom of Yukinoshita's apartment.

"Yukinon! We're here! Mind opening up for us?"

The intercom hummed. "Very well."

"Hurry up, Yukinoshita. I'm freezing out here," I said, shouting into the intercom. She probably couldn't hear me. No matter, complaining makes me feel better anyways…

"Achoo!"

"Cover your mouth when you sneeze. That's filthy," said Kawasaki, still looking away.

"Hey, it'd be great if you could hold some of the groceries too…"

The doors began opening. Zaimokuza, who was carrying the pot and hot plate, hopped along inside with Totsuka following along. Yuigahama led the way, clearly pleased in knowing the way to Yukinoshita's apartment better than anyone else in the group.

"It's n-not my fault you offered to carry the stuff…" Kawasaki said quietly, walking through the door.

How could I refuse Totsuka's smile?

I sighed and entered the elevator.

We arrived to Yukinoshita's apartment door. Our merry band of five; Yuigahama the fearless leader; Totsuka the meticulous planner; Zaimokuza the carrier of pots and hotplates; Kawasaki the drag-along; and me, who was the original drag-along who was now carrying the vegetables. Luckily they were on sale and Totsuka, in his infinite generosity, offered to pay for all the ingredients and supplies.

Totsuka is a living saint.

The door creaked open.

I doubt Yukinoshita knew what just happened.

Before she could say, "Welcome, sorry for the mess," in an otherwise spotless apartment, the merry band of five had quickly begun its occupation.

"W-what is this?" I couldn't tell if Yukinoshita was more annoyed or surprised as Kawasaki took the groceries off my hands and made her way to the kitchen. Totsuka bowed and said his hello before following after Kawasaki to help. Zaimokuza made himself at home on the couch. There was a movie playing, some historical-romance drama from the looks of it from the cable channel.

"I love this movie!" Zaimokuza exclaimed.

Yuigahama nervously smiled. "Y-Yukinon, yahallo…?"

Yukinoshita shot a glare towards me.

It was super effective! Damn, looks like I chose the wrong starter…

"I was told this would just include yourself and Hikigaya-kun," she said.

H-hey now… I wasn't the one who invited all these people. Why are you glaring at me? It's not my fault!

"A-ah… about that…" Yuigahama said nervously. "We thought a small hot pot party might cheer you up!"

Yukinoshita looked towards Yuigahama and her gaze softened. "I know you meant well…"

"No no! We're like, intruding, you know? Hope you can forgive us for wanting to try to cheer you up," Yuigahama said with a goofy smile that only she could make. "Still! Your place looks great."

Yukinoshita shook her head. "Sorry for the mess. I didn't have a chance to clean up before."

Oh yes, clean up this spotless apartment. I suppose if it was any more spotless it'd start emitting light rays from how bright and shiny the place was.

Yukinoshita looked around at all of us. "Isshiki-san?"

"I invited her, but she had student council duties to do today," said Yuigahama.

"… ah," Yukinoshita said. Some kind of emotion briefly appeared in her eyes. It looked like… relief? Well, I guess you wouldn't want to share a hot pot with a girl you promised to help deliver a love letter to, only to outdo her with a love letter of your own. Actually, that's pretty ice cold, Yukinoshita.

Heh, ice cold.

'Yuki' means snow.

I crack myself up.

"A-anyway, I'll go help out in the kitchen," Yuigahama volunteered. Pulling out the pink apron Yukinoshita and I got for her from her birthday she began making her way to the kitchen.

Yukinoshita's eyes widened.

I whistled to Zaimokuza lazing around on the couch.

"Oi! Zaimokuza! You're up!"

"Gufum! Ha! The perfect task for me. I shall become like an iron wall and you won't stop me unless the flesh is rend from my bones! I shall be like Benkei on the bridge!" Leaping from the couch, he intercepted Yuigahama and blocked her from entering the kitchen. "Thou shall not pass!"

"B-but I want to help!" Yuigahama pleaded. "Pleaseee!"

Yukinoshita let out a sigh of relief. "You came up with that plan?" she asked.

"I figured it was more of a hassle to have the fire department burst into your apartment over a small kitchen fire," I reasoned. "How's the cold?"

"I don't have a cold."

"I thought you were sick, hence why you took the day off."

"I wasn't feeling well."

That's the very definition of sick!

Yukinoshita held her arm. She was wearing a comfortable clothing with a long loose sweater and what appeared to be a sleeping gown underneath. "I just spent the day resting and watching some movies that were recommended. However, I have made all the necessary arrangements for school work to be sent to me, so that won't be an issue."

"Seems you got it all figured out."

"Not everything. Just the things I have control over," Yukinoshita said softly. "I best go keep Yuigahama-san company…" She then turned around to me. "And before I forget-"

"Like you would ever forget anything."

Yukinoshita gave a small smile.

"Thank you," she said as she walked away.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Have I mentioned that Totsuka looks majestic in an apron?

He can cook, he looks fantastic in an apron… ah… he would make the perfect housewife. A housewife has a particular set of skills that they are expected to master which are similar to that of a househusbands. As more thought is being put towards my chosen career path, I began to think of some alternative career choices… I wouldn't mind being a corporate slave for the rest of my life if Totsuka was my housewife…

"Ah! Everyone! The hot pot is ready!" Totsuka announced with a clap of his hands.

I was helping Totsuka set the table while Yuigahama, Yukinoshita, and Kawasaki sat on the couch watching the film. Zaimokuza, probably more useless than me, was forced to sit on the carpet.

"This is the best part!" Zaimokuza cheered. "This is the part where OO-hime and XX-suke meet and consummate their love in a magical night in a stable!"

"Ohhh! How romantic," Yuigahama squealed, clutching a pillow tightly.

"How… scandalous," Kawasaki succinctly commented.

"A stable?" Yukinoshita said. "That sounds absolutely filthy."

"It's beautiful!" Zaimokuza retorted with tears in his eyes.

"Filthy."

"Beautiful!"

"Would you like to be thrown out?" A chilling glare was fired in Zaimokuza's direction.

"It's filthy ma'am. I totally agree." Zaimokuza froze up in a salute. Come on man, have a little more self-respect!

Totsuka entered the living room with an apron and ladle. "Time to eat!" he said with a clap.

Everyone began leaving the living room and entering the dining room where the table was neatly set. We weren't savages, after all. Taking his place at the head of the table was Totsuka, who was going to be serving the food. Kawasaki and Zaimokuza sat on one side while Yuigahama and Yukinoshita sat on the other.

"Ah! This smells most glorious," said Zaimokuza.

I could hear his belly rumbling…

"It's amazing." Kawasaki murmured. "I wish my siblings could try some…"

Don't give anything to that thing you call a brother.

"Ah! We will definitely have leftovers. Be sure to take some to them!" Totsuka said.

What a considerate human being…

"It's impressive, Sai-chan! I could never make something like that," said Yuigahama.

And it's a good thing you didn't try.

"Yes it's rather amazing this was made with such simple and rather affordable ingredients…" Yukinoshita admitted. "Even I would have difficulty making- Hi-Hikigaya-kun? Where are you going?"

I stumbled out of the living room.

"I feel like sleeping," I said. "I think I'll take a nap."

Yukinoshita rose from her seat. "Are you sure?"

"Hikki! Join us!"

"Yes! We are about to indulge in a fantastic feast prepared for us by Sir Totsuka!"

"H-Hachiman?" Oh man, I want to protect that concerned smile.

"I-if the idiot wants to sit this meal out then let him… we can save some for him later right?" Black lace was indeed pragmatic.

"It's fine," I said, sitting on the couch.

I felt a sneeze coming on, but it wouldn't escape.

I leaned back.

"I'll just rest for a bit," I said laying down on the couch. "I can always… eat… later…"

The last thing I saw were the bright ceiling lights and Yukinoshita's face over mine. The light behind her head appeared like an eclipse. Her face was the moon blotting out the sun.

"Are you alright?" she asked softly.

I was phasing in and out of consciousness.

"I'm fine," I said. "Just tired… are you alright?"

Yukinoshita looked at me. I thought her hand was reaching my forehead, as if to check my temperature before she rescinded.

"I'm worried."

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Why do we dream?

It's because we want to escape the world we live in. Some people want to live in their dreams. Or, they get lost in so much pleasure that they feel like they're dreaming. Or maybe some people want to live their lives like a dream and start coming up with sick fantasies to escape how stupid, unfair, and ridiculous real life was.

Humans were meant to suffer. Dreams were a grandmother's cure to cancer.

Because in one way or another, real life is bound to come back and bite you right in the rear. Just like the real cancer.

But some believe that dreams are significant.

They believe that dreams tell us what we really want.

Our deepest desires being whispered to us by our subconscious.

So why is it, rather than Totsuka in nothing but an apron… why is it that…

I saw her?

Maybe I was dreaming it.

But I imagined Yukinoshita Yukino looking over me, her hand outreached, as if to stroke my hair like some nicknamed character from an overrated light novel series with espers, time travellers, aliens and interdimensional hoppers.

Heh, maybe that would make a better dream.

My eyes slowly began to open.

I turned my head slowly. The couch felt softer than usual on the back of my head. I realized that I had a pillow tucked under my head and a blanket had been laid over me. I turned to Yukinoshita.

She stood there, a hand over her chest and her cheeks flushed red.

"What are you doing?" I said.

"I-I-I…"

My eyes felt droopy and drowsy. Getting up, I ignored my earlier question. "Ugh… what… time is it?"

I looked around and found the watch hanging on the wall wasn't ticking. The lamps were off as well as the television.

Everything was lit with candles.

"Late," she said quickly. "Everyone has already left," she reverted back to her classic tone: serious with a gentle dash of softness. Nothing too generous. Whoever was the Goddess of picking stats for women sure was stingy with the spice of kindness when cooking up Yukinoshita.

"Why is all the power off?"

"It's a routine blackout," Yukinoshita explained. "The power company are transferring from one transformer plant to another so they needed a period of three hours without electricity."

Ah… that explains a lot… but it doesn't explain…

"Why am I still here?"

"You were sleeping for a while."

"So why did no one wake me up?"

"You looked exhausted," Yukinoshita said softly.

We didn't say much for a while. Before long I felt a sneeze come over me.

"Achoo!"

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine…" I rubbed my stomach. "Just hungry. Do we have any hot pot left?"

Yukinoshita shook her head.

"Yoshiteru-san ate most of your share and Kawasaki-san wanted to bring some back for her siblings," she said. "I had some ingredients to make other things so I assured the others that you would be fed." She then stepped forward, her hand outstretched. "Are you sure you're-"

I held up a hand. "I'm fine," I said.

Getting up, I smoothed out the wrinkles on my uniform.

"Hikigaya-kun," said Yukinoshita.

"Huh?"

I looked into her eyes. They were still full of concern and worry. Maybe that's just the kind of person she was?

"If you step out into public with that drool hanging from your mouth, I'd feel embarrassed for you."

I quickly wiped away the drool with a sleeve.

"Next time just use a tissue," Yukinoshita sighed. "I'm going to make dinner," she said.

"Didn't you already eat?"

"I asked Zaimokuza to eat some of my share as well. I was…" Yukinoshita paused. "… hoping…" She brought a finger to her lips as if she was wondering how explain a complex physical anomaly such as a U.F.O. or pyramids.

"You were hoping…?" I asked, getting a bit annoyed by the suspense.

Yukinoshita sighed. "I was simply hoping to share a meal with you."

"Really?"

"Please don't feel too special. It is a mere courtesy to show appreciation," Yukinoshita said, flipping her hair. "After all, it's the least I can do for coming all this way. It would bring shame to my family if I allowed one to leave my house, especially one as helpless as yourself, hungry."

That girl sure has a funny way of showing appreciation.

I began making my way towards the kitchen guided by the candlelights.

"So we have no power, huh? What do you have in the fridge? It's not spoiled yet, right?"

"Things do not spoil so easily, and I don't have many ingredients. Did you have something specific in mind that you wanted to eat?"

"I'm hungry… so anything would do." I entered the kitchen with Yukinoshita close behind me. Looking towards the sink, I noticed it was sparkling clean. "I was wondering if I could borrow your kitchen to cook." The hot pot and dishes were all washed, left hanging on the rack to dry. If anything, it gave Yukinoshita an air of domestication.

"There are enough ingredients to make a healthy meal," Yukinoshita said absentmindedly. "Hikigaya-kun, please take a seat. I'll cook."

"It's fine. I'm intruding anyways."

"Hikigaya-kun. I can cook," she said.

I turned to her. The look of resolve in her eyes was intimidating to say the least. I was surprised I wasn't kicked out of her house yet. There isn't much point in arguing with Yukinoshita to do something. In fact, don't bother arguing with anybody. Just drag them down to your level.

"Compromise," I said.

Yukinoshita titled her head, as if the revelation was something of the End Times.

"A compromise?"

"We'll both cook," I suggested. "Although I imagine I'll be doing most of the cooking. Pork cutlets and curry are my specialty."

Yukinoshita stepped back, covering her mouth with a hand.

"You're awfully proud to be able to cook things that middle schoolers would be expected to know how to make…"

"Oh? Sounds like a lesson Yuigahama missed out on."

"As much as I would like to say that's rude and mean… I can't find myself disagreeing with you there."

Yukinoshita went to the kitchen pantry and pulled out two aprons, matching blue with a small cats emboldened onto the chest area. I recognized one, slightly more worn with the edges a bit more frazzled and faded spots of sauces leftover, as the one she bought when we went to the mall with Komachi to purchase Yuigahama's birthday present.

The other was an exact copy, except there was a white cat on it. It appears to have seen much less use.

"I found out they were a matching set," Yukinoshita explained. "Although I have a preference for the black cat apron, the white cat apron is equally suitable. If Yuigahama-san comes over, she uses the white cat one."

"I thought you weren't comfortable with Yuigahama cooking."

"It's to… appease her while she waits in the living room."

And you said that _I_ was being mean.

She handed me the apron with the black cat on it.

"Oi oi, why am I getting the more beat up one?"

Yukinoshita looked at me.

"Deal with it."

Translation: _deal with it or I'll kick you out hungry and out in the cold._

I choked down a laugh, before I sneezed again.

"Hikigaya-kun?"

"It's nothing," I said, tying the apron around me while Yukinoshita did the same with her apron. Grabbing a candle I went to the refrigerator and withdrew some vegetables. I went to the sink and began washing my hands. "Ohhh, the water still works."

"Of course Hikigaya-kun. The plumbing works by a system of pressure and mechanical physics, not electricity. Surely you learned this? Are you really that amazed water services are still operational during a blackout?"

Is it a crime to be impressed? Jeez.

After washing the vegetables, I began to cut them.

"You're doing it wrong."

"What?"

"I said that you're cutting the vegetables wrong."

"Ah…" So I was. Maybe I was too drowsy to realize it? The pieces looked uneven. Some where as large as small golf balls while some were small like diced like little instant noodle cubes. I washed my hands and rubbed my eyes. "I think I need to shrug off the sleep."

Yukinoshita sighed.

"You're hopeless," she said taking the knife away from me. "Pay attention closely, Hikigaya-kun."

In what seemed like an instant, the vegetables were cut into perfectly even sized pieces. It was like some kind of witchcraft to be able to do that!

"I'm impressed."

"Thank you," said Yukinoshita as if the compliment was expected.

"Heh. You'd make a good housewife," I said offhandedly. Ha. What a joke. Yukinoshita would never settle for a housewife. She'd probably be out campaigning on the front lines as Empress of the World while the husband stays at home struggling to keep the house as spotless as she would. "Maybe you can show me more tricks like that some other time," I requested.

Learning the tricks of the craft would be a boon to my househusband career. Actually… I wouldn't mind being Totsuka's housewife…

As my mind began to swerve into fantasy, my ears noticed that the sounds of the knife slicing through vegetables on the chopping board had ceased.

Yukinoshita stood there, as if frozen in time.

"Hiki… gaya-kun…" She finally managed.

"Huh?"

I turned to Yukinoshita who was fumbling through her words. A crimson hue had graced her cheeks.

"What is it?"

"N-nothing." Yukinoshita turned around and returned to her work. I began dipping the pork cutlets in the batter and patting them with bread crumbs while Yukinoshita began heating the oil.

"Hikigaya-kun, why are you patting the bread crumbs on them?"

"What? Aren't you supposed to?"

"Where do I even begin…" Yukinoshita took the cutlet from my hand. "You pour the bread crumbs onto a plate and then dip the bread on both sides. This way you don't need to pat and compress the meat and cause the moisture to leak out, losing out on the flavor."

"Oh… that actually makes sense."

"Of course it does. Why else would I be telling you?"

As always, Yukinoshita Yukino needed to get the last laugh in.

"Hikigaya-kun, please study this. There are a series of online cooking tutorials featuring a dog that I'd be happy to recommend."

"So… you learned cooking from a dog?"

"While I loathe the animal, it does not mean I don't have things I can learn from them."

"Learning from your enemies?" I asked, surprised. "I suppose that's where you got so good at being snarky. I guess your sister must have taught you pretty well."

Yukinoshita turned to me, as she dropped the first of the cutlets into the oil.

"Friend, enemies, or nobodies… no matter who they are to me, I only learn from the best," she said with a smile.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

For the second time that night, the table was set in Yukinoshita's apartment.

Yukinoshita was finishing up with boiling the rice in the pot and checking on the curry so I went off to make sure the table was suitable. The hot plate was leftover from the party and came in handy.

The power was still out, so there had to be adequate lighting for the meal.

There were a set of long candles I placed on the dining room table. With a match, I lit them up. Yukinoshita was specific in directing me not to use any scented candles, unless I wanted to ruin our appetites with some kind of smell.

"I see you completed the simple task I had assigned." Yukinoshita inspected the tableware and candle placement. After adjusting a few items by mere fractions of a centimeter, she then gave her verdict: "Passable."

"Oi… can't I get a bit more acknowledgement than that? I completed this quest. Can't I get a quest reward?" Maybe I was still a bit in dream land to expect some XP points to buff my stamina stats, because I was feeling tired.

"Your reward is that you'll have food in your belly. Dinner is served," said Yukinoshita as she placed a plate of rice before me. "Take a seat."

Sitting down, Yukinoshita went back into the kitchen and retrieved a plate of fried pork cutlets, cut into strips, and a pot of curry with some freshly tossed salad that she had thrown together from whatever vegetables she had on hand.

"You don't have to wait for me," said Yukinoshita as she began to undo her apron.

"I recall it's rude to begin eating before the host has taken a seat," I said.

"I said it's fine… ugh." Yukinoshita turned around. "Could you help me with untying this?"

With Yukinoshita's back towards me, I saw a very tight knot keeping the apron on her. Yukinoshita had messed with the knot that it actually became tighter. "Hold on," I said… with a few quick strokes, the knot was undone.

"Thank you."

"It's nothing," I said. "Just another thing to add to the long list of stuff I did today…"

"Oh? Who made this meal?" Yukinoshita asked, taking a seat.

"Hey! I helped!"

"By staying out of my way…"

"I contributed just as much as you did!"

"Who made the salad?"

"You did, but that-!"

"Who made the rice?"

"That was you, but I-!"

"Who cooked the cutlets, sliced them into strips, and plated them? Who got out the plates to begin with? And the curry, the star of tonight's meal… who exactly was the one who measured out the spices and ensured that the vegetables were of appropriate size?"

Yukinoshita was ruthless in the distribution of credit. To her, distributing out the appropriate task to each and rewarding for achievements in a just manner was a matter of the Mandate of Heaven to her. All hail the Empress of the World Yukinoshita Yukino.

Zieg Yukinoshita.

Bah. I contributed somewhat to this effort… even if it was miniscule.

"At least I filled the pot with water!" Clicking my tongue, I muttered, "I contributed at least…"

"Contributed… hm… I suppose I'll give you that. However small an ant's contribution, I suppose they should be acknowledged… even though a single ant is easily lost and forgotten…"

Oi oi… are you saying I'm as unimportant as an ant!?

"I disagree with that sentiment-"

"Just eat," said Yukinoshita as she pulled back some strands of hair to expose her ear. "Thank you for the meal," she said softly. After ladling curry and taking a few pieces of cutlets onto her plate, Yukinoshita brought a spoonful of curry and rice passed her lips. Savoring the food with her eyes closed, she opened her eyes and looked towards me, then my plate. "Oh yes, you haven't been served yet."

"Rather rude to serve yourself before your guest," I said, lamenting my plate of plain rice.

"Even I have my flaws," she said as she ladled some curry onto my plate. "Please, help yourself."

"Thank you for the meal," I said, clapping my hands together.

The curry and pork were an excellent delight together in my mouth. The spices tingled my tongue, the juicy flesh melted in my mouth as the crusty exterior offered a delicious texture. If only this was made by Totsuka… this would have been even more delicious.

"How do you find it, Hikigaya-kun?"

"It's good, but it could have been better if it was made by someone else…"

"Oh?" Yukinoshita set down her spoon. "Are you saying you can make it better than me?" Seriously, I could have felt a breeze sweep in from the windows as she asked.

"Not me, someone else," I answered. A smile crept up on my face as I begin thinking of Totsuka in an apron. Seeing him and saying 'Welcome home, Hachiman!' and everyday will pass like a day in heaven… Ah. That would be bliss.

"Hehe…" I smiled in my fantasy before I realized I was eating dinner in a cold reality. There was no warm Totsuka here - only Yukinoshita.

The girl across from me said nothing. She didn't move her fork or spoon or anything. She simply sat and stared.

"Not going to eat?"

Yukinoshita said nothing for a moment, before asking.

"There's someone else you'd rather eat the cooking of?"

"That goes without saying," I said.

Yukinoshita closed her eyes and returned to the plate. We continued on with our meal in relative silence. For some reason, it felt like even though the power was out, the thermostat was set to the temperature of a refrigerator.

When we were finished, I offered to wash the dishes.

"Go relax on the couch," said Yukinoshita. "The power should return soon. Besides, your presence and rotting eyes would make the dishes gross again," she said, clearing the plates.

My stomach was too full to disagree with her.

I made my way back to the couch.

Even with only candlelight, I realized that I had caused a groove in the couch from my nap earlier on it. Smoothing it out with my hands, I tried my best to get rid of it.

"Hikigaya-kun," came a voice from the kitchen.

"Ah!" I jumped.

Yukinoshita's voice caught me by surprise, like a child getting caught by the store owner for stealing an ice cream pop. "Y-yes?" I responded.

"It may be best for you to stay the night," she suggested.

"Why's that?"

"Due to the scheduled power outage, the trains have stopped early tonight. So… rather than walk home it may be more prudent for you to simple stay over," said Yukinoshita from the kitchen. I could hear the sound of running water cleaning the dishes.

"Sounds reasonable," I replied.

Taking a seat on the couch, I absent mindedly picked up the remote. Trying to turn on the television, I then remembered we were in a planned blackout.

Ugh. My head was not working right.

Then I sneezed.

"Are you alright?" Turning towards Yukinoshita, I saw she was carrying a tea serving tray with two cups. "Perhaps you're coming down with something…"

"It's nothing," I said.

Yukinoshita looked at me suspiciously, as if she were a polygraph and gauging if I was lying or not. Taking out two teacups on saucers, she began pouring a cup for herself and me. "I hope you do not mind black tea," she said.

"We drink it every day," I reminded her, taking a cup.

She laughed quietly. "So we do."

I took a sip. The warm liquid felt pleasant down my throat.

"Is the school talking about it?"

Setting aside my tea, I looked at Yukinoshita. I didn't need to be told what '_it_' was, but I didn't take her for one to care about school rumors. Then again, it did concern her. Perhaps she thought this would affect her financial future?

"Yeah. Nothing but the talk of the town, as they say…"

"I see…"

"… ah, that reminds me."

"Yes?" asked Yukinoshita.

"Hiratsuka-sensei caught up with me before the end of last period," I said, taking another sip of my tea.

Yukinoshita gave me a look of 'Oh?' with a slightly tilted head like a SHAFT anime. The sight caused me to nearly burned my tongue on the hot tea. Darn my cat's tongue.

After blowing on the tea to cool it, I continued, "She said that your substitute teacher had made a mistake with the two piles of letters, and yours ended up there."

"I guess it was just bad luck," Yukinoshita dismissed quietly.

"Ah… somewhat."

"Nothing to be done about the letter now," Yukinoshita said softly. Her gazed averted from mine and out towards the balcony.

"Maybe you should have been more humble," I suggested. "Then maybe all of that New Year's charm luck wouldn't have been washed away."

"I'm not one to believe in silly superstitions. There's only coincidences, chance, and all matter of skill. Luck means nothing before perseverance," Yukinoshita flatly stated.

Some people are born lucky. Some are born beautiful. Others are born with righteous duty and others a carefree life of mooching off their parents for the rest of their miserable shallow lives. I envy the latter extremely but I realize Yukinoshita was born into the righteous lot. She had a duty - a conviction - on a scale I'd never seen in a person.

"If everyone didn't lie to themselves," Yukinoshita said softly, setting the teacup aside. "I think the world would be a better place."

Picking up a book from her table to replace the teacup she had put down, Yukinoshita began flipping through it. It was another work of literature, probably one that had gone off to won a Nobel Prize undoubtedly.

"Is that a Nobel Prize winning novelette or something?" I asked. Yukinoshita looked up at me and blinked. Then she sighed.

"Unfortunately no. Despite what you may think, Japan's majority of its twenty-two Nobel Prize laureates have been in Physics and Chemistry. Only two have been awarded in the school of literature."

How she knew that off the top of her head I'll never know. I'll assume that she's been preparing to win a fair number of Nobel Prizes since she was a little girl.

"Good ol' Yukipedia," I said, finally drinking my cooled tea.

"I'm not something that can be easily edited," Yukinoshita said with frown.

We sat there in silence for a bit. Every so often the window would have a tapping noise, coming from the wind. The house itself was rather chilly, due to the cold night.

"So what do you think?"

"Hm?"

Yukinoshita placed her book down and reached for her teacup and took a sip before repeating the question. "I asked… what do you think, Hikigaya-kun?"

"Well Japan should really think about getting a better literature program… can't win Nobel prizes when your country exports light novels and comics."

Yukinoshita blinked. Then she laughed and quietly went on.

"I meant… about the love letter incident."

Oh.

_That._

"I don't know what to think," I answered truthfully. What did it have to do with me anyways? Yukinoshita can like whoever she wants to like… at least I think that's what I believe. "It's your life. You can write love letters to whoever you want…"

Yukinoshita gave a mysterious smile and sat back into the couch.

Girls certainly had the luxury of love. They could be love-stricken kittens and it would be seen by society as adorable and proper. They could dabble in chocolate making or writing love letters or doing things that would make men misinterpret them. Or men could go off and make chocolates for other men… can men even do that for each other? Wait… oooh… homemade Totsuka chocolates…

They're pure unlike Ebina's fantasies.

But still, the thought won't leave my mind… the thought that nags me.

Maybe Yukinoshita was just a normal girl in the end.

"You know," she mused. "I've lived in this apartment for almost a year now… but I think today was the first time it's ever felt like home with… everyone being here."

"That tends to happen," I said after draining my cup. "I remember when I was a kid and they made me sleep in my own room. Felt strange the first few nights… I think? I don't remember much from when I was three. Komachi was born around that time and that's roughly when my parents started paying more attention to her than me."

Yukinoshita laughed.

"I've had plenty of nannies, so I wouldn't know about it as well. My sister was raised more closely by my mother though… but I have plenty of fond memories with my father. Although… he can be strict when he wants to be."

How exactly did Yukinoshita's father get elected is beyond me. But he must be a terrifying combination with Yukinoshita's mother.

"That guy…" I said. "How did he ever get elected?"

"He has an impressive way of coercing those less likely to vote… and having them vote for him."

"Ah."

The conversation lulled once again but the thoughts of the letter would leave my mind.

"Um… say, Yukinoshita," I began.

Finishing a sip, Yukinoshita replied, "Yes, Hikigaya-kun?"

"Was that letter really meant for Hayama?"

The sound of a teacup hitting a saucer echoed throughout the room.

The lights suddenly went back on. The television turned on. It showed a scene from the middle of some movie.

"The letter reached who it was meant to reach," Yukinoshita answered methodically in the artificial lights.

"I see," I said.

That answer was suitable enough I guess… but… it didn't tell me anything about why I was feeling so restless.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Yukinoshita was bathing.

Showering, to be technical.

The sound of the showers hummed off and on as I began blowing out the candles and putting them away into the cabinets. I imagined I would feel more adrenaline if Totsuka was the one who was showering.

My mind wandered off to those stereotypical romantic comedy mangas where the protagonist inevitably ends up at a love hotel. He sits waiting on the bedside for the girl to finish showering. Then the girl will come out, dripping wet and wrapped in a robe, and sit down beside him. The guy will be timid and not look over and then they will go to sleep because they're only at the hotel to stay the night because it's the only place open.

Aside from the the fact we were at Yukinoshita's apartment and not a love hotel… wait - that's worse isn't it?

The sound of the water ceased.

I began flipping through the channels, lounging around on Yukinoshita's couch. The late night variety shows with pop idols were showing. There were a few old movies ranging from samurai dramas to a few monster shows and even a few late night hot spring tours shows. Those shows were the ones where an aging but still rather attractive pop idol is sent to review hot springs. It'd be fantastic if it weren't for those meddling mosaics.

"Should I be concerned that you're developing a bathing fetish before my very eyes?"

Turning around, I was taken aback by what I saw.

Yukinoshita in a bathrobe. Her skin was still wet and her hair wrapped in a towel. In her hands were a portable and rechargeable hair dryer and a comb.

I moved aside to make room for her beside me as she took a seat. She sat down and began to work at combing her hair before blow drying it at intervals.

"So tell me, Hikigaya-kun," Yukinoshita began.

"Y-yeah…?" I glanced over towards her. While the bathrobe was wrapped tightly around her, I could see a fair portion of her collarbone exposed… was she wearing anything underneath? H-hey, you know I'm a guy right? Is Yuigahama's carelessness rubbing off on you? You need to be on guard at all times!

Then again, there's nothing to get a rise out of with a chest like that…

"Do you intend to watch this woman bath for the rest of the night?"

"But… you're not bathing…"

Yukinoshita shrunk back away from me in horror.

"Your rotten and leering eyes makes me fear for my chastity…"

"W-what? No I-!"

"How perverted. To think that you'd think such thoughts because you're in a close space with a beautiful woman." Only Yukinoshita Yukino can get away with such blatant arrogance!

"N-no! But you're not bathing right now! Not that I'd watch you even if you were bathing, of course," I reasoned nervously.

Yukinoshita sighed and pointed towards the television.

It was still on the hot springs review show where the woman was stripping and testing the waters.

"Ah!" I quickly changed the channel to some random variety show involving history questions. Who was the instigator of the Honnoji incident? Obviously that was Akechi.

"I-is it… Takeda Shingen?" A pop idol asked nervously.

"No you dumb bimbo, it was Akechi Mitsuhide!" I shouted at the screen.

"Oops! Sorry it was actually Akechi Mitsuhide. Sorry!"

And with that, the pop idol got dumped with a bucket of mud.

"For once you were actually correct," said Yukinoshita.

"For once? Aren't I always?"

Yukinoshita closed her eyes with a light smile as she continued brushing her hair. "There are times where I wonder about that…"

"I'm flattered I occupy even a moment of your thoughts."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you'll probably end up being famous. And I'll be a simple househusband. You'll probably be off ending wars or world hunger or eradicating diseases while I gossip with the other househusbands on the corner."

"I'm flattered you think I'll be able to accomplish so much. But I'm also a bit disappointed you haven't accepted the reality of your gross choice of profession - if one can even call it a '_profession_'," Yukinoshita said, a smile still on her lips. Turning towards me, she said. "If you'd like to, you can take a bath."

Yukinoshita set aside her brush and hair dryer and walked away. After disappearing into the hallway, she returned a moment later, dropping a bundle of items onto my lap.

"What's this?"

"A spare towel, face towel, and a toothbrush… you're welcome to use my shampoo and toothpaste."

"Ah… thank you for the hospitality. So far my stay at Hotel Yukinoshita has been mildly pleasant," I said.

"Please do not think of this place as a hotel, Hikigaya-kun…" Yukinoshita rubbed her nose in annoyance. "Such indecent acts such as the one you are thinking of will not take place here."

"Hey! I didn't mean it like that!"

"Yes, yes…" Yukinoshita left again and retrieved a large bundle. "This is a another blanket in case you are cold… and you're welcome to keep using the pillow. I apologize for not having any spare male clothing."

"I think I'd be more concerned if you did have spare male clothing…"

A pillow shot straight towards my face and hit me square on the nose.

"I am going to sleep. Please do not do anything foolish."

"Foolish? What kind of man do you take me for?"

But Yukinoshita didn't dignify me with a response. She simply smiled and retired to her room, leaving me to my own devices.

After bathing, I decided to watch some television. As I made my way back from the baths, I realized the door to Yukinoshita's room was slightly ajar. It was opened just ever so slightly, just enough for someone to look in and get a good view of what was inside. The thought passed my mind of peeking… but that idea didn't set well with me. I dismissed it immediately.

If I were a lesser man, I'd have taken it for an invitation of indecency.

I passed by the room and made my way to the couch.

Sitting down, I turned on the television.

Nothing on television was interesting. There's a hundred channels on television but nothing to watch. Checking my phone, I realized my battery was low. I cracked my neck and it felt great. Looking out beyond the glass balcony doors, and seeing the stars and bright moon in the cloudy sky.

Then a text came to my phone. It was from Isshiki.

'Senpai! Don't forget my birthday is coming up!' Scratching my head, I began wondering when her birthday is.

With nothing else left to do, I laid on the couch and covered myself in the blanket.

My eyes were sore.

My nose was itchy.

I sneezed. I felt my rib cage rattle. I coughed a bit.

With a final sigh to clear my throat, I drifted off to sleep.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

_A Hotpot from Totsuka Saika with Love Fin_

**Next Chapter: **_An Interview between Hikigaya and Yukinoshita_


	5. Interview

**Summary:** _Valentines' Day - a day of love, pink, and chocolates. In the spirit of the coming holiday, Hiratsuka-sensei gives her Modern Japanese periods an assignment: write a love letter. So naturally, Hikigaya writes a love letter to the person he loves the most._

_Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru_

_Chapter 5_

**An Interview between Hikigaya and Yukinoshita**

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Lucid dreaming is a line between being awake and being asleep.

It's a phase where you are in full control of your dreams, and despite knowing you are in a dream, you can control every aspect of it. None of it is real. Like the Matrix, [1] that piece of juicy and tender steak you put into your mouth isn't real. Your stomach is still empty and when you awaken, you'll have nothing to suffice but gruel.

So no matter what happens in dreams, the reality of the world remains.

Even if I keep having these dreams lately, it won't bring me any closer to my ideals.

Despite that, that person I see, she's still… just so…

Beautiful.

Beautiful?

What is that?

Beautiful…

Something people want to be?

People do want to be beautiful, otherwise plastic surgeons would be out of business. Is beauty something that's created or cultivated? Paintings and music can be beautiful and some old Greek even fell in love with one of his statues. [2] Is beauty eternal and immortalized, or is it as fleeting as the wind? Flowers bloom and die. Fireworks explode in dazzling displays. Buddhas that have been around longer than the time when Jesus walked the earth… just what is beauty?

There are beautiful things in the world. Even my rotten eyes can see that.

But is any of that genuine?

A light feeling grazed along my skin like a paint brush. A series of soft bristles passed over. The smell of sweet cherry blossoms filled my nose.

Yukinoshita stood over me. Or did she?

The taste of sulfur was in my mouth. After sitting up, I felt my back ached a bit.

It was the sight of Yukinoshita's apartment that welcomed me back to the realm of reality. The curtains were drawn and the window was opened. A cloudy sky grey sky was in view, heralding the last death throes of winter. They were blackened, as if to rain one last time.

And framed by the darkened cumulonimbus clouds, stood Yukinoshita surveying the skyline like a goddess.

"Good morning," she said.

Shrugging off the blanket, it felt heavier than I remembered. Panic struck me as I began thinking that due to my loner lifestyle choices my strength had devolved to that of a kitten. The saying goes that what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger is false! My heart had hardened, but my muscles had degraded. After briefly considering living my life bedstricken, I then noticed there were two blankets on me: the one I recall falling asleep under and another, thicker one. Did… by chance… did Yukinoshita…?

I sneezed.

The shockwave from the sneeze rattled my entire rib cage. Mucus was accumulating in my throat and lungs. My respiratory pathway felt sore, like there were itches down my windpipe that I couldn't scratch.

There was a dryness in my mouth and a stuffiness in my nose. I wanted something to drink, something either hot or cold or Coffee MAX.

"Good morning," I croaked, rubbing my nose. My eyes were sore and so was my chest.

Yukinoshita approached me, her hand outreached.

I batted it away.

She pulled her hand back, appearing offended.

"Sorry," I said. I was breathing heavily like Darth Vader. [3] My sinuses felt clogged and my throat wasn't much better. My head still felt like it was in a dreamland.

"You look red, and you're sweating."

"I just woke up," I reasoned. "I'll be fine… just need to wash my face… and…"

I stumbled off the couch and walked into the coffee table.

"Hikigaya-kun." Yukinoshita had her hands on me, helping me to my feet. "You should sit down."

"I'm not helpless."

"You need help," Yukinoshita stated.

"I don't."

"Everyone needs help… sometimes…" she said softly as she set me back down onto the sofa. She turned her back towards me and hurried towards the kitchen. "I'll make some black tea. Please be patient."

Rubbing the sleep and crust out of my eyes, I looked towards the clock.

It was almost…

"Crap! We're going to be late for school!" I stood up. Although I wasn't one to be big on punctuality or attendance, the school did have a rather extreme tardy policy. If you weren't on campus by the time the gate closed, the gym teacher would let you in after twenty laps around the field. That was a good deterrent as any to not be late.

While I may be skeptical of youthful romantic life styles, I'm also an energy conservationist at heart.

I placed a hand on my knee. It felt like my legs were shaking.

Heck, my entire body was shaking.

Ohhh… looking out towards the morning sky, I winced away. Even in the dull grey sky, the faintest hint of sunlight burned my eyes. Was this a migraine perhaps? Ugh, my vision was getting blurry.

"Here, drink," said Yukinoshita, setting the tray on the table.

I could see an assortment of pills nestled on a small serving dish beside the tea cup and saucer. It seemed that Yukinoshita thought I was more guinea pig than human. Wait, guinea pigs are fairly expensive. I'm definitely a marmot.

Either way, I'm worth way more than a 180,000 yen clone. [4]

"Am I going to be subjected to an experiment?"

"Various cold medicines-"

"Don't need it," I said hoarsely. A cold? I don't have a cold. "Let's go. We'll be late."

Yukinoshita pressed two firm hands onto my shoulder and sat me down. She looked at me, the distance between our noses nearly nothing. The look in her eyes was piercing, yet… not as cold as I thought. They had a soft edge to them, full of something I didn't quite understand.

Was it concern?

"-responsibility."

Yukinoshita had said something I wasn't listening to.

"Sorry?"

Yukinoshita looked at me again. She was standing up with her arms crossed. Looking at me, she sighed with an expression that said 'don't make me repeat this ever again.'

"I'm taking… responsibility."

Who are you? Spiderman? [5]

"For wh-what?" I said, feeling a chill crawl up my spine.

A sigh. "You're sick, Hikigaya-kun," Yukinoshita said plainly. "In case even your low intellect had failed to realize that."

Me? Sick? I'm the epitome of perfect health!

"I'm perfectly-" I couldn't finish that sentence because I sneezed. Again, my ribcage felt like the entire thing was being rattled along like a xylophone and someone was attempting Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata on them. I clutched my ribs. This was rather painful, I'll admit. Perhaps I was never meant to become a househusband. Maybe I was fated to die in the climax of my uneventful high school life.

"You're sick. I will take care of you."

She said it as if it was a matter of fact.

But why?

Why would she say 'she'll take care of me?' Was this another manifestation of her twisted form of noblesse oblige? Was it because I was a peasant under her domain, like a yakuza boss who takes care of his underlings? Maybe she felt pity for me, because I had no one else to take care of me. Komachi would be at school and my parents were busy with their corporate slave work… maybe she thought this was an excellent act of charity.

I bet Yukinoshita just felt sorry for the pitiful state I was in.

No sane girl would want to take responsibility for me.

But still, I wanted to know. So I asked.

"Why?"

Yukinoshita took out her phone. She looked was looking through something, scrolling up and down list. She looked at it for a few seconds. It was a rare sight to see Yukinoshita so unsure but finally, she pressed a button and held the phone to her ear. She had dialed a number.

Yukinoshita took a deep breath.

She glanced towards me, her hair swinging quickly. She had resolve in her eyes this time. I knew that after this statement, she wanted me to speak no more - that much I could ascertain from her tone.

Then, Yukinoshita explained why she was doing this for me. Her voice was soft, as if she was ashamed of the whole matter. It didn't make much sense to me. But her answer was simple:

"Because it's my fault."

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Yukinoshita held my arm as we left the apartment.

She held my arm as we entered the elevator. She held my arm as we exited the lobby. She opened the door to the limousine for me. She made sure I had buckled up. She gave the directions to the driver for my house.

I didn't really do anything.

Along the way, I could feel her chest, or lack thereof, rubbing against my arm throughout. If it wasn't for the debilitating sickness taking a massive toll on my sense of feel then I might have been slightly delighted at the coincidence. But, then again Yukinoshita's lack of assets pressing against my arm wasn't something to be excited about. On the contrary, I don't think I've ever had such close contact with her… ever.

The thought of touching her, the untouchable ice queen of Sobu High, never crossed my mind until now.

As we passed by block after block filled with students and corporate slaves rushing towards their destinations, the irony wasn't lost on me that I was riding in the same limousine that had struck me.

So that's who Yukinoshita was calling earlier? She called for a ride?

I mean… I could have just walked home…

I sneezed again. I clutched my chest. It felt like my ribcage was about to fall apart.

"We should get you some cold medicine," Yukinoshita said softly. "Perhaps we should stop at a hospital first…"

The driver up front heard her. "Shall I make a detour for the hospital, Miss Yukino?"

"I believe that was would be-"

"No," I said, interrupting her. "Take me home."

Yukinoshita bit her lip. Maybe she was getting annoyed by my stubbornness? Then again, if she wasn't used to my annoyance already, then what did she expect by being around for much longer?

"You heard him… to his house, please."

"Very well, Miss Yukino," said the driver as we continued on our way.

When we arrived at my house, Yukinoshita helped me through the door. Again I could feel her chest, or lack thereof, rubbing against my arm. Now that I thought about it, maybe Yukinoshita wasn't related to Haruno-san. One had a chest that could hit like Muhammad Ali with each poke, like Jab! Jab! Jab! The other felt like sandpaper.

There was no reaction at all as she helped me up the stairs and into my room before setting me down on my bed.

Then she began unbuttoning my shirt.

"H-hey!" I said, turning around. "I'm not that helpless." The thought of Yukinoshita unbuttoning my shirt unsettled me. When did she get so comfortable around male bodies? Doesn't she have any shame?

"Now is not the time to worry about petty perceptions on cultural expectations of gender. You're ill and staying in sweaty clothes will not help."

"I can undress myself," I said nervously.

Sheesh woman. You take a guy home and you're in his room trying to undress him. If this were some sort of romantic comedy, my little sister would barge in here and misunderstandings would be had.

"See that you do," she said, making her way to the doorway. "I'll return shortly. Please rest in bed and refrain from doing anything strenuous until I return."

"Until you return? Hey aren't you going to school-?"

The door slammed on me. I walked over to the window. The limousine driver was busy making a call before Yukinoshita addressed him. He then hastily put away his phone before opening the door for Yukinoshita. Before long, they were off again driving to the end of the street and around the corner.

Wherever Yukinoshita was heading, it wasn't for her education.

Doesn't that woman give any thought towards her future?

Bah, whatever…

I rubbed my eyes.

Maybe I can get some more sleep…

**oO oOoOo Oo**

The smell of porridge was what woke me up.

Porridge. Congee. Rice gruel… whatever one would call it, I knew the smell of wet rice with vegetables and fish anywhere. It was the traditional food for the ill. The kind that a mother makes for a sick child or, in a more fantastical case, when a girl comes over to a young man's home and makes it to help him get well sooner.

This was neither of those cases.

The reason being was that the porridge was made by none other than Yukinoshita Yukino.

"Oi… don't you have school?" My head was sunk deep into the pillow. I began coughing. Yukinoshita's presence moved closer to me.

"Here. Drink some tea," she said.

Taking the steaming cup, I took a sip. It tasted different from regular tea. It had a slight bitter, almost sour taste to it. The rising acidity in my throat began clearing the mucus build up.

"One of my family associates own a Chinese herb and dried goods store. They recommended this tea for stuffy throats." Yukinoshita reached across the table and held a bottle of oil to my nose. "Here. Take a deep breath."

"What… is this?"

"Just smell it," Yukinoshita said. It wasn't a command or anything. Her voice was neither demanding or angry. It was more like a master telling a dog to sit.

"Whatever…"

I took a deep breath of the bottled oil. It smelled like the perfume of a senior convalescence home.

"Wh-what," I coughed. Holy cow, what sacred leather vomit did they shove into this thing? I felt snot beginning to ooze out of my nose.

"Tissue," Yukinoshita stated handing me a couple of sheets of precious paper.

After blowing my nose I said, "Thank you."

My sinuses were emptying themselves out by the gallon into the tissues.

"Another concoction," she explained. "It's a smelling oil meant to clear up sinuses. It seems to be rather effective." She screwed on the cap to the tiny bottle of oil and set it aside. "Here, have some porridge."

Yukinoshita brought a bowl filled with watery white rice. She raised the spoon upwards, like a mother playing airplane with a child in a booster throwing a tantrum.

I didn't accept it.

"What's in it?" I eyed the spoon carefully.

"I contacted some produce farmers. They're family friends… There's rice vegetables from Kamiyama courtesy of the Chitanda Clan with assorted seafood caught by Captain Saji." [6]

I had no idea who those people were but they sounded impressive enough.

"Sorry, I have an allergy to seafood…"

"You do not," Yukinoshita stated as a matter of factly.

"How do you know?"

I mean sure, it was a straight out lie and a Japanese person being allergic to seafood might as well be the same as saying 'I'm a cow allergic to grass'.

"I've contacted your doctor. You have no such allergies."

… Yukinoshita sure has some connections.

I reached for the bowl, only for Yukinoshita to rescind it from me.

"H-hey… wasn't I going to eat that?"

"Just sit back," she said, setting aside the bowl. Pressing myself against the bed stand, she propped me up with pillows and ensured the blankets covered me. "It would be best not to risk forcing you to doing anything strenuous."

"Like what? Feeding myself?" I asked, shaking my head. "If I don't feed myself, then who will?"

Obviously it'd be Totsuka but he's at school so I guess I'll just starve-

"I'll feed you."

-and his glorious angelic smile will make me feel better in an insta- wait… what?

_What!?_

"Can I clarify something?" I asked as Yukinoshita picked up the bowl and spoon. She began making accommodations for its delivery through my oral tract by carefully scooping a small amount of it and blowing on it.

"You may," she said stoically.

"You're going to feed me?"

"I believe that is what I said."

"As in, you're going to get a spoon and put it into my mouth?"

"Yes."

"Um… Yukinoshita… are you sure you're not the one who's…?"

Yukinoshita closed her eyes and sighed.

"Hikigaya-kun, I must profess that your mind does wander off to gross and inconsiderate areas. Further thoughts such as these and you'll be labelled as a degenerate of society unfit for socialization on any level - even the mere act of going to a corner store would be considered a criminal offense."

"H-hey…"

"Feeding you should be considered a charity. It would be similar to a nurse feeding a helpless man bound to a wheelchair suffering from dementia-"

"I get it…"

"-or a veterinarian taking a bottle to a young sea otter drenched in petroleum from an oil rig leak. As you can see, it's simply a matter of fulfilling my duty as an upstanding member of society."

I really shouldn't have asked.

"I'll… just take it for what it is."

Yukinoshita opened her eyes.

"Please do," she said with her gaze lowered. "I apologize for my harshness."

"I shouldn't expect any less from you."

"Maybe you should expect more from me. Now open up," she said, delivering the first of many airlifts of porridge to my mouth.

After the meal, Yukinoshita had me take several medicines for cough and colds that her family doctor had prescribed to me based on my past medical history.

I'm not sure whether I should be impressed or terrified that Yukinoshita could easily access that kind of sensitive information. Isn't patient confidentiality still a thing in this world?

"No," she answered me after I brought up my complaint.

"So much for basic human rights."

"Assuming such a gross individual such as yourself counts as a human."

I fumed quietly in my bed.

The time passed by much the same for the next few hours. Yukinoshita had retrieved a book from her bag and sat by my bedside reading while I was not permitted to leave my bed under penalty of death. Is that really how you convince a sick person to stay in bed and rest? By threatening them with death?

"I can do far worse if you'd like," she said after I explained this to her.

On the other hand, I'm okay with laying in bed under the threat of death.

Is this how I will die? Not of cold, but of boredom? If only there was someone in this world who cared enough for me…

"_Meow._"

Kamakura! My beloved feline guardian of the Hikigaya Household. Come to me. I gestured for the magnificent animal to slip through the slightly opened door. His gray fur glistened as he approached. Finally, something would come to alleviate me of this boredom.

"Meow."

…

…

What the heck.

What.

The.

HECK.

"Woman, that's my cat."

Yukinoshita held Kamakura snugly in her arm. The cat showed no resistance. Damn the cat's natural affinity for the female ilk. It began purring like a pussy-magnet engine in Yukinoshita's arms. Slender fingers ran between his ears. Damn you Yukinoshita. Only the Hikigaya family knows of Kamakura's secret spot!

"I've been betrayed by my own cat." Et tu, Brute? [7]

"Meow, meow."

"Nya~…" Yukinoshita was totally engrossed by Kamakura. Did she forget she was in my room and engaging in this display of feline mimicry?

"Uh… you know I'm here, correct?"

"That is true," Yukinoshita said with a smile. "It's a shame. I would have been sure that this one here would have been given this room." Yukinoshita then gave me a cold look. "Did you bribe your parents? Or perhaps this one possesses a larger room than yours?"

"H-hey, I deserved that room. Besides, that cat has betrayed me."

"Betrayed you?"

"Kamakura, get over here!" I threw open my palm, hoping a long yellow spike would emerge and impale the gray cat and drag him across the arena towards me. [8]

Strangely enough, nothing happened.

"I think I need to work more on my Fatalities…" [9]

"You need sleep."

"You don't understand, Yukinoshita. You never will."

Betrayal is the ultimate act of dishonor.

Kamakura has brought eternal shame to his ancestors.

Every living thing is the result of an unbroken chain of ancestors who all successfully managed to find a mate and produce a spawn to go on to the next generation.

Except for that guy who ends up marrying his cardboard cutout waifu.

Who thought a cardboard cutout, or a pillow with a picture on it, or a handheld game was better than actually passing on your genes?

Did Richard Dawkins ever considered the otakus when he wrote the Selfish Gene? Speaking of science, that was one of the morning classes… [10]

"The morning periods must be over by now," I mumbled absentmindedly.

"Indeed," was the response from Yukinoshita. She had released the cat and he wandered out of my room again, probably on the prowl for something else to do.

Damn you, traitor to the Hikigaya Household.

Yukinoshita picked up her book and continued reading.

Laying down and staring at my ceiling, I began wondering what Totsuka must be doing at school right now. Maybe it was lunch time? Ah… perhaps he was being a generous saint with a heart of gold by carrying water bottles to his ungrateful, loser tennis clubmates. What an angel…

Then there's Yuigahama who's probably wondering "Where's Hikki!? Where's Yukinon!? Do I have to eat lunch _alooonneee_!?" Oh wait, she has friends outside of Yukinoshita doesn't she? She can just eat with Miura and Ebina. Okay, forget her then.

Mhm… I guess Zaimokuza and Kawasaki are both used to eating alone…

Iroha's fine I guess as long as her beloved Hayama-senpai is around.

Mhm… I wonder how Komachi's doing…

Wait.

Just how is Komachi doing?

"Oi, I need my phone-"

"Your sister is fine," said Yukinoshita flipping a page in her book. "I had made all the necessary contact arrangements with your sisters and parents. Your mother and father plan to return home early in the afternoon to check up on you."

Perhaps I was utterly dumbfounded by how thorough Yukinoshita could be when it comes to her idea of 'caring' for someone.

"Whatever happened to that philosophy of 'teaching a man to fish instead of giving him a fish'? It certainly doesn't feel like you're giving me the tools I need to take care of myself," I protested. "Maybe you should just go home or at least read your book in the living room," I suggested. I eyed my book cabinet, looking for a manga or light novel I could read to pass the time… heh, maybe if Yukinoshita decided to go downstairs I could also get some of my-

"I've taken the liberty of discarding your adult magazines," Yukinoshita stated.

"Wait, what?" My collection!

Before I could even ask how she managed to read my mind, she explained, "Your eye placement suggests you were looking at your bookshelf moments earlier which meant you wanted to read. That is acceptable. However, given your rather predictable line of thinking, your mind wandered off to less than noble thoughts and thus felt the need to have me vacate your room. Need I go on?"

"I'm good…" I plopped back down onto my bed.

Perhaps this was how Sagami felt during the cultural festival when Yukinoshita took the lead on every matter. The overwhelming… claustrophobia of being outpaced at every single turn. Each move was carefully accounted for like a master chess player. Hn, Yukinoshita would probably give Zhuge Liang a run for his money…

Yukinoshita Yukino, the Crouching Dragon… meh, Crouching Tiger Cub is probably better. [11]

"Um… so about my magazines… was it really necessary to toss them out?"

Turning over to her, I felt the temperature in the room drop several degrees.

"I've learned a great deal about your degenerative fetishes Hikigaya-kun…"

I cringed.

Best not to ask about those lost lambs ever again. Poor fellows. I would give you a 21 gun salute but only in my heart. Alas, good night my sweet princes… may the coffin of the trashman carry you off on your journey to The Kingdom of Death and meet the Goddess Etro… [12]

"Oi, Yukinoshita."

"Yes?" Yukinoshita replied, not looking up from her book.

"Earlier, you said that me getting sick was your fault."

"Yes." Yukinoshita turned to a new page.

"What did you mean?" Are you trying to be the Messiah? Sorry, but I honestly think I have more sins than you can forgive… [13]

A sigh escaped from her lips. Not meeting my eyes, she turned her gaze towards the window. "Because it is," she said.

"Huh?"

She gave no further response. I followed her gaze to the outside. The sky looked pretty bad. Well, it's to be expected, really. Despite being the final month of winter, the weather's just been as cold as ever…

… ah.

"Bath."

"Hm?" Yukinoshita turned to look at me.

"I forgot to dry my hair," I said, looking off to the side. "Komachi made me help do chores, so I was exhausted. I fell asleep right after taking a bath."

Actually, my cute little sister refuses to let me do anything around the house. 'Oniichan, you're too slow and stupid!' is what she'd usually say before smiling and saying she scored high in Komachi points. I'm so sorry for dragging your name into the mud! I promise I'll buy you all the red bean croquettes you want, okay?

"You're a bad liar, Hikigaya-kun."

"Ah?" I turned to look back at Yukinoshita. "It's the truth. The truth!"

"Yes, yes," Yukinoshita sighed, returning to her book. "It does fit your character, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Only someone as stupid as Hikigaya-kun would forget to dry their hair after a bath."

"Tch!"

Hey, you take that back! Don't you know that you've insulted more than half of Japan? Do you think you can take on the world all by yourself!? Well, you probably could, now that I think about it… and you wouldn't need the power of the nine-tailed fox, either. [14]

Well, despite her reprimandment, I thought I saw a slight smile form on her face.

The day continued as usual. Yukinoshita continued to read and I continued to stay alive at her will.

"It appears your parents have returned home," Yukinoshita observed.

The sound of my mom's car stopped in the front. I could hear the interaction between my mom and dad making hurried steps to the door, quickly unlocking it.

"Should I go out and greet them?" Yukinoshita asked, setting aside her book.

"Don't bother," I sighed, bracing myself for what was about to come.

The door swung open and before I knew it my mother had embraced me deeply. She had nearly knocked Yukinoshita out of the way. As a point of reference, it was unsurprising that my parents favor my little sister Komachi over myself. There was, however, a singular exception to this rule: if I am ill, then I am elevated above Komachi.

And thus began the motherly smothering.

"Are you okay? Are you bleeding anywhere? How's your nose? Your ears? You can hear me right, my son? Yes, yes?" I brushed her off as several more sloppy kisses were planted onto my cheeks.

This was why I try to avoid being sick.

While others will celebrate a few days off their studies, I find it a massive hassle. If anything, this was only making me sicker. And having Yukinoshita as an audience member did little to remedy this situation… if anything, the embarrassment should have exacerbated.

But it didn't.

Yukinoshita probably had it worse off than me in the family department. Then again, I wouldn't know.

I knew nothing about Yukinoshita's family.

"Um… you must be Yukinoshita-san? We spoke on the phone, I believe…" My father finally acknowledged the sole person in my room not of the Hikigaya clan. "It is a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for taking care of my troublesome son," he said with a bow.

H-hey dad… don't bow to her! That's only going to feed her ego! You're making it seem like all Hikigaya males are submissive and pathetically bow down to overbearing women!

Yukinoshita returned the bow.

"It was nothing," she said. My mother released me long enough to watch the diplomatic response.

"You must be Yukinoshita-san…" my mother said slowly. "Thank you for taking care of my troublesome little boy here. He's always been a hassle."

"He has been under my care. I shall continue to watch over him," Yukinoshita assured, bowing.

"Please do." My mother bowed.

H-hey… what's with this atmosphere? Mom? Dad? Are you guys selling me off?

"Say… Yukinoshita-san," my dad began. "Do you happen to be related to the diet member, Yukinoshita-?"

"My father, yes," Yukinoshita answered.

"Ha… ha… my son, being taken care of by a diet member's daughter." My dad began laughing nervously. I could sense a hint of fear. Perhaps he was afraid that his corporate slave job might be in jeopardy over my affiliation with a politician's daughter?

Working must suck.

"Hey. I'm still here you know," I said.

"That's nice dear," my mom said, utterly ignoring me in the next instant. 37 seconds, that's a new record. "So tell me Yukinoshita-san-"

"Yukino is fine, Hikigaya-san," said Yukinoshita.

"Ah! Yukino-chan, then? Well, you may call me Auntie, or mother if you'd prefer…"

"I… um… would be most comfortable with Hikigaya-san-"

"Auntie," my mother said with a smile.

Yukinoshita sighed. Oh? So even Yukinoshita Yukino could lose battles against my mother?

"Very well, Auntie…"

"So adorable!" My mother exclaimed excitedly. "I suppose I can be less concerned over my son's future. You know I was always worried he's grow up alone and end up marrying a cardboard cut-outs like one of those NEETs."

Yukinoshita nodded in agreement.

"I was most concerned of that as well. However, I believe he is still somewhat salvageable as a productive member of this society."

"Please do take good care of my son." My mother bowed again.

"I will do my best." Yukinoshita returned the bow.

Seriously, this atmosphere is getting pretty weird.

"Say…" My father leaned over to me and whispered, "Is that girl your squeeze?"

"S-squeeze?" Ignoring the fact my father's lingo is out of touch by several decades, I was surprised he made that association. Upon further reflection however, it does seem to match up with several commonly expected tropes of a presumed love interest. Cute girl comes over, makes meal for you, and then takes care of you while you're sick… perhaps these might be an excellent indicator test for a lover on any other girl - except this is Yukinoshita you're talking about.

"We're not even friends," I answered.

"So… there's still hope, right?"

I don't think he understands what 'we're not even friends' means…

"Oh! Where are my manners?" my mother gasped, standing up. "Come Yukino-chan. Let's prepare tea… would you mind staying for dinner?"

Yukinoshita looked uneasy.

"I believe I may have to return home soon…"

"Nonsense! You're welcomed in our home. You can help me prepare dinner. Didn't my useless son stay over at your house last night? I believe you had a slumber party with several others…"

"Ah… something like that…" Yukinoshita fumbled through her words as she was dragged downstairs by my mother.

"Quite the catch son. I approve," said my father as he patted my hand. I felt a crumpled roll of paper in my palm.

It was a ten thousand yen note.

"Take her out to a nice date some time," he said, closing the door behind him with a wink.

What the heck was going on today?

**oO oOoOo Oo**

The sole perk of being sick in my household is that my mother takes great lengths to make my favorite meal.

That meant that tonight's meal would be ridiculously unhealthy with things such as fried chicken, mayonnaise shrimp, rolled omelettes, and things on the pickled side. Not to mention I could drink Coffee MAX at the table. It was an unusual treat, but my mother believed that being happy was the best cure for sickness. Hence why everytime Komachi was sick she got a new toy or new clothes or the latest light novel.

I guess the system could be abused, but let it be known that Hikigaya Hachiman retains some honor.

While I waited for dinner to be finished, I was sitting in my father's bathrobe in the living room. My mother wanted to assure whatever sniffles ails me would not return and so I was dressed appropriate for the weather despite the indoor heating.

My father was beside me, watching a soccer game.

Meanwhile, my mother and Yukinoshita were in the kitchen preparing dinner.

"So my useless son's favorite meal is karaage," my mother explained. "The trick is to season it with two pinches of salt and a dash of spicy pepper. Then you add in some cumin for the curry aftertaste."

"Ah…" If Yukinoshita had a notebook, I'd imagine this would have substituted for the classes she missed today.

As my mother went on about my food preferences, the doorbell rang.

"Oi, get it," my father nudged me.

"Aren't I sick?"

"I'm watching the game," he reasoned.

"Fine…" I got up and made my way towards the door. I was feeling much better than this morning. My knees were more stable and my ribcage wasn't rattling from every single sneeze. I felt as good and new as a 00-Cyborg. [15]

The bell kept ringing.

"Oi! My useless son! Get the door!"

"On it! Honestly, moms…" I muttered under my breath opening the door.

A breeze entered my household, like that of a coming snowstorm.

"Greetings what's-his-name-dead-fish-eyes-kun!"

"Uh… wait… wh-wha…"

"So this is the household…?" The voice was smooth and diplomatic. One might have taken the tone for neutral, but the kimono-clad owner of the voice held a subtle hint of disgust.

"Wh-wha…?"

"Hikigaya-kun. Greetings," came the voice of the a certain devious tigress. Her eyes were cold and piercing and belonged to the elder of the two sisters.

Standing before me, with the chilly arctic winds to their back, was the remainder of the Yukinoshita family.

"So… are you going to let us in, bathrobe-kun?" Yukinoshita's father smiled politely.

"Uh… oh… ah…" Their presence was overwhelming. It felt like I was drowning in their spiritual pressure! It was like an ocean of bleach suffocating me!

"I'll just let myself in then," said the Yukinoshita family head. "Wow! I like what you've done with the place!"

"Oi! Who's there, son?"

"Hmm… I suppose that's your father, yes?"

"Y-yeah…"

"I'll go introduce myself then!" And with that Yukinoshita's father made his way to the kitchen after kicking off his shoes.

"Dear husband…" the wife of the Yukinoshita family head sighed. She assembled his discarded shoes and followed him after carefully placing her own shoes beside his. "Please be respectful of another family's household…"

Haruno-san was the only one behind.

Looking behind her, I could see a small team of men in black with shades and earpieces at strategic points throughout the neighborhood. There was no escape… I was caught like a rat.

"Haro haro, Hikigaya-kun. Not going to step aside to let me in?"

"A-ah… yes… um…" Haruno-san gracefully removed her shoes and set them aside. "What are you doing here?"

Haruno-san turned around with a huge smile plastered on her face.

"Isn't it obvious?"

…

…

Then the thought came to me like a lightning bolt.

"Because your sister's here…"

Haruno-san laughed. "And my parents were _so _very curious about why Yukino-chan skipped classes two days in a row… then had a boy exit the apartment with her this morning after asking our limousine driver to take them to an otherwise nowhere location… then several family associates being asked favors all morning…"

"I had a cold," I explained nervously. I was unable to face her gaze.

"So in the selfless act of taking care of poor, little Hikigaya-kun… my sister called on the Yukinoshita family's powers. You know they're a bit forbidden for her, ya know? She's not the sort that wants to rely on others, especially because of our parent's name."

"And so because she did…"

The pieces were falling into place. Haruno-san took a step forward, pushing me against the wall.

"Nope. My parents aren't interested in _what_ Yukino-chan was doing this morning… but _why_…"

Another step closer to me, and the door closed.

My back was to the door now.

She leaned closer to me, our breaths nearly touching. The wind from outside sealed off by the closed door. The only moving air came from Haruno-san's mouth that smelled like a fresh scent of tiger lilies…

Haruno-san's next phrase gave me a chill that cut to the bone.

"… they're interested in _you_."

Haruno-san had cornered me against the door with her stepwise advances.

I could feel the cold wood against my back.

Then Komachi returned home.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

The families of Hikigaya and Yukinoshita sat opposite to each other.

On one couch was Haruno-san, her mother, and her father. On the other was my little sister Komachi, my mother, and my father. And in between them, on the two-seater couch, was myself and Yukinoshita. I was still wearing my bathrobe. Yukinoshita was still wearing her apron.

We were all served tea, courtesy of my mother with some help from Komachi and Haruno-san.

Pleasantries were exchanged and smiles were had all around.

Okay…

"Haha… so this one time my son did this…"

Seems normal enough…

"Ah? Is that so? My daughter is excellent in academics. Top scorer all around! Daddy's little girl, haha!"

But that doesn't explain…

"Haha, my son should study a bit more, that's true. Mhm… they seem to be good friends at the very least?"

… _why the heck does this atmosphere feel like a marriage interview?_

I looked to my dad who had been quiet for most of the conversation. Maybe he wanted to save face in front of a diet member by not saying anything stupid by not saying anything at all? That strategy won't work! Try to get us out of this situation!

He could only give me an apologetic glance and shrug.

Komachi was busy eating the snacks while Haruno-san sipped her tea quietly.

The most mysterious of those gathered was Yukinoshita's mother, who hadn't so much as knowledged my existence. She hadn't even said a single word in reference or with regards to me. I was probably worth less than mice to her… speaking of which, this was the third time I'd failed to introduce myself properly to her.

Ugh… my stomach… the stress…

"Sit straight, Hikigaya-kun," Yukinoshita whispered to me.

"Why should I?" I hissed back.

"Appearances are everything right now," she replied in a soft voice.

"_Says the one wearing a frilly white apron_."

Appearing good in front of other's families is what children are for. You bring well behaved children so you can show other parents that 'hey! I'm better at raising kids than you!' So then they can then use those kids as examples as role models for their own kids. That's how you get parents telling their kids, 'why can't you be more like genius-kun or polite-chan?' and then the parents will slowly drink themselves into a stupor when they realize they raised a bunch of little farts.

Heh. I'm definitely more than a fart though.

Yukinoshita sighed. "I know this will be difficult for you… but please at least attempt to look impressive. Despite your… many faults, there must be some positive points you can emphasize…"

"Why in the world would I care about impressing your parents?"

Yukinoshita said nothing.

Komachi asked to be excused to do her homework with all the grace worthy of a master politician. The two families agreed to dismiss her.

I envied that ability.

The conversation continued on random topics about grades and stuff before finally the Yukinoshita family head turned to me. With a clean shaven smile and mousse-hair that was perfectly combed he asked me a question through his white-as-rain teeth:

"So Hikigaya-kun, who are you to my daughter?"

"U-uh… uh… w-wait… what are you asking me?"

Yukinoshita sighed and brought a palm to her face before me. My mother and father look ashamed that I was their son. Haruno-san sat there, silent as a cat - not quite there yet not quite gone, as if she was waiting in the bushes to strike the moment I collapsed. Not to mention there was her mother who hadn't so much as given me a glance in my direction…

Oh man, Yukinoshita's family was going to eat me alive!

I wasn't expecting the Yukinoshita Inquisition.

"I suppose I should have been more specific…" Yukinoshita's father sighed. "Hikigaya-kun… what's your relationship with my daughter?"

"I… um… we go to the same school?"

Yukinoshita's father blinked. "I… understand… I was wondering if I could delve more into your personal relationship with her. Are you her boyfriend?"

"No," I said quickly.

"You said that kind of fast," he smiled. "They say lies become reflexive. I should know, because I've met my fair share of liars. I'm a politician after all!" The jest earned a laugh from my parents who probably just laughed to ease the tension.

That fact remained that this guy wanted to know what was my relationship with Yukinoshita.

Oh man, what do I say?

"We're in the same club, father."

"Huh?" I looked at Yukinoshita beside me.

"Are we not?" She asked, tilting her head towards me.

"Y-yeah… we're both in the Service Club," I explained. "We do stuff… you know like help out and stuff…" Oh man, I know I'm way more eloquent than this. Damned nerves getting to me… ow, ow… stomach hurts… too much stress…

"I see… same club, huh…?"

He leaned back and brought a finger parallel to the his lips. He looked deep in thought as he was staring into my very heart and soul. Maybe his gaze went so far as to go into another dimension, as if he were gazing beyond the Gate. [16] There would be no equivalent exchange with this guy. I just needed to survive whatever he takes from me.

"Father," came the voice of Haruno-san, the elder Yukinoshita sister.

"Hm?"

"I'm an acquaintance with Hikigaya-kun myself. He is an upstanding individual. While he may possess several minor character flaws, he does have his own charm does he not?"

"Aha! That he does!" My mother chimed in.

Mom, just sink into the background! Do I need to teach you one of my 108 specialty moves? Just stand out of the crossfire!

Yukinoshita's father chuckled.

"So you're just clubmates, right?"

"Y-yes…"

I wish I could glance sideways to see Yukinoshita's reaction. I wanted to know what she was thinking. I wish we could communicate to each other and know what it was that we wanted to say… just what were we?

"So I guess your relationship won't change no matter what I say?"

"No," I said quickly. "I mean yes? Uh-um… what I'm trying to say is that we're clubmates. Nothing more," I choked out nervously.

Yukinoshita's father retreated again in thought with his legs crossed.

"So if I were to tell you my daughter and Hayama Hayato were once engaged, your relationship wouldn't change at all?"

"No it would-"

-n't?

Wait.

What?

"Um… come again?" I said.

Yukinoshita's father's laughed easily. "I said that Yukinoshita Yukino, my daughter, and Hayama Hayato, son of a close associate and very good friend of mine, were once betrothed to each other. Surely you knew they were childhood friends? If I recall correctly Hayato was pretty popular and Yukino must be as well…"

"A-ah…"

The realization took the wind right out of me. Perhaps I should be shoved into a wooden tub and buried under a mountain and become a Buddha. At least then maybe I'll reach enlightenment as to what I was feeling right now.

I turned to face Yukinoshita, who simply looked away from me.

"If I remember Haruno-san's story correctly. Yukino wrote a love letter to Hayato recently." Yukinoshita's mother finally spoke. The piece of evidence from several days ago had finally resurfaced. "If that is the case, we should go forward with our proposal to the Hayama family."

Yukinoshita's father considered it carefully before nodding in agreement. "You're right, my dear wife," he said with a smile. "You two are just clubmates." The head of the Yukinoshita family looked at me. "Correct?"

Yeah.

"Um…" The thought had formed in my head, but my mouth didn't move.

"Hm?"

"Ah… uh…" It was a simple four-letter word. 'Yeah'. I could even say 'Yeah, we're just club-mates' and this entire thing would be done with.

"You're just clubmates, are you not?"

His eyes were hypnotic. It was a piercing gaze. It felt as if time and space had frozen itself. This world was absolute zero. Not a single particle was moving. Every velocity fell to nothingness. My heartbeat stopped. I had to answer. I needed to answer.

Nothing will move until I answer.

"Y-yeah," I coughed out.

Yukinoshita's father sighed.

Was he… disappointed by my response?

… ah.

The father, the mother and the eldest daughter…

They all have the same smile.

"Well, if that's the case…" Yukinoshita's father said as he crossed his legs and folded his arms. His eyes focused on me. "Then may I request that you cease seeing my daughter socially outside of your club?"

"Huh?"

Stop seeing her socially outside of the club? What does that mean? Stop talking to her?

He shrugged nonchalantly.

"Actually, given a bit of thought, perhaps it'd be best if you disbanded whatever club it is altogether." His smile was brimming wide, as if he were the victorious powers imposing their will and sanctions upon the downtrodden and defeated. It was as if this guy was a judge passing out his verdict on me. Guilty. Guilty on every count.

"F-father," Yukinoshita said.

"It's a silly waste of time. Our time is precious, and it's better spent elsewhere," he said. His wife echoed the sentiment, nearly word for word. "So we'll resume the home lessons and classes."

"I…" Yukinoshita leaned forward, as if to protest.

But she didn't.

I couldn't blame her.

In fairy tales, it is the women who are scary. Ursula from The Little Mermaid, Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty, the stepsisters and stepmother from Cinderella - these are all notable examples. The father figure in the story is usually the nice one. He is the one who comforts his daughter and cares for her until his dying breath.

I guess that's why they call them fairy tales.

All this time, it was the mother who I was concerned about. Being in her presence was like being the Titans before Zeus. [17] It made sense then why Haruno-san and Yukinoshita shared parts of her personality. 'Like mother, like daughter', that was what I had thought. I had thought that all of the coldness I felt from the family came from the woman who took on the name 'Yukinoshita'.

No. She merely adapted to the name. The man before me was born one.

The man who I encountered at the party; I had taken him for granted. This. This was the true face of Yukinoshita's father. Not the goofy one at the party who seemed so laid back and open. This was the one who's a leader of the Chiba Prefectural Diet. This was the man who could bring people to their knees and sway thousands of souls into his favor. His icy look and frozen smile… he's the blizzard while the Yukinoshita Yukino that sits in the light reading her book in silence is but a mere snowflake.

My skin felt nothing but cold sweat. My heartbeat slowed to the point I might as well have been a cold blooded reptile. My body quivered, as if hypothermia came over me.

His message was clear:

_Stay away from my daughter._

"I think we will take our leave…" the head of the Yukinoshita family announced.

The Yukinoshita family, minus the youngest daughter, all rose simultaneously.

"Ah… please stay for dinner," my mother insisted.

"I'd love to… but we have another appointment. I believe we'll be visiting a close family friend for dinner tonight. But, perhaps we can arrange a dinner through my secretary on a different date?" Yukinoshita's mother suggested. I could tell by the distant tone in her voice, the translation of that was: we are never going to sit down and have a meal with you. _Ever_.

"Mm… don't be like that," Yukinoshita's father seemed to have picked up on that as well. "Tell you what, my re-election fundraiser is coming up some time. I'll send you folks an invitation!" And just that, Yukinoshita's father went from the Lich King upon the Frozen Throne [18] to kindly ol' local Chiba diet member, Yukinoshita-san.

Scary.

They all have the same smile.

So scary.

"We'd love that," my mother agreed. "What do you think, dear?" she asked my father.

"A-ah y-yes!" my father said, vigorously nodding his head.

As the Yukinoshita parents began making their way towards the door, Haruno-san stood behind. "Yukino-chan, it's time to go," she called out to her younger sister.

"Ah…" Yukinoshita looked up. "I…"

"Yukino."

Yukinoshita stiffened.

It wasn't cold. It wasn't harsh. It wasn't anything, really. And yet, the words that man spoke held a level of power and authority that made everyone in the room freeze.

Yukinoshita stood helplessly. Then she turned towards me.

She mouthed something.

I wish she didn't.

In fact, I wish I could forget that she did.

A few minutes later, Yukinoshita had left through my door. She entered the black car with her family and drove off.

And just like that, she was gone.

We ate dinner quietly. My parents joked and asked me questions about Yukinoshita. I didn't care enough to answer. Komachi did most of the talking anyway. Heh, maybe my little sister knew Yukinoshita better than I did.

I wasn't feeling hungry, so I went back to my room.

Laying in my bed, rubbing my runny nose I remembered the things Yukinoshita had left over:

Smelly oils and medicinal tea.

I took a sniff of them. The thought of Yukinoshita holding the bottle to my nose returned to me. She took care of me today, and made sure I became well… she even met my family…

All because she felt it was her responsibility.

And I couldn't repay that back to her.

Humans want to forget things that happened in their lives.

They want to ignore it. They want to forget that it exists. How else can First World countries grow so fat if they don't think of the starving children in war-torn, disease-stricken Third World nations? The modern era is full of escapism. Whether it's running away to the internet or a book or the restroom to eat your lunch, people prefer to run away from the confrontation.

They want answers, but are too afraid to fight for them.

People are weak. They're scared of change so they huddle to themselves, repeating the lies in their caves. It's a drug that keeps them going. A chronic condition that they simply must live with.

They're disgusting people.

And…

… well.

So am I.

… no.

I'm worse.

I'm weak.

I'm afraid.

I'm the worst.

For all of my youth spent despising and hating all of these liars and superficial things in the world - seeing people continue to lie, be it to each other or to themselves - I keep forgetting a key fact:

I'm the biggest liar of them all.

And I hate myself for it.

The night was dark. The air was cold.

My eyes went to the moon, peeking behind the clouds. The clouds appeared thin, as if a snowstorm had been unleashed from their bowels - leaving them exhausted. But there was no snow storm today. There wasn't even rain or hail. It rarely snows in Chiba. It's so rare that a certain girl was named after it, because it snowed the day she was born.

No snow fell today. But it's not the snow that makes the world cold.

The world was simply an unforgiving place.

The clouds drifted. They moved. Time was passing as it does and in the natural order of things, I myself laid in bed watching it all. Insomnia crept up on me, as if I had enough caffeine in my blood to keep me going for ten lifetimes. My eyes were stuck to the glass, watching the moon and clouds and darkened sky.

A single snowflake fell from the sky and disappeared. Perhaps it's the last of its kind.

Humans want to forget things that happened in their lives.

They want to ignore it. They want to forget that it exists.

I wish I could forget…

… that Yukinoshita Yukino said '_I want to stay here._'

**oO oOoOo Oo**

_An Interview between Hikigaya and Yukinoshita Fin_

**Next Chapter: **_Still, Yuigahama Yui tries to make Chocolate_

**Footnotes:**

[1] **Matrix - **_A film where one of the main theme is the line between reality and perception. Is what you're feeling real? Is that air you're breathing? Is Hikigaya really in LxXx with Yu- I mean- Iroha?_

[2] "**Greek even fell in love with one of his statues" - **_Falling in love with one's own creations, like falling in love with one's ideal constructs. Also pretty creepy. And kind of hot. _

[3] **Darth Vader **_\- Star Wars._

[4] **180,000 yen clone **_\- It's actually fairly cheap if you want to start your own Level 6 project. Also Misaki Shokuhou is the best girl in the entire series and you're wrong if you don't believe it. You're wrong. Period._

_Muh Queen…_

[5] **Spiderman **_\- With great power comes great responsibility._

[6] **Chitanda Clan and Captain Saji **_\- Hyouka and One Piece._

[7] **Et tu, Brute? **_\- Hail Julius Caesar Catimux Felinicus._

[8] **"Get over here!"/Long Yellow Spike** \- _Shoutout to Scorpion._

[9] **Fatalities **_**\- **__Mortal Kombat._

[10] **Dawkins, Selfish Gene **_\- People are driven by their desire to reproduce and pass on their genes. Otakus who marry cardboard cutouts and live in parks have clearly fallen out of their loop._

[11] **Crouching Dragon **_\- A reference to Zhuge Liang, a famous scholar and recluse who was Liu Bei's main military advisor during his later years. Idealistic and loyal, he overworked himself to death during the Battle of the Wuzhang Plains against his great rival, Sima Yi._

[12] **The Kingdom of Death, Goddess Etro **_\- NINE. GODDAMN. FUCKING. YEARS. NOMURA WHY!?_

[13] **The Messiah/"I have more sins than you can forgive"** \- _Referring to Jesus Christ and the Crucifixion._

[14] **Nine-tailed Fox** \- _Fucking Naruto._

[15] **00-Cyborg **_\- A manga about cyborgs._

[16] **The Gate** \- _Full Metal Alchemist. _

[17] **Titans before Zeus **_\- The Titans were defeated during the Titanomachy, the Titan-Olympian War, and judged by Zeus. The vast majority of them were sentenced to Tartarus, the lowest depths of Hades, and considered to be a model for hell. _

[18] **Lich King, Frozen Throne **_\- "My son, the day you were born the very forests of Lordaeron whispered the name… 'Arthas'."_


	6. Chocolate

**Summary:** _Valentines' Day - a day of love, pink, and chocolates. In the spirit of the coming holiday, Hiratsuka-sensei gives her Modern Japanese periods an assignment: write a love letter. So naturally, Hikigaya writes a love letter to the person he loves the most._

_Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru_

_Chapter 6_

**Still, Yuigahama Yui tries to make Chocolate**

**oO oOoOo Oo**

The world is bittersweet.

It's full of broken promises and liars. It's filled with corporate overlords and their slaves. There's boundless waste and war and disease on top of famine and exploitation. People are born, live a little, and then they die. They live their lives in such discord, like a bunch of mice trying to be men. Their bodies are quickly buried, their memories are forgotten, and their lives are as meaningless as an ant under a magnifying glass.

_Whatever._

Yukinoshita Yukino isn't my problem. If there are no problems in the world - then nobody has to make sacrifices. Nobody has to get hurt. Yes, that's the correct way of looking at it.

The world is perfect as it is.

The days passed quietly enough. Yuigahama had her clique of self-absorbed normals to hang out with and Isshiki was busy with student council president duties. The Service Club room was quiet, quieter than usual. The most iconic decoration was missing. Yukinoshita doesn't come here anymore.

Well, Hayama isn't around much either.

But still, people talk about them. The latest gossip is what Hayama would be doing for Yukinoshita on Valentine's day, which is tomorrow. Of course, seeing their chronic delinquency as of late, the gossipers probably won't even know fact from fiction and assume Hayama is doing to some some elaborate Great Gatsby sort of deal - complete with giraffes and zebras and jugglers.

The book in my hands had ripped a page. I grasped the page too tightly trying to turn it.

The blemish to the book's previous perfection and uniformity irritated me. This was called obsessive compulsive disorder, I believe? Then again, I imagine a lot of people have this sort of thinking - so if everyone's thinking is, how is it a disorder?

Then again, mental institutions aren't exactly democracies.

Still, it's best if I stopped being so frustrated. The secret to living in a happy life is to stop caring. Forget the troubles of your past and move on. At least, telling myself that works during the day up and until the depth of night when the memories began to rush back to you.

Every single embarrassing act in your life, playing like a slow moving train wreck.

Maybe I have insomnia. But insomnia makes me thirsty.

I make tea for myself now, since nobody else will. When I finish brewing I go back to my seat. It felt sacrilegious to sit where the others should be seating. Although they were absent, I think some kind of bushido honor dictates that their seats must be marked even if they may never come. Well, maybe that was just the sentimentality talking.

In any case, I'm not a fan of change.

"Hachiman… what do you think it's like to get a love letter?"

But some things do disrupt the balance of the four nations once living in harmony.

A useless chuuni laid on the floor beside me staring up into the ceiling. His overcoat was spread out like a blanket beneath him. The guy thought he was staring at the clouds on a sunny spring day when a quick glance outside the window showed a bleak and unforgiving world.

"I don't know," I said. "I'm not the sort to get love letters. Well, sometimes I do get torn up love letters because my locker was used as a trashcan.

"Surely you must have thought about it. What it's like?" Zaimokuza gave a deep sigh. "Ah, to have a fair maiden send me her love in written form, if only if only… I wish I was Lord Hayama… I wish he would teach me his secret arts of attraction. Maybe it's a hidden ninjutsu."

"It's probably a bloodline limit," I said, sipping my tea. Setting the cup down rather quickly, I spilled a little bit of the hot liquid on my hand. Using a napkin to wipe the table, I hoped the tea wouldn't attract an infestation.

Then again… my eyes wandered to the useless chuuni laying on the floor.

With the absence of Yukinoshita, it seems that rodents have begun to infest the Service Club Room regardless. I still picked up the key to open the door but Zaimokuza seems to have developed a habit of following me around. He's like a hermit crab, always finding a new shell to inhabit.

Meh. I'm not much different.

"Valentine's is tomorrow," Zaimokuza mused. "I wish I would get chocolates from a girl…"

"Oh?"

It's already been a week since the _Cupid Express_. It's been a week since Yukinoshita confessed in a public space to having feelings for Hayama Hayato. It's been a week since the hot pot party. It's been a week since I slept over at the apartment. It's been a week since I met her family. It's been a week since, like the ending of winter, she vanished like snow in the springtime.

It's been a week since I last saw Yukinoshita Yukino.

"Wouldn't get your hopes up."

"You can't lose hope, Hachiman!"

Zaimokuza thrusted his arms into the air into some dramatic pose, forming the shape of some foreign symbol with his limbs and torso only to end up looking like some letter on the bottom of a can of alphabet soup. I hope he realizes it loses a lot of dramatic effect and amasses a ridiculous amounts of stupidity points when it's done on the floor, right?

Well, Zaimokuza hasn't lost hope. That means he thinks there's still a chance.

"You're probably banking on some obligation chocolates from girls in your class," I noted taking another sip of my tea and returning to my book.

The gurgle of pain from the direction of my feet proved my hypothesis correct.

"Just because a girl says '_good m-morning_' to you because you said '_honorable day to you, fair maiden_' a few times and left the atmosphere in a creepy, awkward tension won't make her feel obligated to do anything for you - much less give you chocolate."

The gurgle of pain was slowly becoming a full blown panic attack.

"Look. Just ask your mom to buy your some chocolate. At least then you can say that, honestly, a girl's given you chocolate on Valentine's Day."

I didn't need to look away from the gray sky to know that Zaimokuza was rolling on the floor in agony.

The bleak skyline outside revealed that the weathermen were wrong. The coldest days haven't yet come to pass. Meh, can I really fault them for being liars? Maybe they're just incompetent and really bad at their jobs.

Or maybe the only one who's in denial is me.

Looking at the familiar ceiling, all I could do was applaud myself for being above a certain protagonist who couldn't control his urges when he pulled the sheets off of his comatose co-worker. Now that I think about it, I'm doing fantastic compared to that guy.

The clouds were still hanging low. They were darkened and ready to drop rain or snow or sleet or whatever it is they were going to in this cold. Maybe a blizzard would come.

"M-maybe someone might put chocolate on my locker by mistake," Zaimokuza said thoughtfully. "And thus would begin my romantic expedition to return the fair maiden her chocolate! It'll be a glorious quest. I'll slay dragons and lions and great wolves that hunger for the truth contained with the letter. So then upon the Holy Day of Carte Blanche, I shall return to the fair maiden with a gift of chocolate confectionary worthy of her affections!"

Zaimokuza, your life isn't an RPG. And if it was, it's more of a Western open world RPG where you're running around like a headless chicken instead of a masterfully crafted story-driven good ol' fashioned Japanese Role Playing Game.

My advice to you would be to shove as many stats into intelligence while you still can and eek out a decent income. With enough honey, even the garbage can attract good-looking flies.

But for now, let's be real.

"It's more likely that they'll take the chocolate and dump it at the closest trash can they can reach. Because they don't know who you are or if you've tainted the chocolate. That's of course assuming you find a chocolate in the first place which is as rare as a shiny Mew."

"Uguu! H-Hachiman, you wound me so!"

It's a shame you aren't Totsuka and you were wounded by a poisoned arrow. I wouldn't hesitate to rip apart his clothing and start sucking out the poison prompto.

As Zaimokuza recovered, he made an impassioned plea, "Isn't it possible I'd get a chocolate from a girl?"

Placing a compassionate hand on Zaimokuza's shoulder, I shook my head.

A thousand years later, people still speak of Zaimokuza's death howl on the eve of Valentine's Day.

Experience has taught me one thing, girls do not make mistakes with chocolates.

Girls spend an exorbitant amount of time to make chocolate. Every ingredient is carefully purchased. Every piece of chocolate chip and whip cream and frosting and red-line lettering is done with surgical procedure. Even the ditziest girl can somehow perform a miracle creation on this day for her true beloved.

So if you do get something from a girl, it's deliberate.

If you're the unpopular schmuck in class, you'll get used gym socks or '_GO DIE_' letters in pink lettering and badly cropped frills, undoubtedly failed prototypes of their actual cards. You were an afterthought - after they finished their actual cards, they felt their failures shouldn't go to waste. So, being efficient pissants in a capitalistic agri-world, they dump their deformed cards with the rest of the trash.

I still keep those cards- I mean- my friend does.

It's a reminder that girls can be cruel. They are cruel in the way where people notice of least. It starts with the little things. It starts with an innocent smile. It starts with the innocuous 'hello' that's given freely to anyone but it only feels special to you. Small steps corrupt and before long, the girl is talking behind your back. Every girl's heard of you. You're the creep. You're the monster. You're disease-stricken and ill-suited for companionship. I didn't make myself like this, girls did.

Girls are cancer.

And the worst thing about girls is that they always come back to haunt you. Just like the real cancer.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

I was scratching my stomach and itching for an afternoon snack when I returned home. There wasn't much of a point in staying for a club of one person. Opening the door, the smell of burning carbon and sulfur greeted my nose. I looked at where the fire alarm should be and found it dismantled with a stepladder nearby. The stepladder was apparently neglected. Looking into the kitchen, I called out:

"Komachi? Are you in there?"

"Over here, oniichan!"

There she was, my sister of flesh and blood, covered in… flesh and blood? Scattered around the floor were candied hearts and red velvet frosting. It seems she has tried her hand at baking. Yet, in the process of making a mess, it only enhanced her _CUTE_ stats. Whatever ludicrous randomness of chance had bestowed upon her such adorable traits while leaving me all the rotten, recessive genes was certainly cruel. Perhaps she's Solid Komachi and I'm Liquid Hikki. It makes perfect sense to just get a giant bipedal nuclear-armed tank and try to blow up the world.

"Hikki, yahallo!"

There was another presence in my kitchen.

I squinted my eyes as I saw Yuigahama Yui, wearing that frilly and dumb-looking pink apron Yukinoshita and I bought for her birthday. It still looked frilly and dumb-looking but this time it was covered in what appeared to be grease, burnt chocolate spots, and a lot of ginger. Looking over at the counter, I realized only then there were a plethora of concoctions not known to the mortal man. Surely the Black Library would take a keen interest in finding whatever corner of the Warp this material hailed from…

Then I looked at Yuigahama. I realized she was there, in my house. What was she doing here?

"You…"

"Y-yes?" Yuigahama's voice was low.

With her hair tied back with a bandana, in an apron, with a spatula - I'll admit - she kind of looked like a housewife. Of course, that's assuming any male would want a housewife that's unable to cook a decent bowl of curry but that's a matter I'll leave to the internet dating sites and middle-aged mixers. The apron was fastened tight and accentuated her curves. She wasn't wearing her school uniform… she instead had casual clothes on.

They were a bit loose…

… and they looked rather soft. The clothes, I mean.

_Wait._

I was supposed to ask her something, right?

"What are you… in my house… what…?"

"Isn't it, like, _obvious_?"

A small mountain of chocolate chips were tucked away in the corner. Heart-shaped molds and cutting utensils were laid on the counter. Milk, sprinkles, powdery confections, and a sifter laid out on the table. The entire floor, their apron-clad bodies, and even the ceiling were covered in dark brown spots.

Slowly I began putting two and two together and realized the purpose of Yuigahama's presence in my sacred household.

"I'm practicing with Komachi-chan to make Valentine's Day chocolate!"

Yuigahama's pursuit of life with the utmost care free ignorance could be mistaken as an endearing act. But I'm pretty sure allowing her near a stove with any amount of ingredients constitutes of a United Nations crime against humanity.

"You sure you know what you're doing? You might create a T-virus." A zombie apocalypse might actually be welcomed this time of year in Chiba. It would certainly break the monotony of the day.

"I know how to cook! Komachi-chan is showing me how!"

Yuigahama puffed her cheeks. Komachi was beside her waving around squealing 'Oniichan' this or 'Oniichan' that.

Meh, I guess two incompetent females will do alright in the kitchen. Something-something about two wrongs make a right. Or was it two lefts? In any case, I'll sit next the phone with the fire department on speed dial.

"Oh. Okay," I said.

I continued scratching my belly and went for the fridge, hoping to find some morsel of food left unburnt in the wake of the Yuigahama-Komachi Joint Expedition. Taking a glass from the cabinet, I poured myself some orange juice seeing as how I was not an uncivilized barbarian.

There was still some leftover rice balls which I supposed will do for a snack. The few loose grains I sampled didn't taste particularly spoiled, so there seemed to be no reason they couldn't satisfy my slight hunger. In any case, instant ramen was always a back-up option.

Welp, time to enjoy my nutritious rice balls on the couch beside the phone. My hand rested on towards the side, ready to speed dial the fire department at a spark's notice.

As I exited the kitchen I heard a pair of throats clear behind me.

"Oniichan…" came a growling voice.

"Hikki…" came another.

"What?"

The silent expectation unnerved my appetite.

"Aren't you the least bit curious about any of this?" Yuigahama asked.

"Nope."

"And why not?"

Yuigahama crossed her arms and puffed up, as if she thought she would act cuter if she did that. She demanded an answer.

"You're making Valentine's Day chocolate." It was a logical conclusion that even a toddler could reach it. "You're both girls. It sounds like what a pair of girls would do on the day before Valentine's Day. Well," I turned back towards the door. "Enjoy yourselves." Although I did say that, deep down I knew i was going to enjoy my rice ball far more than their fruitless endeavor to make fruity chocolate.

And with that I made my way to the living room to watch some afternoon cartoons, leaving the pair of idiots to continue their horrendous expedition into chocolate making.

Woe to the poor fool who has to endure Yuigahama's chocolate in the future.

The pair continued on in the kitchen.

"So… mushrooms are good in chocolate, right?"

"Yui-san…"

"W-what! Don't mushrooms have, like, protein and stuff? It'll make it less unhealthy!"

That very thought gave critical insight into the thinking of Yuigahama Yui-sapien - assuming she's even intelligent enough to be categorized as a 'sapien'.

"Let's try something less… Oniichan."

Hey! Don't use me as a substitute word for outcast and degenerate ideas! Wait… that actually fits.

"Leeks?"

"Yui-san…"

"But I thought… okay! Instant noodles!"

Note to self: dump a pack of instant noodles to simmer in molten chocolate. See how disgusting it is before giving it to the homeless man living the park.

While I was caught up in my thoughts, there came a whiff of burning caffeine and sugar.

"Uh oh… Yui-san… I think we burnt all the chocolate…"

"Ehhh!? Already!? But didn't we, like, buy ten kilos?"

I could imagine Komachi brought a finger to her chin and went deep in thought. "Didn't we buy ten kilos of onion dip? Or maybe we bought ten kilos of cream cheese… Komachi might have messed up. _Tehe!_"

How does one confuse chocolate with cream cheese or why one would need ten kilos of it is one of the Komachi Seven Mysteries. They say if you look into Hikigaya bathroom mirror and count backwards from seven she'll appear and say "~Oniichan! Get out of the bathroom! Komachi wants to comb her hair, _nyaa nyaa~_!"

"Well… you wanted to try as many as possible… and they're all gone now… so I guess we have to go to the store to get some!"

The two made their way into the living room as I was munching on my rice balls. Komachi took a seat beside me and elbowed me in the rib.

"And oniichan would be glad to go with us, right?"

"No, I wouldn't."

Another elbow sunk deeper into my diaphragm.

"He would be pleased to join us, _right_?"

My little sister's darkened face could give Rambo nightmares.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

The mall is a place for socialization, but a grocery store is a place of necessity. Because of the breadth of people it serves, there's a lot of human traffic. Grocery stores are naturally outside of my domain. They tend to be the tall grass of civilization. You never know when _A Wild Acquaintance!_ might pop out and you realize you've been poisoned without some Antidote.

If only you had a max repel.

Beyond the occasional visit to secure curry ingredients, the grocery store was a foreign experience for me. My mother was never very keen on shopping with others, preferring to do it by herself after work. If she had to take one of us, it would undoubtedly be my little sister.

We found ourselves walking to the local grocery store to pick up whatever supplies these two birdbrains were eager to get. Chocolate, milk… whatever. I figured I'd pick up some stuff to make curry. Holding the pack of instant curry in my hands and seeing the reflection of my rotten eyes, I suspected an addiction may have been developing.

Entering the grocery store, Komachi made a beeline for the candy and sweet aisle. My little sister was busy perusing the already pre-made chocolates. Hey now, weren't you guys supposed to buy pre-made chocolates?

"Hey," I called out.

"Hm? What is it brother?" Komachi had already gotten sucked deep into the darkness of the sweet and candy aisle. She completely ignored the makeshift ramparts of stacked boxes filled with chocolate and other cocoa delights.

"I…"

And Komachi was gone.

There are those out there who accuse me of having a sister complex, otherwise known as being a sis-con. The truth is most likely I have an overindulgent concern for my sister's well being that may cross into territories where irrational fears take over…

Like…

What if Komachi gets stuck in a vat of hot chocolate?

Or…

A thousand bunnies in heat descended upon her while the entire scene looks monochrome like an old noir movie…

Or maybe even…

Komachi ends up in a deserted alley and she acts as a bodyguard for two rival gangs occupying the meat and dairy aisles respectively. She then tries to help the poor produce aisle by setting up the two rival gangs against each other. Meat against milk. Milk against meat. She'll pit cheese against sausage and steak against cream until they destroy each other. Then in a final climactic confrontation with Boss Niku, she'll block the cartilage bullet with the hilt of her sword before nodding off to the now liberated townsfolk and walking off into the sunset.

Those kinds of morbid thoughts keep me up at night.

"Hey Hikki."

"_Ah_!" Yuigahama's voice made me jump. A bit of my masculine pride died with that scream.

"Haha! Did I scare you?" Yuigahama's face had a smile that made no secret of her pride in causing me to lose my composure, even if it was just for a moment.

"N-no," I lied. Yuigahama approached me, her hands hidden behind her back.

We were still in the vegetable aisle, as I had yet to fill my basket with appropriate curry ingredients.

"Don't you think Yukinon's been acting strange lately?" Yuigahama asked me quietly as she picked through some lettuce and radishes, looking as if she was unsure if they were edible in curry.

"Strange? I do suppose she's less abrasive than before but even acids run out of hydroxide ions eventually," I said, trying to apply a bit of my studies in my analogy.

"Hikki… acids donate protons. Bases donate hydroxide ions."

Someone shoot me. Yuigahama just corrected me in science.

"S-so you say…"

Yuigahama continued to pick through the produce absentmindedly while I examined two identical potatoes. I've seen many housewives battle in life or death struggles for savings on these things… but I'll eat a shoe if I could tell the difference between a good potato and a better potato.

"Ah, so like, you and Yukinon went to a wedding a few days ago?"

I froze. Rationality took over as my mind began going through the potential scenarios. How did Yuigahama find out? Think. Think. Government spying? Illegal wire tapping? Covert Ops? Oh. That's right. Komachi. Obviously it was her.

"Yeah."

"How was it?"

"The food was bad." Then again, I didn't eat any of it. So it's bad by default, right?

"Oh. Did they have something Western? You look like the kind of guy who'd like traditional…" Yuigahama's voice trailed off. She mumbled something as if she was taking note of it.

"No, Komachi just ate it all. It looked alright," I said throwing both potatoes into my basket. "I can't tell the difference between these two potatoes," I sighed. "It'd be nice to have someone to buy vegetables for me."

"Ah… so Hikki wants a girl who can shop for vegetables?" Yuigahama asked me as we went to the stacks of tomatoes.

A girl? They would just complain too much.

"A robot would work better than a girl. More work with less lip."

In a capitalistic society or Marxist theory or something don't they keep ranting on about labor cost? After a while, technology will bring down the cost of labor. Everything will eventually become automated so food is delivered by aerial drone and robots will cook for you. There's benefits to living in a stagnant post-industrial first world nation; pretty much everybody can start living like a _Hikki_-komori.

_Haha_. I crack myself up.

"Hikki…" Yuigahama said softly, reprimanding me. I wasn't sure if she was upset over my previous comment or my laughing in the store. "Your laughing is gross sometimes."

Guess spontaneous laughing stores at your own mental jokes do garner a few stares from concerned housewives.

"It would be nice to have someone cook for me though."

"Ah, so you're the kind who wants a girl who can cook?" Yuigahama asked, looking through the taros and bananas.

"Why girls? Robots seem to do everything a girl can do but better," I sighed.

"Hikki! There are things even robots can't do!"

"Like… what…?"

"Like-!"

Yuigahama's cheeks began swell in a puff with a distinct red hue. Obviously her mind wandered to more perverted things… as did mine. Then again, if I didn't know how soft something is, would I know if a fake thing was just as soft, if not softer?

"Come on," Yuigahama said as she took me by the sleeve and guided me to the cashier. "I'm hungry."

"What's this got to with me?" I asked as we waited in line behind a pair of old ladies discussing old lady things.

Yuigahama's cheeks puffed once again.

"Hikki!"

"What?"

Her eyes softened. Her gaze went down.

"You don't remember? You promised we could get some bread… back at the cultural festival."

I vaguely recall such an instance…

"And you have to pay!"

Somehow, that last part didn't sound like something I'd willingly offer.

Looking down at Yuigahama, I figured the day couldn't drag on any longer without.

"Couldn't we eat something else? I kind of want to eat some karaage."

"Karaage?" Yuigahama made a face. "That's a little… I don't really like it."

Woman. You did not just go there.

"And besides," Yuigahama added. "You promised me bread!"

"Agh…"

How could anyone turn down the salty delight that is fried chicken kara age? The look on Yuigahama's face sealed my fate. Seeing that I had no other choice, I sighed in resignation.

"Sure," I said. "Let's go to the bread restaurant or whatever."

"Hikki…"

"What is it now?"

"It's called a bakery."

Yuigahama said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Now I felt dumb.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

A Hikigaya always pays his debts.

Damn you, Zaimokuza. Why did something so cool had to have been said by you!?

The bakery was not that full, despite the Saturday lunch hours. It's a small family-owned one with a small lovebirds sign outside. This was prime time for service yet there wasn't that many customers. It was mostly high school students gathering around for cram sessions or couples on dates. Yuigahama and I didn't fit in at all, but I guess this place doesn't cater to a wide demographic. I imagine it'll go out of business in a week. Seriously, how long can a restaurant that just sells dessert last? At least offer some entrees!

Well, at least there were no animatronics or anything.

"Hikki!"

Maybe I was spoiling the atmosphere for the one Yuigahama Yui sitting across from me. Yuigahama ordered something overly sweet with powdered sugar while I picked a bun filled with red bean paste. Then again, she looked like eyeing both of our breadstuff. Maybe I'm not gross enough to spontaneously cause mold.

"This is so exciting!" Yuigahama said clapping her hands.

"It's bread."

"Yeah! But like, I've never tried it before, so it's a brand new experience." Bread is a new experience…? Seriously, you've been missing out on the development of civilization since at least the Bronze Age. "This is the sort of thing you need to understand, Hikki. Life is about experiencing new things!"

I rolled my eyes. Of course Yuigahama would be one of those people who believe in the optimistic way of seeing things."Experiences are a joke. You can get experiences out of a book. You've only got one lifetime, so why not spend it making sure your life doesn't become a tragedy?" My reply left Yuigahama staring at the table.

After a pause, Yuigahama looked up and replied.

"Sometimes you should follow your heart." Her response was short and to-the-point and had Yuigahama flustered. I'd be embarrassed to say that out loud, much less follow that idea.

I wonder how many couples had their relationships ruined by that very philosophy?

"Well, I guess we should eat, you know?" Yuigahama said full of glee as she chomped down on her sugary bun.

Sighing, I felt obligated to taste some of this pastry for which I had paid for. Taking my red bean paste bun, I was about to take a bite when I felt two hands cover my eyes.

"Gah! Who's there! Let me go! Let me go!"

Did I mention I'm not good with sudden bouts of darkness?

"Ara ara! What do we have here?"

My hands froze. My heart dropped. My skin crawled.

"It's been a while, Hikigaya-kun," Haruno-san sang. Her hands glided down from my eyes to my cheeks to my neck before finally resting on my shoulders. Her talons began clutching deep into my collarbone, as if she trying to suffocate me.

"Ah. Yeah." My voice was caught in my throat. I didn't really know what to say.

"Um… yahallo!"

As if sensing the mood, Yuigahama tried her best to sound enthusiastic.

"Ah, Gahama-chan! Haro haro! Are you two on a date?"

"Ah! No, I-! I was making chocolate and-"

"Chocolate? For Hikigaya-kun?"

"Ah!"

Yuigahama stuttered a half-baked response from the surprise question which Haruno-san assumed meant an affirmative.

"Ah… so you two are in _that_ kind of relationship?" Haruno-san elbowed me in the ribs. "That'd make Yukino-chan really sad, you know? Or maybe she'd actually be very happy…"

"No no!" Yuigahama was turning beet red. "I just… ah…"

"I'm her guinea pig," I interrupted. The look on Haruno-san's face made it seem like I was spoiling her mood. Her expression seemed to say: '_you're no one else's plaything but mine. Mine. And mine alone._' "Everyone else refused because they value their sanity and bowels enough to decline the chance of getting food poisoned."

"H-Hikki!"

"Oh?" Haruno-san turned her eyes towards me, completely ignoring Yuigahama's outburst. "Is that the situation?"

I nodded.

"Well, if Hikigaya-kun says so," she sighed.

"U-um…"

I turned my head towards the voice.

"Oh. You're here too?"

Due to the overwhelming presence of Yukinoshita Haruno, I had not noticed she had company.

"Hayato-kun?" Yuigahama said, looking around Haruno-san. "What are you doing here?"

Hayama gave an uneasy smile and scratched the back of his head. "Family matters," he finally said.

"O-oh," Yuigahama said. "So it's like that, huh…?"

"Ara ara!" Haruno-san clapped her hands together. "Doesn't this feel like déjà vu?"

Déjà vu? Well, now that I thought about it…

"Yes yes," Haruno-san continued, pulling up a chair. "It's just like that time at the restaurant. Don't you remember, Hayato-kun?"

"Y-yes, somewhat."

Hayama still looked uneasy as he too sat down. When I looked at him, he refused to meet my eyes.

"Ehehe," Yuigahama said nervously. "You guys should… order something, you know? The bread at this bakery is really good!"

"Oh? Well, I guess the quality should be good - it looks like a restaurant from the outside! Maybe they should call it a '_bread restaurant_'!"

Picking up a menu from the other table, Haruno-san began looking through the menu. "Now, I wonder what I want…" she muttered to herself with a slight glance in my direction.

Hayama remained quiet in his seat, looking right at the ground. Feeling the tension in the air, Yuigahama went back to eating her bread. Seeing that I could do nothing else, I did the same.

"Ara!"

I stopped in mid-bite.

Haruno-san snapped her fingers together. "I know what's missing from this déjà vu moment! We're missing someone!"

Oi…

"Just a moment!" Haruno-san said as she brought out her cellphone.

"A-ah…"

"Haruno-san, there's no need…"

Yuigahama and Hayama were both ignored as Haruno-san brought the receiver to her ear.

The busy bakery suddenly sounded very quiet despite all the noise.

"Hello?"

A voice came over the phone.

"Ah, Yukino-chan!"

"I'm hanging up."

"Wait, wait!" Haruno-san quickly said.

"… what?"

"You know the bakery? The one with the lovebirds on the store sign?"

"Yes I do. Why?"

Hey…

"Well, imagine my surprise when I saw Gahama-chan and Hikigaya-kun together!"

There was silence on the other end of the receiver.

"… I see," Yukinoshita finally said.

"Isn't that scandalous? And you know what, Hikigaya-kun was just telling me that Gahama-chan had been making him chocolate!"

"H-hey!"

Yuigahama's bread dropped on the table.

Haruno-san winked at her and mouthed '_I'm only teasing!_' before carrying on. "It's really a strange thing, you know. Looks like you have competition, Yukino-chan… ah! Do you want to talk with him?"

"I-"

"Okay, just a moment!"

The phone was thrust in my hand.

"Ah…"

I slowly raised it to my ear.

"I-it's not like that," I began. "Komachi was teaching Yuigahama how to cook chocolate and-"

"It does not concern me." Yukinoshita's voice was abrupt.

"Ah… okay. D-do you want to talk with Yuigahama?"

"I'm not feeling too well right now. Tell her I'll call her later."

"A-ah…"

"I hope you two have fun."

The phone clicked off. I looked towards Yuigahama.

"She said she'll call you later."

Yuigahama's eyes filled with relief and then slowly shifted to sadness. "O-okay," she said.

"Here." I pushed the cellphone back to Haruno-san. "Satisfied?"

"Ara ara… perhaps my teasing was too much?"

The plastic smile was back.

"Haruno-san, that's enough…" Hayato-kun said quietly.

"You know, our mother's being very strict with Yukino-chan right now," Haruno-san continued. "She hasn't been allowed outside of the mansion ever since that day…"

"Day?" Yuigahama's head tilted. "Did something happen between Yukinon and Yuki-mom?"

Haruno snickered, seemingly amused her mother's affectionate nickname name. "Ara, it's not my story to tell. But… I'm sure Hikigaya-kun can tell you all about it, ne?"

"H-Hikki can?" Yuigahama looked at me in confusion. "What does Hikki have to do with this?"

I kept my silence.

"Well…" Haruno-san's smile became wider. "Everything is Hikigaya-kun's fault, you know?"

Stop it already…

Haruno-san's looked at me. Her eyes were as cold as her smile.

"After all, Yukino-chan and our mother aren't on good terms _because_ of him."

I stood up.

"We're leaving," I said to Yuigahama.

"Ah? O-oh, okay!"

Despite still looking confused, Yuigahama bowed to both Haruno-san and Hayama. Not waiting anymore, I started to walk to the exit.

"Ara, ara…" Haruno-san cooed. "Good luck, Gahama-chan."

"E-eh?"

"Your chocolate for tomorrow," Haruno-san said with a Cheshire smile. "I get the feeling you're going to be spending all night on it, no? Valentine's day is tomorrow after all."

"Sounds like a waste of time."

The comment from my mouth was spoken before I even thought of it.

"Ahhh, so mean, Hikigaya-kun," Haruno-san said, pouting. "There's no such thing as a waste of time in the matters of the heart."

"I didn't get the memo."

Haruno-san sighed. "You know, Hikigaya-kun," she called out. "Our father actually likes you, but I think he expected something a little more from you on that day, though…"

I didn't turn around. "I'm not his plaything."

"Such a bitter answer," Haruno-san said, shaking her head. "But you know, that '_genuine_' thing you say that you're looking for…"

Flashes of a roller coaster in the midst of bright lights and snow flew through my head. And as they did I heard a voice that I hadn't heard since the day it was taken away.

"_Hikigaya-kun. Help me some day, okay?"_

"It's only a matter of time before Yukino-chan can't help you find it, ne?"

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Today was Valentine's Day.

The previous night, Yuigahama went home. She had something she wanted to do. It would take a lot of effort and time she says but in the end, she knows it'd be worth it.

And so I went home. I went to sleep. I woke up. Classes were boring as usual.

Cards and chocolates and confessions were given. The benefits of being alone in the world means nobody bothers you on these kinds of holidays. Nobody cares about me enough to hate me, so instead I'm ignored. Maybe the real inhumanity in the world isn't discrimination but apathy. People don't care enough about others. They only care enough for superficial appearances of giving chocolates to boost their social standing.

It's society's fault, not mine, that I am without chocolate today. Of course, that excludes the obligatory chocolate Isshiki threw at my head during passing period but it ended up being a caramel filled one that exploded upon contact with my ear. So apart from that, it's another chocolate-less year. So far it's an unbroken string of perfection, unlike the Undertaker's Wrestlemania streak.

I don't want chocolate from anyone at this school. There's no meaning to giving a dessert to a guy, especially as an expression of love. Chocolate companies have a scary propaganda machine although I think they're called public relations or marketing nowadays.

So here I am again. So far, the day has been uneventful.

The club room door was unlocked. Today, it wasn't empty.

My hand was shaking. I felt excited. Maybe I was expecting something… or _someone_.

I opened the door, hoping see a silhouette by the window, flicking through a book. I hoped to hear a cold voice address me in that vaguely warm way. I hoped… I hoped…

Why was I hoping?

I entered the room, looking for Yukinoshita.

Instead, all I saw was Yuigahama.

She was sleeping.

You should stop being so vulnerable, you know? What if some pervert came in here and saw you alone sleeping with your arms folded under your chin? You're revealing way too much nape on your neck… what if that guy had a fetish for Heian era princesses?

I went to my seat, only to realize Yuigahama had pulled her chair closer to my side of the table.

Yuigahama was resting right beside my seat. Tea had already been brewed and set between us. There were tea-snacks set out and our cups were neatly set. Steam was still floating through the pot, ready to be served.

But these things were among the last things I took notice of.

Because beside Yuigahama's sleeping figure laid a chocolate heart.

It was perfectly sculpted. It looked sweet and masterfully crafted.

The thought nagged me:

_Who was it for?_

Did Yuigahama receive it from some guy? No. Impossible. Girls don't receive chocolates in Japan on Valentines day. That means she must have bought it. I checked the sides, looking for a tag. There was no tag. For all of its beauty, there were some slight imperfections - blemishes that only added to the chocolate's greater beauty as a whole.

Holy sweet mother of… don't tell me…

_Yuigahama made this?_

Yuighama is serious about the guy she likes. She's resolved. If anything, what I observed from her in the previous day was merely the prelude. Yuigahama was napping. Did she stay up all night to make this? Maybe this is the work of a pure and noble heart like Yuigahama. What she lacks in talent, she makes up for in spirit and energy. She is the sledgehammer whereas Yukinoshita is the scalpel. Yukinoshita prefers perfection in application, whereas Yuigahama applies an overwhelming force.

The chocolate must be too sweet.

Holding the chocolate in my hands, whoever this was for, I bet that person didn't want to receive it.

Whoever this chocolate was for, didn't want it.

I kept telling this to myself, over and over again. Start with small lies, because if you keep telling yourself them long enough they become the truth.

And the truth is, whoever this person is, didn't want this chocolate.

That person must hate chocolate. He must hate receiving chocolate. This wasn't the chocolate that person wanted.

Looking at, it was an abomination on my hands. Whoever this chocolate was for, I was doing it for me. The singular thought echoed throughout all my consciousness.

_It had to be destroyed._

Other people don't factor into my life. Nobody else factors in my life but me. My methods are superior to Yukinoshita's in that regard. They get the desired outcome, with nobody suffering. That's the truth.

I raised the chocolate high above my head.

The chocolate crashed on the ground.

It shattered into a million little pieces.

Momentary sense of power crept into my thoughts. Was this how Moses felt when he parted the sea? Was this how Jesus felt when he commanded thousands in awe? Looking upon the shattered remnants of the chocolate laid on the floor, I smirked. I was a god who smoted the accursed item, one that would only lead to torment and misery.

I'm a monster.

"H-Hikki?"

Yuigahama did a yawn that felt a bit too long to be natural.

"Hikki…" Yuigahama began softly. "Did you see who did this?"

There was no surprise in her voice, only a hint of sadness.

"I didn't."

"Okay."

She knows.

"I must have left it too close to the edge of the table."

Yuigahama knows.

"Then when I must have been moving my sleep and it fell off… and… and… aha… like, I stayed up way too late last night. I was even snoozing in class but you probably didn't notice me in the back…"

Yuigahama has to know, because Yuigahama is suffering.

I am Yuigahama's broken heart.

"I was happy… I'm horrible… I'm horrible… I was so happy…" Yuigahama whimpered through her sleeves. Her voice cracked and paused. Deep breaths and mucus made her voice hoarse. "I was just so happy."

What she was happy about, I didn't understand.

"Wh-when… the letter to Hayato-kun… when I found out it was from Yukinon… I was just so happy. It felt like a weight was like, lifted, you know? Like suddenly I wasn't so afraid anymore. I felt… I felt like… like I could do anything."

Her sleeves descended from her face and her eyes met mine. A wet smile looked at me.

"I'm horrible to be so happy over such a silly thing like that, right?"

There's a certain sense of closure with self-fulfilling prophecies. People like to be in control. Control makes people have a sense of direction in their miserable everyday lives. The world is full of idiots who, deliberately or in their otherwise blissful ignorance, will do everything in their power to irritate you.

There's solace in self-destruction.

If you know you're going to fail, there's no need to worry. Want to get into Toudai? Forget it. Accept you're a pathetic loser who procrastinated one too many times and can't study to save his life. And so when you're standing there in the crowd of people and you don't see your name - you'll have a bit of satisfaction in knowing you didn't fail to get into Toudai, you _chose_ not to get into Toudai. You answered all 'B' on the multiple choice section and wrote a series of homoerotic haikus in the free response portions.

For a brief moment in time, you are a master of a particular segment of the universe.

And so, as Yuigahama and I stood over the shattered chocolate, I felt that sense of completion.

Yuigahama's eyes were averted from mine and her bangs covered her lowered face. She had a smile on her lips.

"I planned to give the chocolate to the guy I like…"

Yuigahama knelt to the ruins of the chocolate disaster. She selected a small piece, fragile and chipped. It resembled a jagged piece of black rock.

"There's a guy I like… haha, is it strange? Even I, like, have someone I admire, you know?" Yuigahama stated with a smile.

I merely nodded.

"Haha! You know Yukinon's been like, telling me to study more… and I have. I must have read up on at least twenty magazines on how to make chocolate," Yuigahama said with a smile. "I stayed up all night to make this. Bah, I must have watched a thousand videos online over and over… but it's not enough, ne? If only… if only I had Yukinon's talent. Maybe then I wouldn't have been so clumsy…"

Yuigahama was blaming herself.

It's a natural defense mechanism: blame talent instead of effort. Everybody thinks they've tried their best when it was never really about that. No matter how hard a rat tries, it'll never be allowed in a kitchen. No matter how much a toy desperate wants to remain relevant - eventually it's owner will tire of it. Life is like a boat, and it will keep on rowing gently down the stream without you.

"Still," Yuigahama said softly, her eyes gazing the unfinished piece of chocolate I returned to her hands. "Still…"

And with a decisive determination, Yuigahama looked at me and made a declaration:

"I'll keep trying!"

The look of determination of something a girl like Yuigahama Yui wouldn't put on so easily. Yuigahama's the kind of girl who had accepted herself as average and modest in all categories. She's smart but lacks Yukinoshita's raw intellectual powerhouse mind. She's pretty but is unlike Miura who uses her beauty to reach others or has a heart stoppingly cute face like Totsuka. Yuigahama's personality is overshadowed by Ebina's and if what's-her-name-Saki's taste in undergarments is anything to go by, Yuigahama is beat by her in fashion.

But what she lacks in peculiar qualities, she has something special: _she's a nice girl_.

Someone more honest and real than Orimoto Kaori ever was. Maybe Yuigahama's the most normal girl there is.

But there are no good endings with nice girls.

She lifted the piece of chocolate up. Black stains had already begun greasing her slender fingertips. The piece of chocolate was raised to my lips.

"Please try it," Yuigahama pleaded.

The chocolate was pressed against my lips.

The sweetness of the chocolate and the salty fingertips. Yuigahama's nail grazed against my lower lip, causing me shudder. For all the miracles in this world, none surprised me more than how the chocolate tasted. It tasted like springtime. There was a hint of flowers and a sweetness that would cause tooths to ache.

It was…

"It's bad."

Yuigahama continued to smile. "Haha!" The laughter was forced. "It's a good thing I didn't get to give the chocolate to the guy… he'd probably hate it…" Her shoulders began to shake. "He'd p-probably…"

Her voice began to crack.

"He'd say '_no_'. Absolutely. Definitely."

My answer floated through the air for a while and lingered even after the words had escaped my lips.

Yuigahama kept up her smile with the strength that should crush mortal souls.

Yuigahama must think that she's the worst.

She's wrong.

I'm the worst.

Hikigaya Hachiman is the worst being beneath the heavens. Everything's right with the world.

"H-hey Hikki…"

"What is it?"

"R-remember… do you remember that you promised to help Yukinon no matter what?"

The thought flooded back to me. Yuigahama in her kimono as we were walking after the fireworks. The words spoken that day were in that alley lit by blue streetlamps with a vending machine.

"Yeah."

"Remember to keep it, okay? That's my request to you, _interim_-President of the Service Club. Haha!"

Yuigahama's voice broke down in the laughter. Her smile quivered before me. Her smile looked so delicate, like a freshly molded piece of glass that could shatter with the slightest winter breeze.

It's hard to say '_no_' when the mood works against you.

Looking away from Yuigahama's undoubtedly smiling face, I stood next to her. It would have been so easy, but I made no move to comfort her. During times of distress, people want to be held or touched. Physical reassurance helps sooth the nerves. It tells people that they're still wanted. In a world that continues to move, it's a calming reassurance to know that that someone will always stay by your side.

Instead I walked away.

"I'll do my best," I whispered, closing the door behind me.

When opportunity knocks, you open the door. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. These are sweet nothings you to say to people to make them feel better. You offer advice you don't follow. You give them ideals you've never acted on. Everyone lies. Some people just embrace that darkness in their heart.

And…

… and people aren't people because they can reason or because they can talk. People are people because they can suffer. Life is suffering. Some live their lives in mute happiness punctuated by brief periods of grief. Others live in constant agony until the day they die. Others are slaves resigned to their fate and others are taskmasters who only suffers the blisters from abusing their whips and the wounded pride of an unfaithful spouse.

Still…

… still, some people are pure. Sometimes life opens doors of opportunities to meet these pure hearted people. Sometimes they close, forever lost, their kind never to be seen again.

I…

… I didn't look back. The sounds of my footsteps grew louder and louder as the sobs grew quieter and quieter. I walked further and further away from that shut door.

And behind that closed door was Yuigahama Yui picking up the broken pieces of her heart.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

_Still, Yuigahama Yui tries to make Chocolate Fin_

**Next Chapter: **_And so, He Speaks to Everyone but Her_


	7. Everyone But Her

**Summary:** _Valentines' Day - a day of love, pink, and chocolates. In the spirit of the coming holiday, Hiratsuka-sensei gives her Modern Japanese periods an assignment: write a love letter. So naturally, Hikigaya writes a love letter to the person he loves the most._

_Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru_

_Chapter 7_

**And so, He Speaks to Everyone but Her**

**oO oOoOo Oo**

I've been having these thoughts lately. Like, is any of this real or not? [1] Perhaps I am a God - a God of Destruction - and my consorts are woe and treachery. Everything King Midas [2] touched turned to gold: everything I touch turns to ruin.

The threads between people are fragile. It's a curious twist that time hardens these threads into unbreakable bonds - like two electrons swirling in perfect symphony of covalence. It is a state of perfect balance.

When these bonds are broken, those connected suffer.

It is human nature to seek culpability in a time of suffering. When things don't go a certain way, people find ways to place blame. But to point at a single source of error is ridiculous. To judge others, stupidity.

But you can judge yourself. You can always judge yourself.

_Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa._ [3]

Then again, maybe nothing was destroyed at all.

If it never existed, if it was like the reflection of the moon in the water, could such an illusion be destroyed? Can the ideal cease to exist in the face of reality?

"Onii-chan, is that you?"

A light flicked on in the room. It was my adorable little sister, Komachi, who walked in rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah. It's a me." My feigned Italian plumber accent did little to warm the mood. I was sitting on the couch. It was late when I got back. I didn't feel like going home, so I biked. I don't know where I went, I just biked.

"Have you eaten?"

I nodded.

Komachi let out a frustrated sigh. "You could have let Komachi know, you know? Onii-chan's so unfair to his little sister sometimes…"

"Sorry." I didn't mean to forget.

"Yes, yes," Komachi said, waving her hand in front of her face. She took a glass out of the dishwasher and went to the sink. "Just take what Komachi cooked for you for lunch tomorrow." She turned the tap on.

"Meat. Lots of it. Please and thank you."

Still staring off to space, I wanted to eat something that had a mother. Maybe I just like the thought of knowing my food suffered. Now that I think about it, farms are basically genocidal camps for vegetables. Systematic and brutally efficient - with each motion dictated by the seasons and perfectly executed.

That kind of life - did I secretly wish to be a brocolli?

They say that humans feel regret because they feel guilt. One cannot exist without the other. Both emotions are supposed to serve as reminders for the wrongdoings of the user. It eats at them from the inside. It destroys them. It's a reminder of who they truly are. Weak. Disgusting. Vile. Regret is the true reflection of what it means to be human.

"Onii-chan, you're creeping Komachi out."

A hand waved in front of my face. Komachi stood in front of me with her other hand wrapped around a cup of tea.

"Sorry."

"Sorry?" When someone says 'sorry?' back to you - it means apology unaccepted. Komachi plopped down beside me. She blew on her drink causing the steam to float towards my direction and itch my nose. "Onii-chan, you're being OOC."

"OOC? Me?"

Out-of-characterness doesn't exist. Submitting yourself to archetypes is to act under society's hegemony. Everybody is in character until the day they die. If anything, being dead is the most out-of-character one can be.

"Un," Komachi nodded. "Usually Komachi would be victim to one of your disgusting talks or something."

Ouch. I think I just got knocked out by Komachi's signature one-inch punch.

"So?" Komachi put her glass down. "What's bothering onii-chan?"

"Well…"

"It's… hard to explain."

"Is it something to do with Yukino-san?"

"Huh?"

I looked at Komachi. Was she a mind reader?

"Jiiiiiiiiiii…" Komachi looked at me closely. "No… Yukino-san is part of the problem, but onii-chan seems to be disturbed by something… else… ah! It was Yui-san!"

Definitely. She was definitely a mind reader.

"Ah!" Komachi's eyes narrowed. "Onii-chan…" she said, "you didn't do something H to Yui-san, did you?"

"W-wha-? No!"

"Because I found Yukino-san's note, and I've seen your collection…"

So that's where Yukinoshita put the- hey! That's my property!

"Look," I sighed. "It wasn't anything like that, okay?"

"Komachi knows that."

"Then why did you ask?"

"Because Komachi wanted to tease onii-chan! Oooooh, that was really high on Komachi points!"

Komachi's smile was brighter than a Christmas tree. She elbowed me in the ribs all while repeating 'High score! High score!'. Having enough, I reached over and used one of the best of my 108 techniques - 'Unrelenting Tickle'.

"Onii-chan, wa-wait!"

Komachi may be the favored offspring in the family, but that only meant I had to learn to win my fights underhandedly. Chivalry is from a bygone era. Rewards goes to the victors regardless of how dirty they play. That's just the kind of world we live in.

Maybe it's not the world Yukinoshita Yukino would want, though.

"Okay, okay! No points for Komachi! No points!"

Satisfied with her submission, I scooted back. Komachi was curled up in a ball, still giggling in the aftermath.

"I win," I said smugly. "That means a very high boost in Hachiman points."

"Yes, yes," Komachi said, righting herself. "Onii-chan sexually assaulted his younger sister in order to ensure a victory. I can see it now… 'An unnamed student, named Student A, from the Chiba area has been arrested for the most heinous of crimes...'"

"W-wait, agh…" Oi, oi, I already told you that I'm not a sis-con!

"But anyways," Komachi said. "Casualties aside, onii-chan seems to be better now, ne?"

"Hm?"

"It's a little disgusting, though. Komachi's not used to seeing onii-chan smile."

… heh. Wait… is my smile some kind of ill omen!?

"I'll buy you some melon pan [4] tomorrow."

"Hooray!" Komachi cheered, throwing her arms over her head. Excellent, olive branch extension plan successful. When all else fails, bribe your younger sibling with food. You do not conquer enemies with blood or steel but by taking their language and their stomachs.

My little sister is too cute that I couldn't believe it.

"And uh… about what happened with Yuigahama-"

Komachi held up her hand. "No."

"Huh?"

So that's her plan? Attempt to lower my guard so she could interject the question innocently and I would respond casually and without thinking? Ha. Too many years as an older brother has made me immune to such attempts.

Besides, it's not her fault.

Komachi shook her head. "Komachi doesn't need to know."

"You don't?"

"Unless onii-chan wants to tell Komachi, then she won't force him to."

…

"Thanks."

"Besides," Komachi said. "Komachi is sure that whatever onii-chan did, there had to be a valid reason, ne?"

"I'm not so sure about that."

"Then in that case, apologize to Yui-san when you see her again! Onii-chan's such an idiot - honestly, there's not going to be any girl who would want to marry you. Mom and dad might have to put you on a train to a sanitorium."

Is she comparing me to Jiro Horikoshi? [5]

"Oi oi, keep insulting me like that and you won't get your melon pan…"

"Ack! Onii-chan, you're so mean!"

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black…

Ruffling her hair, I told her, "Go to bed."

"Yes, yes…" Komachi yawned, standing up. "Goodnight, onii-chan!"

And as Komachi closed the door behind her, I was once again alone in the now lit-up room.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

The rumors about Hayama Hayato and Yukinoshita Yukino haven't died down at all.

There's a saying that a lie gets halfway around the world before the truth gets its pants on. I think Lincoln might have said that. Or Einstein. Actually, it might have been Miyamoto Musashi… well, it was probably some guy who has a lot of slander associated with his name… maybe some AKB48 idol? Who knows.

The point is, rumors travel fast and die hard.

The lifespan of the rumors were aided greatly by the fact that the two persons of interest had not been attending school. Yuigahama was dealing with it as expected: nervously shrugging off any probing question. Miura was also behaving as expected. She was mad. Constantly mad. Like, earth-shatteringly, mind-numbingly, mad. Perhaps she should begin building an altar to Khorne. [6]

Ebina cried in her little corner over the failed Hayama x Hachiman ship.

Well regardless the greater masses still held the topic in great interest. The teacher wasn't doing well to help either, since every question on where the two have been was met with the same answer:

"Family business."

That's the sort of stuff that lets imaginations go fanatical. Cliques rose and fell as whatever new tidbit of information made waves throughout. Theories ranged from the sheer impossible (Hayato-kun is actually a female and Yukinoshita=san is a male!) to the ridiculous (I heard Yukinoshita-san was adopted and her parents were cats) to the plain plausible (Hayato-kun's more fond of men).

But the rumors that unsettled me the most was the one I found hardest to deny:

(_Maybe Yukinoshita and Hayato are engaged? Hehe! Maybe they've eloped!_)

The gossiping children expected nuptials.

Whatever the arrangement was, it still kept the two of them on top of their homework. The teacher would occasionally praise Hayama even if he wasn't there - suggesting he must have been doing the homework with the same 'let's-put-our-best-foot-forward!' attitude. Seriously though, instead of motivating us - I just felt bad that our quiz scores and assignments were getting dominated by an absentee student.

At least there were no rumors at home. Home was a moment's reprieve and kept the winter weather out.

Despite it being lunchtime, the classroom was still packed. It was raining outside. What a shame. Then again, it wasn't like I was going to go out in the cold. I'd already finished Komachi's leftovers. It was great. I swear that little sister of mine spoils me too much. But with now nothing to do, I'd begun listening in on other people's conversations.

And then, I just so happened to hear…

"Oi, oi. Has anyone heard from Hayato?"

Virgin Ooka once again shows why he's a minor character.

"I don't know, man. Hayato's been really secretive lately, you know?" said the overly friendly Tobe. "It's like he's turned into… Hikitani-lite or something."

There's only one version of me. And for the last time, who the heck is Hikitani?

"H-Hikitani and H-Hayato-kun…" was all Ebina managed before she collapsed onto her desk, mourning the loss of her OTP.

Miura was quietly staring out the window. She seemed to be entranced by the raindrops falling down the glass.

It was times like this that the influence of Hayama Hayato became rather noticeable. He was the glue that kept the group together. Without him, they all just started falling apart. It's like pack of beasts maintained only by the presence of the alpha male. All others in the pack are subservient to the alpha's leadership and existence. Without the alpha, they'll collapse and the facade of structure and orderly society is gone.

And then they become savages.

"U-um…" Yuigahama spoke up. "I… I heard from Yukinon that-"

"_Her_?" Miura's voice was colder than the weather. "What did _she_ have to say about Hayato-kun?"

"N-nothing! It was just-"

"Then _why are we talking about her_?"

"I-"

"Honestly," Miura said, glaring at Yuigahama. "Learn to read the situation."

"_Then let me finish!_"

The class room fell quiet. Miura looked like she was slapped in the face. Yuigahama… Yuigahama looked…

"Unfair…" Yuigahama's eyes were glued to her lap. Her hands were shaking. "Yumiko's… really unfair sometimes, you know?"

There is an old truth in the world - that everybody has their limits. No matter how nice someone is, patience is not limitless. Chip and chip and chip away at it, and eventually all that's left is raw emotion.

"I was saying…" Yuigahama said quietly. "Yukinon told me the other day that her family's holding a gala at her house. A lot of her family's friends will be there. And since… since Hayato-kun is a childhood friend of Yukinon's, I was just thinking…"

The silence was unsettling. Everyone must have been shocked that Yuigahama was angry at Miura. 'She's nice!' they say. 'She would never do anything like that!'. They're wrong. Just like I was wrong. Nice girls are nice girls. Yuigahama is Yuigahama. They aren't the same thing. They're homonyms, but they have different meanings. They're synonyms, but their definitions vary. A nice girl is always like Yuigahama, but Yuigahama isn't always like a nice girl.

No.

Yuigahama Yui was just a girl.

And right now, she's…

"Yumiko's really unfair." Yuigahama's voice was trembling. "More people hurt than just Yumiko, you know? I get that everyone's all confused and upset by what's happening, but even I-!"

Yuigahama looked up and met my eyes. They were shining, just like that day on the lantern-lit road underneath the night sky.

"Even I…"

Yuigahama stood up. "Sorry," she managed before running out the door. The slam echoed through the silent classroom.

"Y-Yui!" Ebina stood up. "Yumiko, come!"

"U-uh-" Miura was stunned. Something that looked like remorse was forming in her eyes. "I… I-"

"You need to apologize!"

"… right."

The door slammed again as the girls ran out. It was still silent.

"What's wrong with her?" Yamato asked.

"I dunno," Tobe said, scratching his head. "Wait… could it be… could it be that Yui-chan likes Hayato too?"

And then the classroom exploded.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

"Hikigaya."

"Mm?"

Last period had come and gone. Yuigahama never returned to class. Miura and Ebina came back empty handed. Despite Hiratsuka-sensei's best efforts, the class paid no attention to her teaching, too busy gossiping about the possibilities of a love triangle.

Humans are stupid like that. Rumors are rumors, right? No. Do you know why humans hate looking in mirrors? Do you know why they always complain about their reflection? It's because the reflection is who they truly are, and they refuse to admit that. Humans are sick. Humans are twisted. Humans are what they hate. Ignorance is bliss. It allows them to feel that they're important to the world. It allows them to feel that they're all the sun in their own little solar system.

And that is why humans are stupid. That is why they always will be stupid.

"Ack!"

A fist slammed the top of my head.

"W-what was that for?"

"Don't space out on me!" Hiratsuka-sensei snapped before rubbing her temples. "The troubles of youth, I swear."

Don't take your frustrations about aging out on me!

"So?" Hiratsuka-sensei leaned against the desk in front of me. "What's wrong?"

"Beats me."

"Don't give me that," Hiratsuka-sensei exhaled. "The three of you have been weird ever since the Cupid Express."

Why the heck did they even call it the Cupid Express? It just sounds like a disaster - like one of those old Western films where the mustached villain ties and bounds a defenseless damsel in front of a speeding locomotive. Life is the rails and the train is a big, black, metallic cold slap of reality.

"I'm telling you, it's all in your head…"

"Do you want me to punch you again?"

"Isn't the obvious answer _no?_"

Punch.

"Sometimes you're quite the masochist," she said.

Indeed. Maybe I'm just yearning for punishment.

Folding her arms and crossing her legs, Hiratsuka-sensei waited expectantly. Damn. And here I thought I could get out of this… still, this unmarried teacher of mine did give good advice from time to time.

"I've made a terrible mistake."

"That's to be human. There's nothing wrong with making mistakes. I mean, if you want to talk about terrible mistakes then agreeing to let a guy move in with you after the first date is-"

"I think I've made a big one."

"Did you knock a girl up?"

"No…?"

"You're going to have to try harder then." Hiratsuka-sensei then took out a pack of smokes and lit one up before puffing out a perfectly formed ring. "Youth is the time for mistakes."

"Mistakes are errors. Youth is just an excuse. As long as you're rational-"

"Humans aren't rational. That's the simple truth."

"We can be perfectly rationa-"

"Humans as a whole aren't rational, Hikigaya. We're stupid, incoherent masses of storm and stress. We strike each other. We claw at each other. We make each other bleed. And all for what? Because we are scared or we hate or we fail to understand. If we were rational beings we wouldn't be fighting with each other and we'd just eat nutrient porridge everyday."

"… you have a point."

"Of course I do," Hiratsuka-sensei sighed. "So, what's this big mistake?"

"I…" I paused. "I think I've burned a bridge with someone."

"I see… and?"

"Things are different now. They're not the same. Maybe I wanted something different, or I wanted more of the same - but I couldn't stand the way things were going."

"I still don't see the problem, Hikigaya."

"What do you mean? The bridge is burnt. There's no crossing it anymore."

A soft, sincere smile spread over Hiratsuka-sensei's face. She began humming, "Nobody knows who I really am…"

"That's the old ending theme. You're really showing your age."

"Hey, life is like a boat."

"Are you really taking life lessons from an anime?" [7]

Hiratsuka-sensei crossed her arms and smirked in delight.

"When bridges fall down, we don't leave their ashes as monuments to our failures," she said. "We pick up the pieces, examining what we did wrong. We learn from our mistakes. You're not a savage beast or a monster that doesn't learn. You have hands and feet and a heart in the right place."

…

"What do you want me to do?" I finally said.

"I don't want you to do much. Then again, what I want doesn't matter. Do what you want - that's how people should live their lives. But you're going to have a bad time living a life alone, Hikigaya."

"I've lived alone for most of my life."

"Can you go back to that?"

_No._

Hiratsuka-sensei didn't need to hear me say it to know my answer.

"Mend the broken bridges, kiddo. Or rebuild them. Whichever one takes more work. The only time that's late is never. That or if the guy already found a new woman he's shacking up with… _argh!_"

"Why should I do the one that takes more work…?"

Hiratsuka-sensei leaned forward and rapped me on the head. "Because the good things that last in life don't come easy, idiot."

"That's the second time someone's called me an idiot in less than 24 hours."

"Then that other person's much smarter than me." Hiratsuka-sensei stood up and stretched. "If you're going to do what I think you're going to do, she's already borrowed the key."

"Thanks. Oh, and by the way…"

"Hm?"

"In your desperate effort to look cool in front of a student, did you forget that you can't smoke in the classroom?"

"Nyack! I completely forgot!"

Shaking my head, I walked away as Hiratsuka-sensei began opening all the windows. Honestly, there was just no middle ground when it comes to this teacher.

I was about to stride out the door before I heard it.

"Hikigaya."

"Yeah?" I stopped and turned around. Hiratsuka-sensei was looking at me with something like a deep sadness lurking in her eyes.

"You can't save everyone all the time."

**oO oOoOo Oo**

I was on my way to the club room when I felt someone bump my shoulder.

"Senpai…"

The voice was like the purr of a cat but the aggressiveness of a wolf-dog.

"What?"

"You're so mean, senpai…" Isshiki Iroha ran in front of me and started walking backwards. "Is it wrong for a kouhai to see her senpai after so long?"

Just about as wrong as it is to pick up girls in a dungeon. [8] Seriously, must all main protagonists of harem anime these days be so generic and stupid?

"Sorry, I'm busy."

"Yes, yes," Isshiki sighed. "I'm busy too, thanks to a certain someone making me student council president. But hey, at least I _try_ to keep up with other people."

Shade. Shade everywhere.

"Anyway senpai, where are you headed?"

"The club room."

"Oh?" Isshiki cocked her head. "You're still having meetings even though Yukinoshita-senpai's not around?"

"Something like that."

"Oho…" Isshiki's eyes narrowed. Oi, oi, get your mind out of the gutter! "Well then! Since I'm heading that way, I'll walk with you."

"Sure."

We walked in silence. Hiratsuka-sensei's words were still bouncing around in my head. 'You can't save everyone all the time'. That woman had said something similar to me back at the cultural festival. What did she mean by that? Does she know something I don't? Right now, the only person I'm trying to save is me.

"Senpai, you're looking a little down."

"I am?"

"Yeah, you look a little more disgusting than usual."

Should I be worried that I'm desensitized to these insults?

"Well… some things have happened," I said offhandedly. "What about you?"

Isshiki blinked. "Me?"

"The Cupid Express…" I stopped.

"Yes…"

"W-weren't you sad Hayama got confessed to by Yukinoshita…?"

Isshiki tilted her head curiously. "Was I?"

"Y-you looked hurt, that's all…"

"Eep!" Isshiki jumped backwards in a defensive position. "What are you doing? Are you stalking me? Were you waiting for an opportunity to confess? That's kind of creepy. Sorry, I already have someone I like. He's smart and athletic, so he's really hurting your chances to go out with me right now."

"Hurting zero chances is a thing? Am I hitting negative percentages?"

"Senpai." Isshiki began rubbing her forehead in feigned annoyance. "Please study up on your statistics. There are no such thing as negative percentages. I fear you won't be able to get into a good university and get a decent job. How are you going to support my spending habits without a proper job?"

"What am I? Your serf?" [9]

Isshiki eyed me mischievously. "If I had it my way, you'd be something way worse!"

That's not how you soften the idea of enslavement!

"Still," Isshiki said thoughtfully. "It's weird that senpai noticed something like that, though."

"I'm perceptive."

"Ehhhh…"

We finally arrived outside the club room's door.

"Well then," Isshiki said. "As much as I'd love to stay and chitchat I've got official student council president business to take care of!"

"Good luck with those then."

Puffing up her cheeks, Isshiki closed the distance between our faces. "Don't forget, senpai, it was you who got me knocked up with this responsibility in the first place."

K-knocked up with this responsibility? I'm not the father. I'm definitely not the father!

"So… senpai… you better take responsibility, when the time comes, okay?"

"W-wait-!"

And so Isshiki Iroha ran off to do her duties.

"That girl. Honestly…"

With a sigh, I turned around and found myself outside the service club once more.

"Okay…"

I slid open the door.

"H-Hikki?"

Yuigahama was sitting, framed by the setting sun. Her eyes widened before she rubbed them on her sleeve.

"Y-yo…"

"Un," Yuigahama mumbled. When she showed me her face again, there was a smile on it. "Yahallo… ne?"

The air was still. To be honest, I think that neither of us quite knew what to say. I looked down. There were still shards of melting chocolate on the ground. It was difficult to do anything more than grit my teeth.

"Ah!" Yuigahama noticed what I was looking at. "S-sorry! I didn't clean up properly… ehehe…"

"It's okay. It's my fault, after all."

"No, no!" Yuigahama shook her head. "It was mine! I was clumsy and the chocolate fell a-and…"

Lies are beautiful things. Accepting it as a truth grants yourself ignorance. But in that ignorance you're allowed to see things the way you wish for them. It's the thirst for optimism and happiness that causes humans to embrace these lies. Yuigahama Yui and Hikigaya Hachiman both knew what happened yesterday, but Yuigahama Yui chooses to believe in the façade. She chooses to believe because the alternative hurts her.

"U-um…" Yuigahama said. "C-could… is it possible that we can forget that yesterday ever happened? I-I mean… it's kind of like, awkward now, you know?" She cast her stare to the ground. "I'm sorry for putting you in that kind of position…"

"No. I can't accept that."

"W-what do you mean?"

"We can't pretend that it never happened because it did. We…"

Lies are indeed beautiful things, but the truth of the matter is, is that lies do more harm than good. They provide a temporary save haven, but that's the thing. They're temporary. That's why… that's why it'd be better for people to rely on the truth… to rely on what's… genuine.

"… we should be more honest with each other."

"Y-yeah." Yuigahama sounded sad. "I guess… I guess you're right, ehehe…"

"Sorry."

"No, no." Yuigahama gave a smile. "It's just like you said, you know?"

"… yeah."

The tension in the air started to decrease. The club room itself started to feel warmer.

"You know…" I said, scratching the back of my head. "I still owe you a trip to the theme park."

Yuigahama's ears perked up.

"Y-yeah! We should all go together!"

"All?"

"Mmhmm!" Yuigahama nodded with a bright smile. "You, me, and Yukinon, ne?"

"… yeah. All of us."

One of humanity's many regrets on their deathbed is wishing that they could do things over again. It's like they hope that life is made of multiple saves, and they can access a previous entry and start again. Maybe this time they could do it right. Maybe this time thing would be okay. Maybe. Just maybe, if given another chance, then their life could have turned out better.

I've toyed with this idea in my head for quite some time. What could have happened if I could redo things? Maybe I wouldn't be who I am now. Once upon a time I would have been happy with that. Even now, a part of me is relieved at the thought, but…

But…

Everything I've done. All of the mistakes I've made… they've all led me here. If I hadn't been who I was and done what I did, then I wouldn't have met any of the people I know now. And… and most of all…

If I had done things differently, then I wouldn't have ended up in this room a year ago, with chairs stacked at the back, a table set out in the middle, and a lone girl reading a book by the window.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

It was Friday night. I'd beaten every game on my PSP and whatever games I had left lounging around. The monotony of the day had gotten to me where I even began studying. I imagine if I carry on studying through Saturday that I'll perform admirably on the science tests this time around.

Saturday… spent studying…

Somehow I felt my youthful school life was not how I imagined…

The phone rang.

Only after I had accepted the phone call without checking who it was, did I realize how quickly I leaped towards the device. I banged my shin on the coffee table. It hurt, but at least I didn't stub my toe.

The cold glass frame pressed against my ear. Only then did I wonder who had called me.

"Haro haro!"

Oh.

"What is it?"

It didn't mean to come out cold, but my mouth was working on its on.

"You're mean, Hikigaya-kun!" Yukinoshita Haruno pouted. "Are you still annoyed about the bakery? Or perhaps you're still upset about the wedding reception? Ara ara, you're awfully effeminate - holding grudges isn't good you know? What if you become a ghost that haunts a video?"

If I was going to haunt anything, I haunt the most antisocial gamer in the world and make him have to date girls or else he will die. At least then it'd be entertaining. [10]

"What do you want?"

For reasons beyond my consciousness, I actively changed the subject.

Haruno-san sighed. "I just wanted to check up on my ex-brother-in-law, you know?"

"Ex? I never was your brother-in-law."

"Yes, yes! And you never will be."

Her voice struck a chill through my room. I could almost see that plastic smile in my mind.

_They all have the same smile._

"But you looked like such a fool back then!" Haruno-san laughed. "You were so ridiculous, Hikigaya-kun. Too funny! If mother and father weren't seated right there, I'd have laughed on the spot. You know how hard it was to keep a straight face through all of that?"

"I was sick…"

"Anyways," Haruno-san said, completely ignoring me. "My mother detests you. Hehe! If you had asked, you might have gotten a chance to marry Yukino-chan. Because then when you're my brother-in-law, my mother can dedicate every single day to making you want a divorce."

"I'd sign the papers right away," I scoffed.

"But wouldn't that make her sad?"

"Why would your mother be…?"

"Are you still sick, Hikigaya-kun? Because you're slow today~"

Oh. She didn't mean her mother. Wait… why-?

"Anyways, father still likes you," Haruno-san said. I could just picture the tooth-filled smile as she said it. "Maybe you can meet him at the mansion… ah… but I'm not allowed to invite any friends to the garden party. _Fooey!_"

Mansion? Friends? Garden Party? I think Yuigahama might have mentioned it…

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, you see… ah."

There was silence at the other end. I heard scuffling and people talking in the background… one was Yukinoshita Haruno… and the other was…

"… _Hikigaya-kun?_"

There was a loud bang, like a table got knocked over. Then came a lot of heavy breathing and shouting in the background before there was the sound of a door being slammed. Was Haruno-san being chased? There was a lot of screaming…

Wait…

Am I witnessing a murder via phone call?

"H-hey…" I said. "Are you okay? Hey! Are you there-?"

"Sorry!" Haruno-san sounded breathless, like she had just run around the world in 80 days. [11] "I was eating a delightful slice of salmon but it fell onto the floor."

"Like hell it did!"

Yukinoshita Haruno isn't a United States President! She doesn't suddenly start fainting from eating traditional Japanese food! [12]

"Honest!"

Few things are as infuriating as a person withholding knowledge and giggling at your lack of it.

"Anyways, Hikigaya-kun. We're having a big shindig… this… woo! It's hot in this closet."

"Closet? What are you doing in a clos-"

The sound of a banging wood could be heard on the other line.

"Oh you know, it helps me meditate," Haruno-san shouted over the noise. "But anywho! Garden Party. The day after tomorrow! Family and friends of the Yukinoshita clan only~! You gotta have a big name to come since it's a fundraiser for a big family. You know like if you're a Hayama, or a Minamoto, or a…"

"… right," I gritted my teeth. "What are you getting at?"

"Hey! you know that girl who rejected you? Kaoru… Kairi…"

My mind was suddenly haunted by a vision from the past.

"Orimoto Kaori," I said, gritting my teeth.

"She's on the list too," Yukinoshita Haruno exclaimed excitedly.

"That's great to know, but-"

A loud rip sounded over the phone, like as if wood had been torn apart by a sledgehammer.

"I think I'm going to have to come out of the closet now."

For the first time since I've known her, Yukinoshita Haruno sounded a little scared.

"Good luck! Tata for now!"

_Click._

The phone call ended. What the heck was that? And good luck? Good luck with what? Why would Yukinoshita Haruno tell me about some random get together?

Wait…

Invite only…

Orimoto will be there…

Maybe this was Yukinoshita Haruno's way of doing things… never direct, never confrontational. Always an observer that nudges instead of pushes. I was feeling lost in the monotony of the day - and the woman gives me a goal to obtain. And the keys were laid plainly for me to grasp…

… all I need to do is but ask.

The depths of human despair is measured by how far they are willing to sink to the challenge. Humans don't rise to challenges, they buckle and bend and eventually break.

It's a strange stratagem, to ask one girl to see another girl - if I wanted to see Yukinoshita Yukino again, then my course is clear: I must ask out Orimoto Kaori _again_.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

_And so, He Speaks to Everyone but Her Fin_

**Next Chapter:** _A Date with Orimoto Kaori is Fatal_

**Footnotes:**

[1] **Like, is any of this real or not?** \- _Kingdom Hearts._

[2] **King Midas** \- _Wanted gold because of his greed and kills his own beloved daughter._

[3] **Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.** \- "_My fault. My fault. My most grievous fault." Used to signify that Hikigaya feels guilty and has sinned. Also sexual innuendo stuff._

[4] **Melon pan** \- _The best. Google it._

[5] **Jiro Horikoshi** \- _The Wind Rises._

[6] **Altar to Khorne** \- _CHAOS!_

[7]** Nobody knows who I really am/Life is like a boat** \- _the first ending song of Bleach._

[8] "**Just about as wrong as it is to pick up girls in a dungeon."** \- _Dungeon ni Deai wo Motomeru no wa Machigatteiru Darou ka._

[9] **Serf **\- _a Russian slave bound to land or nobility, rather than a person._

[10] **The most antisocial gamer in the world** \- _The World God Only Knows._

[11] **Running around the world in 80 days** \- _Around the World in 80 Days is a book turned into a film that was made in 2004 starring Jackie Chan._

[12] **Fainting from eating traditional Japanese food** \- _George Bush the Elder is well known in Japan for passing out after a meal with the Japanese Prime Minister during a state visit. It's known as the George H. W. Bush vomiting incident. It's rumored to have been caused by the traditional Japanese food such as sashimi, but most analysts believe it was due to a strenuous tennis game earlier in the day against the Emperor of Japan which the President did not recover from along with latent flu._

**Author's Note: **_Praise be to glorious Based Spyro._

**Editor's Note:** _So we've been a little busy. Just a little. Yeah._


	8. Date

**Summary:** _Valentines' Day - a day of love, pink, and chocolates. In the spirit of the coming holiday, Hiratsuka-sensei gives her Modern Japanese periods an assignment: write a love letter. So naturally, Hikigaya writes a love letter to the person he loves the most._

_Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru_

_Chapter 8_

**A Date with Kaori Orimoto is Fatal**

**oO oOoOo Oo**

I will show this world fear with a half-hearted proposition.

Waiting.

Waiting.

And waiting.

A plastic bag flew across the path. It looked so free and liberated. I wish I was that plastic bag, letting the wind take me where it chose. Just as long as it took me anywhere but here.

Oh how I envied that plastic bag so. [1]

I never took Orimoto Kaori for the type of person to go to cram school. And yet, there she was. And here I was:

_Waiting._

There are several keys to a successful confession: timing, mutual feelings, and a genuine atmosphere. With any one element is missing it may be best to postpone your attempt or else you'll suffer humiliation. But for me, time is of the essence. Manufacturing such a request takes a liar of masterful caliber.

And I'm the biggest liar of them all.

It was time. The evening bell rang and the cram school students began flooding out. They came out in singles and pairs or groups. Without a doubt they were eager to finally engage in what meager social life they had in the twilight hours of the day.

These people didn't have a purpose like mine.

There she was, and she wasn't alone. President Tachibana was with her.

An unknown element.

Taking a deep breath, I recalled my training. Hours and days spent on dating sim games and reading visual novels have prepared me for this moment. While I didn't have a devil aide to assist me nor was their guillotine collar around my neck, nothing will stop me from my task [2]. The first move to separate Orimoto from Tachibana and from there, I can concentrate everything on Orimoto's side.

To do that, I need to get Orimoto and myself alone away from the third wheel.

"Orimoto!"

I called her out. Excessive move. I blame the nerves.

"Hikigaya? Oh hey! It's you! What's up! How ya doing?" Did she just basically say the same thing twice in a row?

"U-um, excuse me, but Orimoto and I were working on our INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION and GROWTH of SOCIAL STANDING with each other that will help in the MODERN WORLD."

"Preach it!"

It was at that moment where it sunk in deep that perhaps Orimoto wasn't just a nice girl who socialized with everyone and treats everyone the same. Maybe she genuinely has no idea what other people are saying. Then again, she is the sort of person that goes with the flow.

"Can I speak to Orimoto, alone?"

President Tachibana is like a bear on honey.

"_Haha_. That's really strange, Hiki-"

"Orimoto. Please."

Orimoto walked away from me. She glanced back at President Tachibana.

People strolled past us. A few glanced in our direction.

I guess it would be strange to see a boy wait for a girl outside of cram school. That's the kind of things boyfriends do, right? Orimoto must have been well known, since she was garnering a lot of whispers.

None of which, she seemed to be paying any attention to.

"Hikigaya? Hey, are you all there or not?"

Orimoto's hands began waving in front of my face.

"I just want to talk for a bit," I said. My hands sunk into my pockets. I was unsure what to do with them.

"Oh, sure," Orimoto said immediately.

She turned and said a few words to wave off her friends. She adjusted the bag on her shoulder. "So where are we going?"

I scratched my head, "Uh… I guess for a walk," I said walking away.

They say humans have a sixth sense to know when they're being watched. It's the same feeling people get in horror movies when the monster or ghost girl is stalking them or when a soldier feels laser sights on their back. It's that nagging feeling that your every move is being watched, scrutinized, and carefully analyzed for any information.

Orimoto's friends still had their eyes on me and I wanted to get away from them.

We kept walking a considerable distance until I was sure a headshot was no longer possible.

"So," I started. "I heard that your family's invited to the Yukinoshita fundraiser…"

"Parent things," she shrugged. She twirled a hair around one of her fingers. "You might have heard of it before…"

I scowled. I did remember her telling me about her parents' circumstances. They were well off business people or something, and owned a small chain of bargain stores. They're popular with the elderly who happen to be consistent voters. It isn't a surprise that Orimoto's family has a bit of leeway with politics in the area.

"Yeah. I remember," I said. "And so you're invited to the Yukinoshita party, correct?"

"Yeah, the invitation included me…" Orimoto narrowed her eyes. "What of it?"

"I want to go," I said.

"Eh?" Orimoto's eyes widened.

"I want to go to the party at the Yukinoshita mansion," I repeated.

"Ehhhh… so what's this got to do with me?"

Adjusting my backpack, I shifted its weight around. It was uncomfortable.

"I sort of… can't get in… unless I'm invited."

Orimoto seemed to be getting the idea. "So what? You want to go with me?"

"_Going out with you is a bit… can't we just be friends?"_

The thoughts of rejection surfaced again. Those distant memories of a grainy-old-timey footage of two people alone in a classroom.

"Y-yeah," I said. "It's the only way for me to get in."

"Why?"

"What do you mean?"

Orimoto folded her arms. "I want to know why, Hikigaya."

"I-"

Why did I want to go?

"I want to go to see her."

The words were out of my mouth before I could think them through.

"Her?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

She stepped closer.

"What's your relationship with her?"

She takes another small step closer.

"Is she your friend?"

And another.

"Just an acquaintance?"

And another…

"Ne ne, is she your lover?"

Nobody expects the Orimoto Inquisition.

"I don't know why."

Again I blurted out something without thinking about it first.

"I just want to see her."

Orimoto was stunned for a moment.

"A-ah… she hasn't been coming to school," I explained. "Yuigahama's worried… and they've been texting back and forth but she's not telling her… anything." Pride and shame wouldn't allow me to look Orimoto in the eye. "And… I…"

"I get it."

… huh?

"You do?"

"Yes, yes," Orimoto yawned. "Stop trying to show so many emotions, Hikigaya." She rolled her eyes at me. "Has anyone ever told you that they look weird on you?"

"… sorry."

Suddenly, it was as if my chest had gotten lighter.

Orimoto stretched away from me and looked towards the setting sun.

"Man, what a drag. Getting asked out on _another_ date with you?"

"I suppose that's too much for one lifetime," I agreed.

Maybe for a moment, my heart fluttered at that instance. It was during my younger and more innocent days when that occurred - back when I still believed in a rosy-pink world of possibilities and eternities.

"So I've got a few conditions, Hikigaya," Orimoto said. "First of all, you better look good for the day. My parents would never live it down if I brought some random weirdo to this. Can you imagine every New Years dinner my mom is going to be telling all my aunts, '_you wouldn't believe who Kaori brought to meet us!_' You gotta dress to impress!"

"Affirmative."

"Second… you better treat me to some coffee sometime."

"Sure," I said. "Although it'll have to be cheap. And quiet. And there better not be any of those lovey dovey couples in the corner… they really choke up a place."

Orimoto giggled. "What's with that?" she said, covering her mouth with her hand. "Man, Hikigaya. Your sense of humor's really weird, you know?"

"It's not humor if it's the truth," I answered. "But-uh-" what do you even say? "Thank you." I looked off to the side. It came off embarrassing enough.

A brief glimpse of surprise flashed across Orimoto's face before it vanished behind a hand. Although she covered it, I knew she was smiling.

We brought out our phones to exchange contact information.

Heh, I remember that using the sharing number feature was difficult…

But now, it felt natural.

"I'll text you about where to meet up," Orimoto said, bumping me on the shoulder. "Until then, Hikigaya!"

She prepared to leave. As she did I gave her a silent bow. I was grateful for this.

The retreating footsteps ceased.

"You know, you've changed a lot." Orimoto said without turning back. The sun was setting. A breeze went through her hair. For a moment, Kaori Orimoto looked like the heroine of a game I'd never be the protagonist of.

Then, almost as if a whisper she said:

"Who knows, if the you now had asked me back then, I might have said yes."

And for a brief moment, I think I remembered why I once liked Orimoto Kaori.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Bath. Cologne. Suit. Tie.

Looking at myself in the mirror, what was I? Some kind of monkey? I patted myself off the shoulder, worried that some of the mousse would come off. Come to think of it, I hadn't dress this way since the Yukinoshita-sponsored wedding.

"Very debonair, Oniichan!" Komachi said, circling around me. Honestly, all that was missing from this spectacle was a camera and a red carpet.

"Do you even know what debonair means…?"

"Um…" Komachi paused in her circling to put a hand to her chin. "You're dribbling on the air?"

"Close enough," I sighed.

It was the day of the party.

"Oniichan, you're such a player! Juggling so many girls… hehe! If Komachi was your little brother I'd be sooo jealous! I'd probably say 'share some with Komachi, Oniichan!'"

"You already steal enough of my chips as it is," I said, growling back.

"But you weren't eating them!" Komachi pouted.

What kind of logic is that!?

"Anyway, Oniichan, aren't you suppose to meet Orimoto-san at the station right about now?"

"No that's-"

I checked the time.

"Welp gotta go! Love ya! See ya!"

Running out the door I realized that this expedition nearly ended in disaster. Punctuality is an important part with Orimoto, you see. She's the sort of girl who wants the other guy to wait for her, not for her to wait for the other guy.

It helps build her self-image, I suppose, when a girl has the ability to make a guy tolerate suffering for her.

The same logic can be applied to tourists or children. Once they find something new, they'll play with it until it breaks. Whether it's people throwing stuff into a volcano or seeing how hard you can bend a twig before it snaps - people lack self-control.

They're monsters who don't know limits or bounds.

The run to the station wasn't so bad.

I passed by Kawa… Kawa… I passed by 'Black Lace' taking her little siblings on a walk. I said, "Hi-love-ya-bye," so fast to her that I think 'Black Lace' felt that she got hit by a drive-by. As I continued running, I heard a scream come from behind me as her siblings began chanting something about how their 'new brother was running away!'

My body hadn't exerted itself this much since the marathon with Hayama Hayato.

When I arrived at the meeting place, a clock overlooking a city square - I knew from the time that I was late. _Really late._

"Hey you!"

I felt a slap on my head.

"Sorry," I said, bowing.

"You were about to make us late," Orimoto said with her hands to her hips. "You're lucky I was kind enough to allow you to escort me. Bah!" With a beckon, she began stalking off. "Work on your sense of timing, Hikigaya."

Saying nothing, I followed Orimoto.

Entering another person's car is a rite of passage.

To be in another person's limo was a privilege.

"So… you're my daughters escort?"

Her parents were nice enough.

"Just an acquaintance," I said.

Her dad nodded with that '_I'll trust what you say but I'm keeping my eye on you' _look.

"So, I heard that girl wrote a love letter," Orimoto said softly.

"Huh?"

"That friend of yours. Yukinoshita Yukino, remember?" said Orimoto. She continued looking out of the window watching the trees and buildings and people pass by. "I heard she wrote a love letter to Hayama-kun."

"Yeah… so she did."

"So she did," Orimoto repeatedly softly. "I don't know her that well. Even though we're the same age and I've been to more of these stupid parties than I can remember - we never really talked. Heck, she hardly ever shows to any and if she does, she usually disappears after she gets introduced."

"Didn't know that."

Orimoto turned to me and gave me a bored look.

"You don't know much about her, do you?"

No I don't, I admitted to myself. Knowing people is a problem. The more you know someone, the more invested in them you become. Their story slowly becomes your story and once that happens it makes the inevitable betrayal even more so.

Yukinoshita isn't one to care for that. Neither will I.

"Does any of that matter?"

Orimoto sighed.

"I heard she addressed the letter to an H. H. When I heard that, I was just a bit nostalgic."

I winced. The memories came flooding back.

"I don't suppose we could just buy a Neuralyzer and forget that ever happened?" I asked.

Orimoto snorted. "What's with that? Hikigaya, you're still a weird one!"

"Ah… yeah."

It would seem that the shadows of my past would haunt me forever… crap, I've just become the strong silent archetype. Just put me in a fedora and a crumpled suit, and it'll be the 1950's all over again… wait, I'm not actually strong and silent. I'm just self-deprecating and anti-social.

Oh well. Close enough.

"It's ancient history now," Orimoto laughed. "Count yourself lucky, Hikigaya, because for today only you're going to be my escort."

"Y-yeah."

We arrived together, Orimoto clung to my arm.

Social events are annoying. People standing around chitchatting and socializing like tribal beasts. All of them jockeying for more popularity or authority in a world that respect it less and less and worships vulgar controversies more and more. What good is a personality in such unchaotic times?

Better to be safe and bland and unnoticed. Keep your daggers in your smiles.

That's when I thought I heard my name.

Looking up at the second floor, a pair of blue curtains fluttered before a window closed.

"I'm going to look for her," I informed Orimoto softly. Her arm unhooked from mine. As I began making my way towards the mansion to find a way in, I felt a tug in my sleeve. Orimoto stopped me.

"Hey, Hikigaya."

"What?"

She stuck out her tongue. "Good luck," she said.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Why the heck are mansions so big?

Aren't they satisfied with like… enough rooms? I must have stumbled into at least twenty libraries and offices. There weren't many servants inside and those who saw me kept directing me to the nearest restroom. I kept telling them that restroom was clogged before wandering off in another direction.

Oh man, I must seem like a petty thief who found his way into a mansion.

The rooms on the first floor were mostly lounging rooms and libraries. It would figure that Yukinoshita would be in her room, waiting for her turn to be called.

Finding a door to a bedroom, I took a breath and opened it.

"Ara ara! Congratulations! Mission success!"

It was a Yukinoshita room, just not the one I was expecting.

What is this? Some kind of RPG? Am I supposed to get a quest reward now? A potion for my long journey… come again, I do feel like some Coffee MAX would be good right about now.

"Seems my clues were enough to go by," Yukinoshita Haruno said with a smile. "Ah, welcome to my home. Well, my room to be precise. Pardon the mess."

The room felt strangely empty.

"Where's Yukinoshita?"

"Why, I'm right here of course!" she laughed.

"I mean, where's your sister?"

"Hn… that's going to cost you."

"Cost me what?"

"Your entire life," Haruno-san smiled. "Would you be willing to pay the price?"

Although it is true that I do not sow, I cannot imagine myself willingly paying the iron price.

"Whatever."

"Ara! So non-committal… that just won't do. Just won't do at all," she said cryptically. "Somehow I don't appreciate you coming here being escorted arm-in-arm with another woman… the one who rejected you in the past no less."

"How else was I supposed to get in?"

"Oh… that's true," Haruno-san said.

Woman, are you mocking my intelligence!?

"Ah well. Anyway," Haruno-san continued. "Yukino-chan is down the hall. Last door in the wing. If you'd like to meet her, knock twice."

"Thanks," I said, turning to walk out. But before I did, I had to know… "By the way…"

"Yes?" Haruno-san said with a smile.

I looked closely at her face, hoping to see the difference between what were lies and what were truths.

"Why…" I hesitated. "Yukinoshita and I, why are you interfering in our lives?"

Surprise gleamed across Haruno-san's face for a brief moment before she smiled again. "It's because you're fun to prank, Hikigaya-kun! It's like I have my own personal 8-ball at my command!"

"No…" I shook my head. "Not only that… it's…"

Some things are very hard to put into words. It's the greatest fallacy in the spoken language. We give meaning to all of these sounds and syllables, and present this idea of meaning behind them. And yet, no matter how many words humans have formed since the genesis of its creation, there are still so many things that cannot be defined by their restrictions.

I sighed. "Nevermind," I said, turning back towards the door.

"You have a little sister, do you not, Hikigaya-kun?"

"Yeah." I paused and turned around. "You saw her at the wedding reception."

"Does she look up to you?"

"W-well…" Memories of my little sister flashed through my mind. "I guess so?"

Haruno-san laughed. It was bitter. "You know, more often than not, the younger sibling tries to be more like the older one because they see someone they could be in the next few years."

"Yukinoshita no longer has the desire to be like you."

My thoughts wandered back to the infirmary. Maybe this was all Yukinoshita's true path. Maybe this was the ending she desired.

"Of course she doesn't, silly." Haruno-san sighed before a wry smile graced her face.

Looking at her expression, for a moment I was transported back to the time at the cafe where the topic of what was considered genuine was first brought up between two antithetic beings with similar delusions. And then I remembered what Haruno-san had said about her sister that day.

"You're too nice, Hikigaya-kun."

"No, I'm definitely not. If I was nice, then people would flock around me like a cute animal, forcing me into a photobooth with them and hoping to get a nice purikura for them to show their friends when I've made an extremely goofy face or something."

"Haha!" Haruno-san laughed into her hand. "See? You being like that is what makes you interesting to me."

"You still haven't answered my question."

"Yes, yes." She turned back towards the window. "Do you know what that 'horrible' thing is yet?"

"… no."

"But both you and I still agree that it's not trust?"

"… yeah."

And when Haruno-san looked back at me, I saw a foreign emotion that I never thought would grace her features.

"That's why."

**oO oOoOo Oo**

This world is full of strings. Humans get tangled in each other's messes. We spend our youths making these tangles ourselves and spend the rest of our lives untangling it - some realize this and stop trying. Others have figured it all out and arranged their strings in a nice mess, to the point where can manipulate others.

Then there are those like Yukinoshita Yukino, who wants to set all the strings in the world straight.

Or maybe she has a pattern no one else can understand.

That's beside the point, as I stood before a wooden oak door.

A crayon sign that looked like something from kindergarten that read 'Yukinoshita Yukino's Room!' was hung on the door. It looked faded and and pale, yet meticulously unmarred by stains or residue.

I knocked twice.

"Come in."

I opened the door.

The bed was neatly arranged. Books were laid along the shelf of the library. There was the distinct color of blue - her signature color - as an overarching theme. The furnishings gave the room the feel of a pristine doctor's office rather than a girl's bedroom. It was definitely less cluttered than Komachi's bedroom. Maybe I was looking too much into this, but it was just a regular, plain girl's bedroom.

But none of that could hold a candle to the center of the room.

Enveloped in sunlight, she exuded a singular quality of dominance: seated by the window reading a book was the girl.

Yukinoshita Yukino.

The spectacle of her was like looking at a painting. It conjured an image that demanded to be labelled nothing less than perfection. She appeared so engrossed in her book that it would appear nothing could interrupt her reading, not even the end of the world.

My mind wandered off to our first meeting in the plain classroom.

Just like before, I was entranced.

"It's common courtesy to introduce yourself when you enter someone's room."

Her voice was like a splash of cold water on my unconscious face.

"Ah… yo."

Taking note of the page, Yukinoshita clapped the book shut and turned to look at me.

"Well?"

"W-what?"

"Hikigaya - or should I say, stalker-kun? What are you doing here?" Yukinoshita asked with a smile.

"Ah…" I looked off to the side. "The party scene didn't suit me, so I decided to explore."

"And so you found me."

"Yeah. More or less."

Yukinoshita smiled. "I guess you want a reward?"

"Eh?"

"Is it not usually in adventure stories that when you rescue the damsel in distress, she gives you a reward?"

"Uh… I don't think you quite qualify for the role…"

Yukinoshita laughed quietly. "Perhaps. Maybe that girl you came with would be a better contender."

Huh? "You saw me arrive?"

"Perception is one of my many strengths."

"Y-yeah… but there are dozens of guests here…"

"And I could name all of them for you by heart if you'd like?"

"Ah… then I'll take your word for it."

"Good," Yukinoshita said, averting her gaze.

I shook my head. It was strange. It had only been a few weeks, but I felt a strange sense of relief now that I saw she was okay.

"Ah." That reminds me. "The other day, when I talked to you on Haruno-san's phone…"

Yukinoshita held up her hand. "Yuigahama-san told me the situation. I apologize for my sister's actions."

"Ah. Okay."

Yukinoshita doesn't lie, but she doesn't have to tell the truth. She apologizes for her sister's actions… but that doesn't mean she is forgiving. Isn't this why I'm here? To meet her? And now, with Yukinoshita before me… I don't know what to say. What can I say?

The party continued on outside. There's an ambient chatter as our silence begins enveloping us. Neither us belonged out here, and yet I didn't feel I belong in here either.

"… why are you here, Hikigaya-kun?"

"Hm?" I looked back towards Yukinoshita. "I told you, the par-"

"I understood that part." There was some unreadable emotion in her eyes. "It doesn't answer why you decided to endure it and come here, though."

"W-well…"

"Yes?"

"I came because-"

I wanted to see you?

Was that what I should say?

"-because Yuigahama was worried."

Her smile dropped a bit. "Oh." The emotion in her eyes faded.

"Yeah," I continued. "She's been really worrying about you, you know? Every day in the clubroom, she always tells me that 'we should do something to help Yukinon!' or something. It was starting to annoy me, so I decided to calm her worries."

"I see." Yukinoshita's voice was cold as her eyes went downward back to her book. "Sorry for being a burden to you."

"Ah… that's not…" Was she mad? Did I say something wrong?

"I'll call her again tonight to assure her I'm fine."

"Okay…"

The air could have be cut through with a butter knife. Perhaps it was the result of Yukinoshita's uncontrolled spiritual pressure but it was suffocating. [3]

"So…"

"So?"

"When are you coming back to school?"

"Why do you ask?"

Because without you, the Service Club…

"Because Yuigahama misses you."

Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Yukinoshita's hands tighten.

"Oh," she said again. "I cannot. Not yet, anyway. All my academics have been arranged for. I self-study for the most part."

"Why?"

"Is it really any of your business?" Yukinoshita said with an icy tone.

A chill struck my heart.

"Just come back."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why should I return?"

"I-I…"

What reason was there for her to come back? Yuigahama misses her? She's worried? What could convince Yukinoshita to return? What words would I have to say to convince her…

"Y-Yuigahama-"

Yukinoshita closed her book. Her eyes closed as well. After a pause, she spoke her verdict.

"Please leave."

"Yukinoshita…"

"You can leave with that girl you came with… I believe her name is Orimoto-san? Please enjoy the party before you do."

"Hey, look. She's-"

"The girl you liked before, correct?"

A chill swept over me.

"That's-"

"Do I need to raise my tone? Should I tell you to 'Get out?' Shall I call security? It'd be a shame if your entire family was run out of Chiba…"

An icy glare that would shatter the sun focused its fury upon me.

"Look, I'm just here to-"

Yukinoshita held up a hand and I instinctively paused.

"Someone like Hikigaya Hachiman has no place here," she said coldly. "It would have been better if you had stayed in the background, and forever be alone. At least then… you wouldn't be such an eyesore…" Her head tilted downward. "So please, do me this one favor, and leave."

"H-hey…"

"I'd rather not call security."

They all have the same smile. All but for Yukinoshita Yukino. I thought the smile was the deadliest weapon of the Yukinoshita family… and yet…

There was nothing else I could say.

I turned to walk away.

As the door slowly began to close behind me. And then, like a soft wind, came a whisper of what may have been my imagination.

"_Sorry._"

Looking back, all I saw was Yukinoshita staring out the window, her face hidden from view.

Maybe I was arrogant. To think that my life had become irreversibly entangled with Yukinoshita's. Maybe I was less than nothing. Maybe she truly was the sun and center of the universe and I was but a lonely speck of dust wandering the empty void of space. What could a speck of dust hope to compete in the realm of planets and galaxies?

I'm no Hayama Hayato.

Indeed. Perhaps some people just have no place in other people's lives.

And so, the door closed.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

_A Date with Orimoto Kaori is Fatal Fin_

**Next Chapter: **_It's a Kouhai Duty to cheer up a Senpai!_

**Footnotes**

[1] **Plastic Bag** \- American Beauty

[2] **Guillotine collar **\- The World God Only Knows

[3] **Spiritual Pressure** \- Bleach

**Author's Notes:** _Yukinoshita Yukino Best Girl 2015_


	9. Senpai!

**Summary:** _Valentines' Day - a day of love, pink, and chocolates. In the spirit of the coming holiday, Hiratsuka-sensei gives her Modern Japanese periods an assignment: write a love letter. So naturally, Hikigaya writes a love letter to the person he loves the most._

_Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru_

_Chapter 9_

**It's a Kouhai Duty to Cheer Up a Senpai!**

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Defeat breaks lesser mortals but disappointment hurts everyone all the same.

Bones and bodies can be hardened but the heart is just a pulpy bit of flesh. It's tender and weak and easily stressed and torn and broken. That's why relying on one's feelings can only hurt oneself. One's elevated spirit, carried by the updraft of hype and inflated stock, is brought soaring to the sky like a leaf in the wind. That is, of course, before the weight of reality shackles the poor damnable leaf with twenty-five kilotons of force and brings it all crashing down to the unforgiving ground. The greater the anticipation, the greater the disappointment.

High school life is overrated.

A rosy and colorful high school life is for those who cannot understand true despair. This is how the world should be: me being alone.

I take my lunches in the clubroom now.

Despite the bleakness of the room, it was better than the outside.

There's no one talking to me. That's fine. The world's annoying. It's irritating actually. Then again, it's preferably to those on the lowest end of the social hierarchy. Nobody wants to be the bread-shuttle. It's better to be off and away from the social ladder than to be a slave holding it up.

The sea breeze has begun to make me sick. Winter was coughing its last breaths in a violent display. Some things just don't want to go away without a fight and the chilly winds hammering the windows were a sign of it. The rattling didn't bother me anymore as I returned to my curry bread.

People have been talking a lot. As expected. Gossip is a normalcy in an environment like this. Well, it is no secret that school's are lab tests set by the government scientists to see how neanderthals such as ourselves interact in a pseudo-society. People who fight each other and 'slack' are the criminals, and detention is the prison. People who do well are rewarded, and get 'promoted' to class representative. There is even a student council to act as our legislative administration. This is the truth. Graduation is merely a codename for releasing us from being test subjects.

But yes. People have been talking a lot. It's annoying, in a way… oh god, I think I'm turning into Miura… maybe she and I have more in common than I thought.

Entering the classroom in the morning, it was obvious that the rumors still haven't ceased.

The room was a powderkeg for rumors at the moment. Any little spark could TRIGGER a huge wave, like a rippling effect of hearsay and gossip. At that moment, the classroom door opened and the burning match walked in.

"Hayato! Yo!" Tobe was the first to greet it.

"Mornin'," Hayato greeted with a smile, whose curvature was a couple of degrees more obtuse than usual.

"Yo yo, we've been hearing a lot of stuff, like your family is negotiating with the Yukinoshitas and-"

Hayama brushed him off. "You know how I feel about rumors and that stuff, so please."

"Yeah yeah! Got it!" The entire class was leaning in closer, eagerly hoping that Tobe would have brought out another bit of juicy information. But alas, to push such a matter would have upset the current social structure and risk incurring the wrath of Hayama and thus it was dropped.

The perks of being the King of the social hierarchy.

"So anyways, it's rare to see you around man! You've been missing practice and Iroha's been looking for you all the time. She keeps pestering me to call you since she's too nervous to call you herself."

Hayama's smile dropped slightly. He looked almost disturbed by her name.

It wouldn't be surprising for Isshiki to be the one to take point on reaching out to Hayama. She still has a soft spot for him. It was only natural that she'd feel a need to make sure she was alright and employ all possible outlets of communication. But whatever that look was, said that Hayama was less than thrilled by their conversation.

Maybe he was tired of this entire situation like I was?

"I've spoken to her already. So it's fine."

"Cool. Cool. Better not make the manager upset, yeah yeah? So anyways, let's hang after practice-"

"Can't."

And with that, their conversation grinded to a screeching halt.

The class resumed as it usually did with the usual lecture and boredom. It was the passing period before lunch but I was already pretty exhausted. I dropped my head onto my desk, and covered it with arms to block out any light.

It was kind of like pitching a tent, except you do it with your arms at school. It makes it so you can sort of see the stars, like camping but at school.

Doing that helps clear my head.

Yukinoshita still hasn't returned to school. Yuigahama told me a few days ago that she's talked with 'Yukinon' and that she's doing well. It was a passing conversation.

Well, it's none of my business anymore.

"Are you okay?"

"Huh?" I looked up from my pitiful slouch on my desk. "Oh, black lace?"

"W-what?"

I'm really bad with names.

"Sorry, Sa-chan." I think that was her name.

"_What!?_"

Actually, I'm only really bad with her name. Her flushed red face made me realized I probably had gotten her name wrong. Thinking back on it, her name did have the 'Sa' character in it. Hm, oh that's right.

"Ah, no. Sorry, I meant, uh… Kawasaki? Yeah, sorry."

"E-eh…" The delinquent looking Kawasaki Saki stood over me with her arms crossed. "S-so, what's wrong?" she said, looking off to the side.

"What do you mean?"

"You look unwell." She huffed before leaning against the wall.

What is it with women and their psychic abilities? Does having double x chromosomes give them an extra ability that us males don't know about? No wonder I hear so many perverts in the locker room go 'Ah~! It must be so fun being a girl!' as their noses dribble blood while they have their ear against the wall…

Well actually, they might just be perverts. Not Totsuka though. His loveliness transcends the petty boundaries of genders and socially acceptable cultural norms.

"Oi, don't ignore me!"

"Sorry… uh" My mind was just drawing blanks on her name. "Sa… Sawa…?"

"Kawasaki Saki!"

"R-right…" I said, scratching my head. "Well…"

Wait.

"I have a question for you."

Kawasaki's eyes narrowed.

"N-no, it's not what you think!"

I'm pretty sure it's still black lace, anyway.

"Okay…" Kawasaki folded her arms. "What is it?"

"Well… say that you had to leave school for a while because of personal matters or… something."

Hypothetical questions have always annoyed me. Why pose a situation that is incredibly unlikely to happen, like 'imagine a world where shinigami death books exist' or 'say a gigantic monster attacked Japan' or 'what if we were all dreams of a destroyed city?'… to me, they all come off as stupid brain exercises. You can only store so much information up there, so why waste it on such trivial matters?

But… still, I had to know.

"Go on," Kawasaki said.

"If you needed a reason to come back to school…"

"Un."

"What could I say to make you come back?"

It made sense to ask this to Kawasaki. The girl was still a delinquent at heart, preferring to be off trying to be a productive member of society milking whatever cash she can in the limited amount of time the heavens above has bestowed upon her mortal coil.

"Ngh!"

Kawasaki's face suddenly became very red.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I can't answer that!"

"Why not?"

"I… ngh…"

Kawasaki walked out the door past the homeroom teacher.

"Just say how you feel!" she shouted before slamming the door shut.

The gossipy classroom suddenly became very quiet. I could feel everyone's eyes on me… damn, I didn't have enough time to activate one of my One-Hundred-and-Eight Skills. It was still on cooldown.

_Nevertheless._

What Kawa-what's-her-name said seemed like sound advice.

"U-uh…" homeroom teacher-san looked at where Kawasaki had left. "Does she know it's morning homeroom?"

**oO oOoOo Oo**

It's quiet in this part of the building.

it's so quiet that you could hear the footsteps of people in the hallway. People scurrying to their clubs or sports or some meeting. Every time the sound of footsteps approaches, I put down my lunch and look at the door. Then the footsteps would pass by - not stopping. And then I would return to my lunch.

Yuigahama was eating with Miura and Ebina today. Then again, Yuigahama tends to eat with Miura's group everyday now. It's not a surprise, given the circumstances, that she'd want to keep her distance from me. It's for the best that Yuigahama is with Miura at the moment. Miura's been looking troubled lately because of Hayama. He has since returned to school, but Yukinoshita hasn't.

Although I imagine if Yukinoshita was here, you'd want to keep them apart or else you risk causing a second Eye of Terror to open up in the universe. The thought of eldritch abominations from the literal hellscape running amok in the streets of Japan didn't sound too far off from a typical shounen-manga.

Well, even though Hayama has returned - he hasn't been showing up to club activities. This was common knowledge thanks to how loudly Tobe keeps complaining about Hayato's absence and how the soccer team's mood been souring. Somehow I think Hayama and I are on the same wavelength that petty high school sports should take a backseat at this moment.

Alas, at least my lunches are, once again, peaceful.

But then, footsteps began accelerating in the hall.

It was probably some student who was late to the breadline and now desperately to make sure she got something besides the pigeon pickings.

"Hello hello!"

"Uh… Isshiki?"

"Yup yup. _It's a me! I-ro-haaaa!_" She struck a pose with her tongue stuck out and her hands in a pair of V-for-Victory signs. You aren't some pseudo-Italian plumber!

"What are you doing here?" I said returning to my lunch, thinking my cold shoulder would be enough of a bug repellent to drive her off. Unfortunately, when a wild Iroha appears, it is not as easy as selecting the 'Run' command and the battle will be over.

"I heard you were sad senpai, so I came to check up on you!"

Are you Doctor Isshiki now? If you were a doctor, I'd sue you for medical malpractice by now. Regardless, Isshiki came by and meant well. But wouldn't she have known Yuigahama and Yukinoshita have not been coming?

"You know, the other two aren't here."

"I know! But you're the one who's down in the dumps the most, senpai."

"So…?"

The question seemed like a proper one. What was it to Isshiki that I felt bad? I mean, it didn't seem like her problem or anything. Regardless, Isshiki stood with her hands on her hips, before dramatically pointing at me.

"It's a kouhai duty to cheer up a senpai!"

What kind of ridiculous nindo is that?

Dragging me out of my lunch, Isshiki pulled me in close. Her shampoo smelled citrus fresh and the first three buttons of her shirt were undone… H-hey, if someone were to walk in here… an empty clubroom with just a boy and girl this close… my life isn't a teenage romantic comedy, _but misunderstandings definitely happen_!

"Too close," I said trying to push her away.

"Nope! Gar!" Isshiki latched onto my sleeve tighter, as if pulling me out of my sweet. "I'm a Chinese finger trap! The more you try to pull me off, the tighter I get. _Gar!_"

While I debated internally whether Isshiki was trying to resemble a lion or a koala bear, I did my best to pry her off. In the end, Isshiki came close to tugging my sleeve straight off. You're going to have to pay for the destruction of my uniform you know? It's valuable Hikigaya property.

"Well, senpai do you know what cheers me up?"

"Letting me go?"

"Hanging out with someone you like!"

"That seems boring," I noted. What was so great with hanging out with people? Are you suppose to hang out with your friends? What if you're me and you don't have any friends?

"Boring? But you can do so much more with other people… you can go bowling or ice skating or-"

"Too real for me."

"Senpai, you're such a downer. Come on!"

"Come on… where?"

"I'm feeling down, so cheer me up! Treat me."

"You're already spoiled rotten. I should stop enabling you." This girl was quickly becoming Komachi 2.0.

"Bah, zero out of a hundred points, senpai. Let's go!"

"Sheesh. Fine. I'm coming." Isshiki wasted no time in dragging me out of the room and locking the door behind us.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

It's every silly boy's fantasy to go out with a pretty young girl on a date.

There'd be the usual fare of amusement parks: rides and games.

After a fair share of those, we'd pick up something to snack on.

Then a random bear mascot in a tophat would offer a free balloon, compliments of the park.

She's hold the balloon tight, careful to not let it fly away. She'd hold onto it almost as tightly as she'd hold onto your arm. Her head rests on your shoulder.

You'd think that'd be my dream but no.

Unreasonably, today it became reality.

"O-oi… you're kind of close," I said, hoping she'd pick up on context clues. Iroha Isshiki however was not one to be undaunted by the obvious and even less so by the expected.

Instead she held my arm tighter, almost letting the balloon in her mittened hands slip from her fingers.

"Oops!"

I caught it with my free arm.

"Better hold onto it," I said, returning her balloon.

She had a 1.21 gigawatt smile when my fingers and hers touched and the red string between our fingers was exchanged.

There was a momentary awkwardness. The crowd passed us by as we stood in the middle of the cobblestone path. Neither of us moved and neither of us spoke. She simply smiled. And then, with the spontaneity of an alerted fox, she pointed enthusiastically off into the Chiba skyline.

"I want to go on that one next, senpai!"

And so, Isshiki led the way to our next adventure.

We descended the ferris wheel. Both of us were close. I do not think anybody would have mistaken us for siblings. If anything, we'd be mistaken for a pair of lovers on a stroll through the amusement park.

The ride on the ferris wheel itself was pretty quiet.

The machine creaked. People were like little stars, speckling below. They moved and chattered. There was something serene about people watching, and forgetting your own life and observing others. As if there was something to learn, but in the end everyone makes mistakes. So what was there to learn.

Isshiki was looking out the window as well. When I looked at her she must have sensed me glancing at her, since she turned and smiled at me.

What could I possibly say to her?

_This is nice? This is pleasant? _

What words could convey… that maybe I felt a bit happy to be around her?

"Say senpai," Isshiki said, breaking the chilly silent night.

"Huh?"

"Are you having fun?"

"Yeah," I answered quickly. I looked away. I didn't want to see the sparkling mischievousness in her eyes.

"I'm having fun too."

The awkward silence resumed in all its unfathomable glory. Deep inside I wish things were a bit more like a romantic comedy where hilarity would randomly ensure.

But my life isn't a comedy and there certainly wasn't any romance in it.

Romance is something that takes effort.

The road is endlessly long, and many people look forward to it. I'm close, at least I think I'm close, to realizing what it means to feel connected but yet I'm so far off.

Somehow, I felt like Schrodinger's Cat and every attempt to check whether the feline was okay made me realize the cat was dead. Just plain dead…

Maybe if I could express it, then I'd get a little bit closer to understanding what it means.

"Isshiki, do you remember when you confessed to Hayama?"

Isshiki looked at me like I was Death, the Destroyer of Worlds.

"Sorry to bring up such bad memor-"

"I remember."

The killer silence returned, stalking us. I drove it away by asking a question.

"How did you do it?"

"Huh?" Isshiki pointed to herself, as if I could be talking to anybody else in this cramped ferris wheel. "Are you asking me?" She continued to blink rather cutely.

"Who else could I possibly be talking to? I was just wondering, how did you manage to… well, convey your feelings?"

"Well, well, well! Although you may be my senpai in grades, I'm your senpai when it comes to matters of love affairs! After all, I've confessed to Hayama. Ha. Ha. Ha!" The forced laugh at the end of meant to resemble some back broken lady from One Piece but I digress.

Her attitude wasn't haughty, but I felt a need to knock her down a peg.

"You know, confessing to someone isn't that big of a deal. I've done it before too-"

Before I knew it, it slipped from my big mouth.

Isshiki laughter subsided. Her mouth formed into a pair of quiet, quivering lips. Perhaps my expectations had become wildly off the mark. Maybe Isshiki Iroha wasn't as predictable as I thought.

"And she said '_no_', huh?"

"Well obviously."

Isshiki sat with a smart smile, pondering.

"Then she must have been pretty smart and probably way out of your league. You aren't really a good investment, senpai. You aren't that good looking and you got pretty lousy manners and don't even get me started on your academics and employment prospects. At best you'll be some light novel editor or maybe some literary columnist writing controversial opinions that insult 99% of the world and inspire the remaining 1% to pursue a lifestyle that would bring a mother to tears at her single, unmarried son."

Sorry, but I'm not an anime franchise. I'm no [_**JOHN CENA**_] who's going to perform at Sunday's night pay-per-view **SUUUPERSLAMMM** (™).

"I wasn't asking you out or anything…"

"Are you making a pass on me!?"

That's precisely what I said I wasn't doing!

"Hey look, I just wanted to know… how did you manage to find the strength to convey your true feelings?"

Isshiki Iroha tilted her head.

"I thought it was just a matter of fate. So that's why I did it. Plus I… it was an impulse?"

"Seems like a strange thing to do on a lark," I muttered.

"Senpai and your silly literary phrases!"

"I was trying to sound intelligent. Sorry if my extravagant vocabulary is causing you to feel insecure."

Isshiki placed a finger on her lips that hid a small smile.

"It's a good sign that you're talking to me like _her._"

I winced at the realization.

Maybe I wanted an outlet. Maybe I wanted something like I had before. Maybe I had gotten attached. Maybe I had exposed my sensitive underbelly and I needed it scratched. Maybe… maybe...

Or...

Maybe my life is stuck on a railroad. There's no way to change my destination. Perhaps I'm doomed to my fate.

Hikigaya Hachiman is a nobody and will stay a nobody, forever alone.

We left the ferris wheel and wandered about. The theme park was opened well past midnight although it closed an hour or so after. There was a fireworks show Isshiki was interested in seeing that really highlighted the castle located in the center of the park.

Isshiki paused. Why?

The reason was mere meters away from us.

They looked like a perfect pair.

There they were, standing there exchanging smiles: Yukinoshita Yukino and Hayama Hayato.

Both of us looked at them. It didn't take long for them to realize our presence. Even in the midst of the crowd, we began approaching each other like a pair of positive and negative charges. All of us were being pulled in like a planetary orbit, caught in the gravity well.

"I… I-"

Words seemed to form on the tip of the tongue but none ever escaped her lips. They were trapped like a bird in a cage.

"Hello."

Strange for the ice queen to break the ice. Yukinoshita looked the both of us. Her smile, as small as it was before, was now gone. It was replaced by a flatline lip. Her eyes seemed a bit more dull yet scrutinizing.

As it this was an outcome she had predicted yet did not want.

I walked up.

"Yo."

My go-to greeting was strained. I felt my molars grind against each other to form the words. It felt so inappropriate for the situation. Maybe I wanted to ask questions or yell or maybe I wanted to do something… something, anything, just something would have been-

-but no.

I did nothing, as usual.

"What a coincidence! All of us meeting here," Hayama spoke up at last. He produced probably the most normal response.

"Let's go."

Yukinoshita's hand reached out to Hayama's wrist and tugged. Her other arm was still holding up the giant stuffed Pan-san.

"Yukino-chan," Hayama said softly.

"Don't call me that… especially in public." Yukinoshita said that, but I imagined when she said 'in public' I think she specifically meant '_in front of him_.' Of course the cold ice queen wouldn't want any sort of warmth to be shown, especially in front of such a peasant such as myself. Yukinoshita was like a Noble Gas, completely unreactive with the dirt and fodder of the rest of the Periodic Table and disdainful of even being cursed by their presence.

"I was thinking we should tell them. It would be appropriate if they were the first outside our families to know."

"K-know what?" Isshiki asked. It was less curiosity and more of a desperate plea.

"Nothing," Yukinoshita answered. "Besides, they'll know soon enough anyway…"

Hayama sighed.

"You two will get formal invitations later… but we're going to have an announcement later on in the week and we'd both be overjoyed if you could attend."

It was a perfectly well executed diplomatic response, worthy of a United Nations Ambassador or someone of that caliber. Regardless, Yukinoshita shot Hayama a death glare that would have caused Uchiha Madara to look away.

"Announce… what exactly?"

The desperation grew.

"Nothing. It's not something I want _him_ to know about."

And with that, Yukinoshita pulled Hayama away. Hayama waved us off as Isshiki and I watched them vanish into the crowds speechless.

My senses were overloading. The sweat, the cold air, the hair on my head, and the feeling of my fingernails were all irritating me.

And through it all, I never noticed Isshiki Iroha had taken and was holding my hand.

"I don't really feel like watching the fireworks tonight. Sorry senpai, but let's come by again another time, okay?"

There wasn't any reason for me to disagree.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

When we left the park, Isshiki finally spoke again.

"There's a place I want to go to." The request came softly. It sounded less like a sister asking for a treat and more of a friend who wanted a favor. Her hands were tiny, like a chick tugging on a mother hen to go elsewhere. It made me feel easy. Isshiki's unapologetic abuse of her cuteness is scary.

But.

I don't think that's why I agreed to go along with her. With the night still young, and nothing else to do, I accepted her request.

As it turns out, the place she wanted to go to was the school.

We took the late bus to the station where we got off at the nearest stop to the school. There was hardly anybody around, as expected. Still, it had an eerie feeling of the usually filled streets with uniformed students making their way to the morning periods.

It felt so abandoned and empty, like a ghost town.

The chilly air swept through the empty fences. The gate was locked and the lights were all off. Undoubtedly everyone had decided to return home from faculty to students. Whatever few stars that managed to peek their way through the urban light pollution sparked overhead the darkened campus.

Isshiki pointed towards the school.

"I want to go there."

She wanted to go in. The girl has strange taste in activities. Maybe she was one of those urban explorers who went through the blighted lands of abandoned landscapes.

Climbing the fence, I followed after her.

Landing on the other side, I saw Isshiki had already began jogging towards the entrance. She then hunched over the door. Jogging after her, I realized she was fumbling with the key.

"Perks of being the student council president?"

"You bet, senpai!" Isshiki said with a soft smile. Wouldn't this count as an abuse of government resources? It's probably corruption at the very least. Nevertheless, wherever it was that Isshiki wanted to see, she had the means to get there.

We entered the campus. It was dark and full of silence.

Her hands guided me through the empty hallways.

No one was around.

No one was around to see…

No one was around to listen in…

Perhaps, the signs were all there…

I just made myself blind and deaf to them all.

"I confessed again to Hayama-senpai earlier today…" Isshiki began when we entered the room.

It was the Service Club Room.

"I can't imagine it went well."

Isshiki laughed softly.

"No… it didn't go well at all. He… he rejected me." Iroha looked away. "I expected it. It still feels bad, ya know?"

"Zero for three is a bad track record." Isshiki laughed at my reply. "It's not something to be proud of. Then again, they do say that the worst thing that can happen is the person says 'no'."

"Haha. That's true," Isshiki said with a sly smile. "He told me an interesting reason why."

"Oh?"

I said Isshiki still stood over me. Her hands pressed against my shoulders. Somehow I felt like I was being interrogated for an answer.

"Hayama-senpai is engaged to Yukinoshita-senpai."

My heartbeat froze.

Why was I even surprised?

Isshiki's soft hands guided me towards a seat. There was no need to resist. The world has its waves and is taking me along for the ride.

This was Yukinoshita's seat.

I know it's hers.

Her seat is the one closest by the window still. Her seat is the one closest to the tea kettle and the tea cups and the stirring rods and sugar and napkins. She's the one who usually makes the idea, hence it only makes sense hers is closest to the tea station. The tea station is by the window. Yukinoshita prefers reading by the window. It provided natural sunlight instead of the artificial fluorescence.

Yukinoshita sits in this chair. She reads in this chair by the window.

I'm sitting in this chair.

Isshiki is pushing me down into this chair. Her scent is strong, like lime. The collar to her frilly buttoned shirt is loose. In the paleness of the moonlight that shines through into the Service Club room, I can see the lightness of her skin and the bluish hue of fabric that shouldn't be so carelessly revealed to a boy.

My pulse rises as Isshiki brings a hand to my cheek. I'm sweating.

I can't say anything. I can't do anything.

I'm scared.

"Senpai." Her voice was nervous. If it wasn't for Isshiki's naturally strong confidence I'd imagine she'd be quivering or stuttering or biting her tongue.

"We're both rejected people…"

No.

"Unwanted…"

No.

"Unloved…"

No.

"Will you-"

"_No."_

I said it loudly. I said it sternly. I think I might have yelled. But that didn't decrease the effect of my answer. It didn't dampen my resolve. For the first time in a while, I spoke simply what came first to my mind. And my answer was thusly so: _no_.

"E-eh?"

Isshiki Iroha stood there in a daze.

"W-Wha-"

"No."

I said it again. In the utter silence I could hear Isshiki Iroha breaking before me. Whether it was the heart of the sweet and popular girl or the face of contortion of the cute little freshman and future student council president that was cracking before me - who knows? But she was shattering, like Yuigahama's chocolate that fell on the floor.

"Senpai… you can't be serious!"

A fox plays with tricks. Isshiki was out of her element. She was no longer the sly and clever little freshmen with a nice face and adorable persona. Now, she was a girl… a simple, innocent girl that I was tainting.

"H-hey. You're not serious right?"

Her lips were quivering. She asked me a question. I forgot of any other way to answer.

"No. I can't."

Everything Isshiki's done tonight has been according to a script. Like a coronation, each move was carefully crafted and selected. She wanted this. This was how Isshiki envisioned this night happening.

She had given her last, full measure of resolve.

Isshiki Iroha undid the fourth button of her blouse.

She advanced in a stepwise offensive. She advanced one step at a time. With each step, another button.

Remember, the worst thing that can happen isn't that the girl says '_no_'. It's that they can start to cry.

"Senpai… take me."

Isshiki wasn't looking for love. She was looking for acceptance.

Her hand took mine, and slipped it beneath her shirt, passed the undone buttons. I felt hard cotton. There was a warm sensation on my fingertips, then my fingers proper, then finally my palm. Soft, warm flesh was in my hand.

She guided my hand, and brought it to her chest, as if she was saying: _do you feel how my heart flutters, senpai?_

Wordlessly, I let her. I was afraid to act, as usual. As usual, I was afraid to do anything. Too scared of the changing tides of the reality I am stuck in. Yet the world still moves, even if Hikigaya Hachiman tries his best to stand still.

"Isn't it a kouhai duty to cheer up a senpai?" She asked with a sensual smile and a flushed face.

And I felt my fingertips brush against a patch of rough skin.

Isshiki partly gasped and partly moaned.

"..._Senpai!_"

The sound snapped me back to reality.

"No."

It was stern. It was commanding. I wasn't interested. At least I kept telling myself I wasn't interested. My vision was blurry and my nose felt itchy and my throat was dry. Maybe I'm sick. Maybe there's something wrong with me. There's a pretty and popular girl who was… she was just about to… conf… no. Why me? This has to be a joke.

No one can love me.

It's not possible. I refuse to believe it.

"No."

I said it again. Isshiki is standing there. Her eyes wide and staring back at me. My reflection is in her eyes.

The distance between our lips nearly became zero.

So, I smashed my palm into her face.

Isshiki was shaking. She was on the floor. Her skirt was lifted up slightly.

Blood trickled down her nose.

"S-senpai?" Her dazed response, as if she didn't know what hit her. She stared at me, like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming truck. Well, I know what hit her and it wasn't a struck.

I struck her. I pushed her away.

And I ran.

I ran so far away.

It felt like I had ran all night and day.

Everything became a blur.

Anywhere. Anywhere would have been fine. Anywhere far, far away to get away from the image of a disheveled Isshiki Iroha on the floor nursing a bloodied nose. I just wanted to go anywhere away from the look in her eyes. There was a cocktail of rejection and shock and despair.

The realization chilled my heart: _Isshiki Iroha was rejected twice today._

The lights slowed down when my lungs began burning. I hadn't run this fast since my short race with Hayama Hayato. Still, my legs weren't in the best conditioning for running in my life but my heart sure was.

The bookstore was frigid.

Bright lights and walls of paper flanked me as I wandered deeper inward. I just wanted to get away. The old man at the counter ignored me as I wandered deeper into the back. Maybe I wanted to hide.

"Huh? Hikigaya?"

The sound of my name drove a chill spike right through my heart.

"Ebina?"

The bespeckled girl was behind me. She looked at me curiously.

"What are you doing in this kind of bookstore?"

"This kind of bookstore?"

And it was then that I realized all around me were comics and magazines of deviant nature completely inappropriate for anyone of all ages.

There were men. Lots of men. Naked, sweaty men, with muscles that were the result of a combination of Master Roshi training and anabolic bovine steroids. They all had soft expressions on their faces with slight crimson on their cheeks to show their flush embarrassment.

Did I mention they were all naked, sweaty, and built like bodybuilders?

They encircled us. Life-size body pillows and comics stacked high. Giant plushies and cardboard cutouts stood sentry at the corner. Members from every major franchise, stolen from their proper place were represented. The excited orange Hokage, furries, magical ponies with gigantic pectorals, the Japanese Prime Minister, Ronald McDonald, the reluctant pilot of Unit-01 and his questionably albino friend…

If only Totsuka was represented in this lineup, then it wouldn't be so bad.

"I-I, don't want to go home right now."

"I get it! I totally get it!"

Ebina smiled, grabbed my hand and off we went.

"My parents use to fuss over me all the time when I first got into it! But I learned a few tricks on how to get out of the house during those times!"

"W-where are we going?"

It's as if Ebina was taking me off in an expedition to the north pole. Then again, I best not mention that to her at all. The word 'pole' might set her off on some fantasies about erotic dance moves or silly Beach Volley Ball spin-off games with an enlarged male cast.

"Somewhere safe!"

Through the streets and neon signs and the seedy bars we ran past.

"Seriously, where are you taking me?"

Ebina was pulling me with the force of a locomotive underneath the starry night sky.

"I'm going to a friend's house?"

"A friend? Miura? Please no… and I'd really rather not go to Tobe's house either-" And I definitely didn't want to go to Yuigahama's place.

"None of the above. We're going to your closest pal."

Closest pal?

"You don't mean-"

"D-do you two rubbing your hard things together!? Does he come over to your house in the dead of night, while you are exhausted and begins taking his callous hands soaked in sweet citrus oil and begins working them into those tense, tense, super-tense shoulders of yours-"

Oh.

So I was going to him, perhaps the last male I wanted to face right now.

"No way."

"_Universe!_" And so Ebina Hina blasted off to orbit with me in tow.

**oO oOoOo Oo**

_It's a Kouhai Duty to Cheer Up a Senpai!_

**Next Chapter: **_Finally, Hayama Hayato disrupts the Equilibrium_


	10. Equilibrium

**Summary: **_Valentine's Day - a day of love, pink and chocolates. In the spirit of the coming holiday, Hiratsuka-sensei gives her Modern Japanese periods an assignment: write a love letter. So naturally, Hikigaya writes a love letter to the person he loves the most._

_Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru_

_Chapter 10_

**Finally, Hayama Hayato disrupts the Equilibrium**

**oO oOoOo Oo**

Once upon a time, I, Hikigaya Hachiman, dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. In my happiness as a butterfly, I was unaware I was Hikigaya. I fluttered from petal to petal flapping my wings in the breeze, not conscious of my true self. Soon I awoke, and there I was, as Hikigaya once again. **[1]**

Now I do not know whether I was then a monster dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a monster.

How do I know that life is not a delusion? How do I know that this life I despise is true and all other realms of possibilities are false?

When I first wake up is two pretty cartoon boys making out over Ebina Hina's squealing. Two gigantic mech-loid phallus-substitutes were beating on each other like human hands on a flower stem simulating manual pollination. Their eyes were too far apart as Ebina Hina repeatedly brought her figures, identical copies to the characters on the screen, closer together and in a soft pervy voice said, "Engage SEED mode! _Now kiss~!_" **[2]**

Oh yes.

This is how I know all other realms of possibilities are false.

The room was dark and poorly lit. The only source of light was from a television screen that lit it's sole viewer. It was a hunched over Ebina, completely absorbed in the anime playing. She herself was covered in a blanket surrounded by discarded instant noodle cups, looking like the closest thing to a real hikikomori that I've ever seen. **[3]**

"Where am I?" My mouth was dry and my voice came out hoarse. But it didn't startle Ebina. In fact, it seemed to make her turn slowly, as if she was anticipating me waking up at the moment of her figurines' sensual climax.

"In my room. Keep it down. My parents don't know you're here," she said with a smile before turning back to the screen and shouting all manners of things that made me eerily uncomfortable of my manhood. As a force of habit, I kicked my legs out, forgetting that I was not in my own bed and I accidently struck the wall with my toe.

"_Ow!_"

A flowery-scented throwpower met my face.

"_Keep it down!_" Ebina hissed before returning to her anime. I slid off the bed. It was only then that I realized that I was shirtless and my bare chest was touched by the light from mech pilots expressing their love for one another in inappropriate ways in an empty spaceship hangar. She pointed to a chair where my shirt and jacket were along with my shoes. Reaching over, they felt soft, as if they had just come out of a dryer. A quick sniff confirmed a flowery scent that doubled as laundry detergent.

I sighed. This girl would go to the trouble of sneaking me into her room, undressing me and washing my clothes but I can't say a peep while she spews off some nonsense about her cartoons.

Spreading out my shirt, I felt the soft cotton fabric. It was warm, but cool to the touch. So much so it felt like a bit of skin…

… it felt like Isshiki's skin.

I quickly put on my shirt and my jacket. I grabbed my shoes.

"I need to go," I said in a hushed whisper beside Ebina. Ebina turns to her, her eyes open as if I was the most curious thing in the world and I said the stupidest thing imaginable.

"Obviously you can't. My parents are downstairs."

"So I'm _stuck _here?"

"You were the one who decided to pass out while I was trying to cheer you up! You know how hard it was to drag you up the stairs without being heard or spotted? My parents have ears like rabbits and they watch everything like hawks. Hawks with binoculars! Not even the neighbors or the newly weds down the street are spared from their spying!"

_Great. _Ebina Hina's parents are voyeurs. Wait, that actually makes too much sense.

"Is there anything I can do?

"Well it's morning…" Ebina said checking the clock. There was a dim ray of light from the closed curtains. "They're up and at it right now. They don't come into my room unless they hear something suspicious so it's fine as long as you're quiet."

Nothing suspicious _while I'm the one being quiet?_ What kind of bizarro household is this? I've seen Uchiha family reunions more normal than this. **[4]**

Okay, Hikigaya Hachiman. Think… think… what do I have?

Cellphone. With seventy-one missed calls from Komachi… oh goodness. She must be worried sick about where I am. There were also several messages as well. Opening the first message, I instantly closed it.

'_Bro! Since you're most likely dead or running off to Hokkaido, can I have your fried chicken for dinner tonight?'_

Stupid little sister. You're going to have my share of fried chicken for the rest of your life if I'm caught in a girl's room by her parents.

I opened another message.

"_Oi, Hikigaya. Want to get some ramen later? I just got a coupon for this place to 'buy one get one free' Tonkatsu. I'm more of a miso or shoyu ramen person myself because of the low sodium but I felt the deal was too good to pass up. Then again, the fatty pork belly in the Tonkatsu might ruin my figure. Hm. Maybe shoyu is the way to go. Either way, want to get some ramen? We can get low sodium if you'd like or splurge for some extra bamboo shoots. Heck, we can even get some korean barbeque if you want. Hey. How come you aren't responding? Please respond. OI! HIKIGAYA. REPLY PLEAS-"_

Hiratsuka-sensei, if I don't get out of this alive, you'll be eating ramen as a spinster until the day the flesh rots from your bones. I flipped into another message.

"_Senp-"_

I closed it immediately.

I sighed. My phone was useless. There was no one that could help me… except…

I chose not to contact her.

As I was contemplating, Ebina's fingers were tapping a few keys. Soon, a message was sent. A text came back. She replied back. Was Ebina working on an exit strategy? Would Miura even be willing to assist? Maybe it could be Tobe or some unknown contact she had nearby.

"Who ya textin' there?"

"What's it to you?"

"I'm curious?"

Ebina pushed her glasses up and covered an eye. "Well this is my Domain, Hikigaya vi Hachiman! And I, Ebina von Hina of the Geass compel you to listen up and wait for further instructions!" **[5]**

"I'll think of a backup plan then..."

"Back up plan? Don't you trust me?"

"No."

"Okay, okay. How about we build a catapult-"

"We don't have the materials for build a catapult."

"We could salvage the bed for the main body and my underwear for elastics."

"No."

"Okay what about an invisibility potion. I've got this book about a British wizard who-"

"No."

"Giant Takoyaki costume? Roller skate parkour? 'Mom, Dad, meet my future husband?'"

"No. No. And No."

Ebina paused. "Okay I got it! How about I put you in a wig and tell my parents 'Mom, Dad! Look! It's that long-lost sister of mine you've always wished you had! Oh you'd look fantastic in a dress actually…"

I don't think my mouth could have gaped any harder than it just did.

"Absolutely not-"

_Bnnnnnnnnnng._

It was the doorbell, a loud one at that, that interrupted my refusal.

"_EBINA! YOU GOT A FRIEND!" _A booming voice interrupted us.

"_Coming mom!_ Jeez… oh I wonder just whoooo could it be…" Ebina's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"That was your mom? She sounded like a thunder god… with a bushy beard." Ebina gave me a swift kick before exiting the door, closing it behind her. A moment later she reappeared…...

With Hayama Hayato.

I restrained myself from wanting to leap out of the window.

"I didn't imagine you'd contact me." He was suave and collected. His face betrayed no sign of emotion.

"I didn't think you'd get in through the front door." Ebina giggled before turning to me. "My parents have been trying to get me and Hayato-kun hitched for years. Never worked."

"Doesn't hurt to tease them once in a while to get through the door." Hayama said it with a smile that would make a thousand ships full of girls set sail for Japan. **[6] **Ebina giggled again.

"So, how is Hayama going to get me out of this room?"

"Silly children." Ebina crossed her arms as if she could already see the ending. **[7] **"It's common knowledge that parents do not see their kids and their friends off when they leave the house. If us three rush out of the door, they'd never realize I was amongst the two of you. Parents are off doing their own thing to mind the details like that."

"Hm… that could definitely work…" Hayama said with a hand on his chin.

"Are you sure it'll work?"

"Whaaa? You're doubting me? Hey, I'm the one making sacrifices here. I have to get changed and leave the house. What do I get out of this? You're making me break homeostasis **[8]**. I'm perfectly comfortable how I am. Actually, I demand payment!" Ebina held out her hand expectantly.

"Er… I guess… I can take Yumiko shopping one of these days so you can go to your conventions?"

Ebina didn't even need a moment to consider it.

"_Deal!_"

They shook hands. Great. I was finally leaving Ebina Hina's house.

Ebina Hina went and got changed and before long she made a 'hi mom! going out! bye mom!' routine and we had set off out of the door.

A solid four blocks later, we were still walking away from her house, not daring to look back. Why, one may wonder? It was because apparently Ebina's parents might be watching them and we had to keep walking until we were a safe distance away. The most terrifying thing was that Hayama agreed with her.

It made little sense, but in the end, we were in the clear.

"So, what now, you two? Are you guys going to go on a date? Oh! Maybe you guys will go to an aquarium! Did you guys know that penguins, once they pick a mate, choose the one they'll spend the rest of their life with? **[9]**"

"I don't think I was planning anything that grand…." Hayama said nervously. "I have soccer practice."

"Well what about you, Hikigaya-kun?"

"I should go home. I imagine my parents miss me." They didn't but they might file a missing person's report just for the heck of it. I wouldn't be surprised if I had a bounty on my head and Spike Speigel lept out of the sky to take me out to the bounty office. **[10]**

"Is that so? Well it seems like you got nothing important to do!" Seeing my parents isn't important? "How about you come with me? I wanted to go try some things."

"Hn. I think I'd rather-"

"I think you should, Hikigaya-kun," Hayama interrupted. "I did bail you out and Ebina did give you shelter. You should repay her." Ebina Hina had a huge smile on her face. It's the same kind kids have when they realize it's Christmas morning and Santa didn't leave them a lump of coal.

"I… I guess-"

And with that, Ebina grabbed my arm and we set off once again.

First we went bowling for some reason. It turns out Ebina's really good at bowling. I managed to knock a few pins over. She rolled several strikes. I learned a strike is when you know out all the pins with a single roll. At least, I think you call it a 'roll'? Maybe it's more like you're throwing the bowling ball. Either way, the most interesting thing about my bowling run was that the number of pins I knocked down was equivalent to how many times my ball went into the gutter.

I learned gutter only because Ebina kept shouting '_gutterball! gutterball!_' each time I made one.

Then we went to sing karaoke. Ebina kept choosing anime songs. As one would reasonably expect of her, these songs ended up being about young men and their intense infatuations with other young men. Often, this was accompanied with glistening eyes and chiselled bodies unobtainable by mortal souls and the real.

It also turns out, Ebina is really good at singing.

And lastly, we ended up at the Chiba mall where they were having an exhibit to try on feudal-era costumes. I got dressed up as a samurai dandy and Ebina was a geisha.

I refused to allow any pictures be taken although I am certain several were achieved without my consent.

Before long, night had come again.

We were dressed in our normal clothes once again, strolling the cool air. It felt strangely similar to the day before. In fact, it felt eerily similar to the day before.

It was as if the world was in some sort of repetition. Like a _deja vous_ that never ends. Maybe my body had achieved equilibrium. Once again a girl was pulling me around. Once again I was caught up in the current, unable to break free until the very last moment.

This felt all too familiar and strange.

"Say Ebina."

"_Hm?_"

"I learned a lot about you today." Ebina turned to face me. We stood in the middle of the sidewalk, the people flowed past us. Only we were stopped in motion. "You're a good singer. You're really good at bowling. And you have a lot of interesting hobbies."

Ebina gave me a smile that said '_go on, praise me more!_'

"I thought we would be going off to some shops and buy figurines or wall scrolls or some limited edition Otome game or something. Instead, I learned a lot about you and you're a fun person to be around."

Ebina's smile grew bigger.

"So why… why are you doing this?"

Ebina stepped closer. Her hands hidden behind her.

"This isn't like you. It's too strange."

Ebina stepped closer.

"You're out of character."

Ebina's lips parted.

"The line between love and lust is so thin… is the former really so necessary for the latter?" Ebina's breath mingled with my mine. She stood there, in a thin coat with glasses and a petite form. Miura's words came back to me. Ebina really wasn't so hard on the eyes and if she was a bit more normal… then perhaps no man would resist her. "Because really… what's love got to do with anything?"

Her hand slipped into mine.

"Come?"

I could feel her tiny strength squeeze into my hand, like a hook digging into a fish's gaping mouth. And stupidly so, I followed. Maybe I wanted acceptance. Maybe I wanted acknowledgement. Maybe I desired destruction of everything nice.

I followed Ebina.

I followed her.

Maybe I was like a puppy, that wasn't housebroken. Wherever I am coddled and invited I wanted to mark my territory. I wanted my owners to hate and detest me.

So I followed her to the school. Though the locked gates that magically opened and through the halls, I followed her. Step by step. I followed.

It was all so eerily similar I felt like this was a dream. Perhaps again today I am Hikigaya the Monster and no longer the butterfly.

Ebina pulled my hands passed the Service Club room. Past the room where I shared tea with Yuigahama and Yukinoshita. We passed the room where I spent most of my days. We passed the room where I rejected Isshiki Iroha.

Ebina pulled my hands and we ascended the staircase. She pushed open the door. I walked into the cold air.

"_Yo,_ Hikigaya-kun," Hayama Hayato said with a smile.

"Hayama Hayato," I breathed as the roof-access door slammed shut. There was a click as the door locked behind us.

"Ebina's brought you here."

"So it was you." It began to make sense, in a way. Ebina was distracting me. She wanted to make sure I was available until now while Hayama had soccer practice. It explained how Ebina got through the gates. The soccer captain keeps a key to open the school grounds.

Only the ever trusted and unsuspecting Hayama Hayato would hold such a privilege.

"This is the part where you ask '_why?_' Hikigaya-kun." Hayama said. He was prompting me, like some teacher encouraging me to act. He was caught in a facade of righteous arrogance. He was trying to lead me on.

"I don't care why. Shouldn't you be elsewhere?"

Somewhere like in the arms of Yukinoshita? Somewhere away from here and this desolate place of painful memories. This stupid concrete buildings and all the stupid people who come here to learn and experience the idiocy of youth.

The thought of Hayama and Yukinoshita in an embrace irritated me no to end. Just no end.

"She's waiting." Hayama shrugged.

"So go to her."

"Not sure if I'm the one she's waiting for," he replied cooly. It was a frustratingly simple reply. I gritted my teeth. Locked up here with Hayama Hayato. I won't get to leave until I made some concessions. The door was locked and the only other way to leave the roof was through a three story drop.

"What do you want?"

"If I recall correctly, you owe me. I did help you get out of Ebina's house earlier today."

"Thank you for that. But all of this… leading me onto the rooftop and such… what's it all for? Are you here to tell me that it's all going according to keikaku?" **[11]**

He chuckled.

"No. I'm just here to enlighten you, little Frog-itani."

Frog-itani? Is he trying to pick a fight?

"What." It was a statement. Like a 'get-to-point' kind of statement.

"Tomorrow, there will be a gathering of the most prominent families in Chiba. My family will be there. Naturally, Yukinoshita's family as well. Not to mention important dignitaries from Tokyo, Nagato, Sendai… all of them are there ostentatiously as a fundraiser get together for the next election."

"So what's the real reason?"

Hayama shrugged. "It's to announce Yuki-chan's engagement to me."

I drew my blood when my teeth clenched into my gums.

"Is. That. _All?_"

Hayama shook his head.

"I'm here to tell you I love her."

My heartbeat stopped.

"And as luck would have it, she loves me too." Hayama's smile widened across his face. "Our parents were right afterall. We were made for each other."

My firsts were clenching without my realising it. What? _What?_

"Yuki-chan's mother's very pushy," Hayama continued. "She insisted we share a same room and bed. We're not allowed to do anything _inappropriate_ though," he clarified with a blush. "But it's enough for the both of us."

I see snow. I see light. I see an apartment. '_Maybe I'll show you around some time._' I heard. I had to have heard it. It can't have been nothing. I can't have been-

"Since we're living together, we share the same bathroom. Yuki-chan's hair smells so nice. It must be her shampoo. It's so… delicious smelling."

'_Because it's my fault.' _That night. That morning. I was sick. She stayed. She looked after me. Cared for me. Cooked for me. Her family came. They were angry. _They all have the same smile._ Sweat. I was sweating. She was scared. '_I want to stay here.'_ I should have done something. Anything. If I had, then maybe-

"So Yuki-chan and I are going to get married." Hayama's voice sounded like it was underwater. My heart had begun to race faster and faster. "Every morning, I'll be able to wake up and turn over and see her sleeping smile." He sighed happily. "Isn't this the life, Hikigaya-kun?"

'_Why should I return?'_ Her room. Yukinoshita Yukino's room. Alone. She was alone. I had a chance to make her not feel alone again and I didn't do anything. _They all have the same smile. _But only Yukinoshita has the stare. '_Sorry.' _She was sorry. I had failed her and she was sorry. And now… and now…

"It's going to be so much fun, Hikigaya-kun." Hayama walked towards me in a nonchalant manner. "This life is going to treat us so well. I can make Yuki-chan happy, you know? Actually. I can make Yuigahama happy as well. Not to mention Isshiki. They're both as lovely as Yuki-chan."

All these things that I've done… **[12]**

"Yuki-chan exists soley for my happiness. As does Yui-chan. As does Iroha-chan. Yumiko and Ebina too. And everyone else in this backwater town. Even Haruno… all of them… All of Chiba is my domain. _My world_." He leaned in next to my ear. "And you don't belong in it, _Hikitani-kun_."

_BAM!_

I don't know what happened. One moment he was taunting me and the next I was holding him by his neck against the wall. My heart was beating faster. Angry. I felt so angry.

"Don't screw with me." My voice felt foreign. It was like someone else was talking entirely, like a demon had stirred within that I never knew existed. "_Don't you screw with me!_"

The fabric of his shirt was ripped where my hands gripped. Pinned, all he could do was smirk. The world was in his palm and there was nothing I can do about it. Nothing I could do but…

_BAM!_

My right arm swung. It was the first time I've ever thrown an actual punch. That's the thing they never tell you about fighting with your fist, it's how much it hurts when your knuckles meet flesh and bone.

"Don't you dare screw-"

_Ugh!_

Hayama knocked me out with a punch of his own. I couldn't even see it coming.

Dazed and out of my mind, I was breathless on the floor looking at the stars in the night sky. I wondered if this was the end, as my vision began to grow red. Was this the end of my railroad? Is this my final stop? Where all souls are sent to wander and forever exist no more?

"Don't bother getting up, Frog-itani. This is what I wanted. You realize you're stuck in a well. You'll never understand what's the ocean is like down there." **[13]**

Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm just a frog. Maybe I'm just a stupid rebellious teenager. Maybe this entire thing is stupid. Maybe I should just lay right here and forget this whole thing. Maybe I deserve all this punishment and suffering. Maybe it's because I hate myself. Maybe it's because the world and heavens hate me. Or maybe… or maybe…

_Well, there is the alternative_.

My bones ached. My blood vessels felt like they were ruptured at every angle and my skin was still rattling. It didn't matter. I still got up. My face felt puffy. My knuckles hurt and felt wet. It was probably blood. It was the same blood I tasted - that iron and sour taste - from where I bite my cheek.

I got up.

I threw another punch.

Hayama caught it handily.

My knees gave out. My world was still spinning. I tried to count the stars and tasted my vomit moving up in the attempt. I couldn't calculate a damn thing. If you had asked me what was two plus two then I'd have told you it was fish tacos. Nothing made sense. Nothing mattered.

Nothing except… that raven-haired girl…

I threw another punch with my other hand. He caught it easily in his.

My right wrist was caught in his grip. My left first was trapped in his hands. Situation excellent. I attack. **[14]**

"_What can you possibly do now Frog-itan-"_

_Headbutt._

I moved my legs like I was Atlas hurdling the very skies. This must be what Benkei and Yoshitsune felt on Gojo Bridge. Maybe for a moment, this little frog became a God. **[15]**

Alas, as they say - the higher you climb, the greater the fall.

My brain was rattling inside my skull as I stumbled back. My arms were still at Hayama's mercy and I began falling backwards. I was out for the count collapsing to the floor. I've given everything to whip Hayama and all I've managed to do is beat myself up. Maybe I'll die here? Perhaps that's why the past few weeks have been flashing before my very eyes.

Right before my body would slam into the rooftop concrete, I felt something defy gravity and the natural order of things.

Hayama Hayato caught me.

I looked at me with all my spite and rage and disdain. I hated him for so many things. I hated him for his perfect smug face and his damnable grin and his idiotic charisma that so many flock to. I hated how he took pity on me even now to stop me from falling.

But most of all, I hated how what I want most was his.

"You've got a good look in your eyes, Hikigaya-kun."

_Huh?_

"That's the look of someone who can win."

_What are you talking about?_

"You know, the one she's waiting for at the mansion isn't me."

I coughed up a bit. The taste of blood still thick. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve as Hayama released me to spit out my lungs on the floor.

"It's not Yuigahama-san. It's not her mother or father. And she's not waiting for her sister to save her."

He turned to me. His eyes had softened, like he had told the greatest joke in the world.

"She's definitely not waiting for me. I'm not the prince in shining armor she wants to ride out to save her. She's waiting for someone else."

Dread filled my heart as the words from his lips reached my ears.

"She's waiting for you, _stupid._"

I felt like I was crying, maybe I was. No, I definitely not.

"I'm not crying,"I said with tears streaming down my cheeks.

"I know. Crying means you're sad. You're happy. But Yukinoshita-san's isn't in a good place. Neither am I." Hayama took a deep breath and cracked his jaw. "You sure know how to a throw a decent left…"

"What's going on?" The words were painful to spit out because my cheeks were swollen. I'll get some ice for them later.

"She and I are in an arranged marriage. I can't dishonor my family by refusing the Yukinoshita offer. And Yukinoshita-san isn't the sort to reject her family's wishes." He paused, looking at me. "That's a good look in your eyes," he repeated.

"What do you mean?"

"You look like the sort that'll play the hero."

"Well you make for a crappy villain."

Hayama laughed. "I guess we both don't fit our roles right now."

"No one in this entire damned story does. But screw that noise." I wiped the sweat and mucus and blood from my mouth. My teeth were shaking, but none felt loosened. "Your families are announcing the engagement tomorrow?"

Hayama nodded silently.

"_Mission accepted._" **[16]**

I began making my way to the rooftop door. I pushed it aside, realizing it had become unlocked. Ebina stood there, as well as Miura looking at us both concerned. They both had donned nurse cap and came prepared with a first aid kit and several ice packs.

Hayama Hayato had set this all up from the beginning. And step by step, I was baited into his scheme. He had convinced he was narcissistic and a disgusting. He guided me every step of the way. He played the Demon Lord so I could be the Hero. Because I'm the Hero that Yukinoshita deserves… a pang of guilt splashed through my spine at the realization...

… _I'm the one she wants right now._

"Hayato!" Miura cried running towards him with an ice pack and several moist cloths to dab him with.

"Hikigaya-kun, here let me clean you up," Ebina said softly as she prepared the hydrogen peroxide and cotton swabs. "Be still…"

"Before that," Hayama said brushing aside Miura. I waved off Ebina. "Hikigaya-kun, do you have a plan?"

I took in a deep breath.

"Not a damn clue."

oO oOoOo Oo

Finally, Hayama Hayato disrupts the Equilibrium

**Next Chapter: **__?__ __?__ __?__

**Next Chapter Title Hint: **_We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. _**Genesis 2:2-3**

**Footnotes:**

[1] **Once upon a time, I, Hikigaya Hachiman, dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly.** _\- Zhuangzi's tale of a butterfly._

[2] **SEED mode** _\- KIRA 'JESUS' YAMATO x ATHRUN 'ALEX DINO' ZALA 4everrr!_

[3] **hikikomori** \- _Unproductive shut-ins who typically do not clean up after themselves, get obsessed with anime or manga, and are considered a drain on society._

[4] **Uchiha family reunion** \- '_So Sasuke… about the whole killing our parents thing…' 'It's cool Itachi. Don't do it again and we coo'' 'Yeah… about Sakura and your daughter, Salad… well, let's just say there's going to be a Cherry Blossom Vegan special at the funeral home tomorrow….' _

[5] **Geass** \- _CODE GEASS YOU UNCULTURED SAVAGE._

[6] **a thousand ships full of girls** _\- Helen of Troy but Hayama of Chiba_

[7] **see the ending** \- _The World God Only Knows_

[8] **homeostasis **\- _living things do not like to change their comfortable conditions and do things to make sure they stay comfortable. Imagine getting out of bed in the morning where you're warm and snug under a blanket into the cold frickin' air._

[9] **Did you guys know that penguins, once they pick a mate, choose the one they'll spend the rest of their life with?** \- _?_

[10] **Spike Spiegel **\- _Cowboy Bebop. Bounty hunter._

[11] **all according to keikaku** _\- keikaku means plan._

[12] **all these things that I've done - **_The Killers_

[13] **Don't bother getting up, Frogi-tani. This is what I wanted. You realize you're stuck in a well. You'll never understand what's the ocean is like down there. **_\- a frog in a well cannot conceive of the ocean. _

[14] **Situation excellent. I attack** _\- Ferdinand Foch_

[15] **Benkei and Yoshitsune felt on Gojo Bridge** \- _legend of two warriors who dueled each other. Benkei, a famed sword collector, became a loyal servant to Yoshitsune after their epic fight._

[16] **Mission accepted** _\- Gundam Wing, Heero Yuy_


End file.
